My spiritual journey: moments of clarity, ponderings, and vast irritations

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Kittens!

http://www.gofundme.com/588le8

This Christmas I would like to get two maine coon red tabbies for my kiddos. It's a bit of a stretch for me, so I am requesting assistance from my friends, family, and following (haha, following. I don't think I blog or tweet frequently enough to have one!). However, I would appreciate any assistance given. Details provided in the link.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

A little discussion on piercings and tattoos

Hey Becky. I have a most serious question for you. And also ask for your advice. What are your religious views on tattoos and piercings? I have been getting confronted a lot with people asking me how I am living a Godly life but defiling my body. I need some insight on this and you were the first person that came to mind! Thank you!


Hi Well, I can give you my answer, but the answer needs to come out of your relationship with Jesus What I mean to say is that the answer that best shuts up the "creepy religious people" is the one that comes from deep within you that you believe like crazy!
But here's what's true:


The whole defiling your body thing is a load of b.s. The only verse in the Bible that references tattoos is Leviticus 19:28 "Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I [am] the LORD." This was referring to the pagan customs of the day. Egyptians were notorious for marking themselves all over, in remembrance of dead people (perhaps superstitiously hoping to bring them back? the whole preservation of mummies things shows they really believed in a next life). However, these markings again were PAGAN, for PAGAN customs. they were related to worship of other gods, etc. It is no wonder God did not want his people participating. They had just left Egypt and he is telling them not to participate in the heathen customs of Egypt. This is a new order now!



Do ya think that our tattoos are the same as Egyptian tattoos? Let's think about it. When you go get a little kitty cat, are you worshiping the kitty or trying to bring a kitty to life?
Any way... totally different. We are more into self-expression than religious superstition.



Piercings. I've done the research on this. A large majority of the time when the bible speaks of earrings it is speaking of nose rings. Isaac's Rebecca was given a nose ring in Genesis 24:22 "And it came to pass, as the camels had done drinking, that the man took a golden earring of half a shekel weight, and two bracelets for her hands of ten [shekels] weight of gold;" that is the meaning of that word, and why it is singular in the King James Version.



The Old Testament Jews are often referenced as the Bride of Jehovah... They are told in Hosea that when they ran from God, they adorned themselves with jewelry (including earrings, which are defined as nose rings) before they went to their idol lovers. Now before that becomes an indictment against piercings,
Ezekiel 16:12 And I put a jewel on thy forehead, and earrings in thine ears, and a beautiful crown upon thine head.
That jewel on the forehead is the same word used for nose ring earrings. God himself says he will adorn his bride with a nose ring.
The word in the Hebrew is nexem by the way, if you want to look it up yourself
And I only stayed in the King James. If you look in other versions, they translate every time nexem is used to the word nose ring.
the word for actual earlobe earrings is agiyl


There is no mention of other body piercings specifically like that (that I know of). But this one is cool


Oh, I know I'm rambling, but I love this stuff. HAHA.. the earrings were heavy (shekel weight in Genesis!) They were called earrings because they pulled the nose cartilage down to look like an earlobe. The translation earring is correct. Our tiny gems today are nothing in comparison to the gaudiness of those nose pieces!! ROFL! My namesake was MEGA adorned in GOLD!



Fast forward... Revelation 14:1 "And I looked, and, lo, a Lamb stood on the mount Sion, and with him an hundred forty [and] four thousand, having his Father's name written in their foreheads. "
Revelation 22:4 "And they shall see his face; and his name [shall be] in their foreheads."
All believers, not just the 144,000 will have His name on their foreheads. God's into inking of his own. Claiming us for his own. It's awesome. We are pierced and adorned with a ring and other assorted jewelry because we are the bride, and we are inked with his name.



Now, as to can we do it now. Like, practical, every day, OMG, are we defiling our bodies in the here and now?
Here are Paul's words:
Romans 7:6 "But now we are delivered from the law, that being dead wherein we were held; that we should serve in newness of spirit, and not [in] the oldness of the letter. "
Romans 8:2 "For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death. "
We are not under the law anymore. So EVEN if the whole Leviticus thing applied to modern day tattoos, it doesn't apply to us. We do not have to avoid markings for the dead, etc. We are FREE from the law. We serve the Spirit of Christ. That old law does not apply to us.
Those who try and stick us under that law are putting us in bondage. Paul says to stand in our liberty! We are FREE! (Gal 5:1)



I Corinthians 10:23 All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not.
This is the only "guideline" that Paul gives, and honestly it is an easy one. Everything is lawful. But sometimes things just are not worthy, profitable things (expedient). Somethings are not worthwhile because they tear others or myself down, "they do not edify."
Yet, even this is not a firm and fast rule. This is simply something to ask ourselves. Certainly if going into a situation we realize it is completely an unworthy, unprofitable, and unedifying thing it does give us cause to ask WHY we were doing it in the first place!!
However, I have found that my tattoos have been edification for myself and others. Talking points! They all have deep personal and/or spiritual meanings and as such spark conversations I would not have had otherwise. My nose ring is similarly a conversation piece for those who like to go deep (I got it because Rebekah of the Bible is a symbol of the Bride of Christ! I am named for her, and I am the Bride of Christ!)
Some things we do are frivolous and need no explanation. And why should we have to explain to others? Are we not all responsible to God on our own?
People also need to learn to mind their own business. ;-)


Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Thoughts from the dark days

Through all the doubts and fears and thoughts of betrayal still He is faithful! I can't understand why... I mean, I've had some dark days of fist shaking. I've questioned his existence. I've been angry and hateful. I've mocked and scorned and yet.... He remains. It's like no matter what I do there is this Something.. Something intangible yet very real... that wells up within me that says, "I will never leave you." What do you mean? I don't even believe in an "I" besides me today. This is contradictory to my current state of mind. Yet there is peace. And when I am hurt, in pain, frustrated, unable to make sense of it all, depressed, lower than low, there is this bubbling from Somewhere.... dare I call it Joy? What is this Joy? It is alien in these moments. It is not of myself... and yet, am I not the only one I believe in right now in my angered betrayed state? Yet there is joy. And when I am terrified, shaking, and overwhelmed with the anxieties of facing the world alone I can sense an enveloping embrace. Arms! Arms enfolding me! Someone is holding me. Who is this invisible One that dares enter into my self-pitying soliloquy. Yet there is love.
And what it all boils down to is that if I attempt to divorce myself from all that is HIM, from all that I have believed, thinking that the world will be much the same without Him as it is with Him, there is still HIM. Within me... wooing me, steadily like the gentle beating of my heart. And how my heart swells when I think of Him in this light. Perhaps I have not been betrayed after all.... perhaps I misunderstood. Perhaps I have been the betrayer of such a One as this who has always been true while I demanded explanations and while I explored other options. Perhaps if anyone deserved to doubt and rail against the hand He was dealt it was Him and yet He never did.
And still the constant love that cannot see my indiscretions; the eyes of pure love upon a faithful lover.
He cannot be denied. Jesus Christ in me. Me in Jesus Christ.

--I think back to that day when my husband asked me, Is Jesus in you now? and I could not answer. It would have been easy to deny Christ then. To take the evils of the world, the hardships of life and walk away from all that I knew, all I had been taught. There was nothing holding me. But now there is that KNOWING. I mean, it's in there. It's soo deep in there. The Holy Spirit is like HEY You!! You are MINE! And I am YOURS! The dark days always have an end because his love is so real now.


Saturday, November 24, 2012

Please take my Starbucks survey!! Thanks!!

Click here to take survey

Permission to participate in research (for Rebecca Dennison, Liberty University Student):
By clicking on this link, I understand that my participation in this survey is voluntary and that I am at least 18 years of age. There will be no adverse consequences to me if I decide not to participate. I also understand that the results of this project will be for research purpose only and will not be disclosed to anyone; confidentiality will be maintained and my name will be removed from all results.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Glorious Bride

One of the amazing themes of my life in Christ has been about his bride. I have much that I could write about that. This past Sunday was a profound addition to my bride moments. :) So, I have recently been attending a Methodist church.. yes, I have much to catch you all up on, don't I?

That can be another blog. For now, suffice it say that it surprises even me that I am there and I'm there because Jesus is leading me there. :)

In Sunday's service, near closing, the Pastor said something to the effect of the church being the bride of Christ. He was referring of course to the local aspect of the bride, being that particular church. In my head, almost audibly it was so very, very clear, came the words:

 "It's a glorious church, without spot or wrinkle."

 I paused. Tears filled my eyes and it was all I could do not to weep right there in front of all who would care to witness. Why would such words affect me in this manner? They were referencing Ephesians 5:27, "That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish." A verse that I have known well, a verse that I was raised believing that it applied only to the Baptist church. A verse that I have learned (again referencing many of my bride moments through the years) applies much more broadly to the church at large, to all the saved who have ever been, to the Old Testament saints, to ME. Why should I be crying at the thought of this church, this particular church being a church like this? Why?

Because the Holy Spirit touched a nerve. He touched a deep nerve. He found a place that I have been mocking, a place where I have still felt myself to be better than others. He found that I have been standing apart from a group of Christians and saying of them, "You are caught up in liturgy, traditions, and religion, you are not worthy to fellowship with me. I am above you." I who have received grace, who understand freedom and liberty am better.  

I who have felt deep pain because others have judged me... I turned my condemning eye on a group of Christians simply because of their label.

And what does that make of me? Just as guilty of being religious. Turning my grace and identity into a religion. And Jesus says, this is my bride. They too are accepted in the beloved. They too are perfect, loved, and righteous. His eyes are not focused entirely upon the religious trappings but upon their heart before him.

 And I silently cried realizing that IDENTITY is not affected by ACTIONS. The bride is the bride. And in this case, I have seen a church of people who are hungering for growth, a leader who is seeking the lost of his community, youth who have been involved in world missions, young adults who want to build real relationships, and worship that was Spirit filled. I felt a wall crumbling. A wall that I had built between myself and God's people.

I remembered the way I have mocked a dear friend who is working to become a Methodist minister and I wish to beg his forgiveness. I wish to ask forgiveness from many people that I have unknowingly offended. I was blind to this aspect.

I am still me with the same passions and the same heart to free those who are missing relationship with Jesus because they are focused upon the trappings of religion. But I am realizing that I can find people who are free and people who are in bonds everywhere irregardless to labels and denominations. Even those who believe they are free still find bits of chains for the Spirit to remove here and there. I know that I feel freer today than I did a few days ago. Freer to love and serve in capacities that I thought were closed to me.

Friday, July 13, 2012

My desire ~ What I want

What do I want? I desire to be that person who is embraced and ravished by the sun rather than irritated by it's scorching presence. I want to be the one who stretches out her arms and invites the gentle rain to saturate her entire being rather than muttering course words as each water droplet leaves it's mark. Storms? What are they but an accompaniment to my heart's pounding soliloquy? Wind is but the blowing of my soul pulling me to the next destination in my journey. "No grievance with the day" would be the motto here. Yes, even wintry blizzards in their harsh extremes would stir the upward motion of my lips into the greatest of delighted looks. Do I mean Content? Is that enough? Merely content? Not I! To content, add thankful, grateful, happy, blessed! And seeking still beyond for life abundant, life so free. Freedom to laugh in the face of fate whatever that might be simply for enjoyment and pleasure. Yes, That is what I desire. To taste everything, and to share it. To share it with all who do not know how. To the one who cowers from the sun, to the one who shrinks from the rain, to the one who fears the storm and shivers in the blizzards, to YOU, I wish to share my freedom and joy and gratefulness in life. This I desire. Passion... yes, passion too. Passion for HIM, for the reason for my existence. And I share his passion, to set captives free. Freedom is my passion. Freedom above all else. It is for these freed ones who do not know they are free that I am so emblazoned. Yes! Galatians 5:1 is my cry and I feel it deeply. I see the chains as if they were real, I hear the clinking. The yoke of bondage of which Paul speaks has a hold of so many, so many. And it is then that I allow myself to grieve. It is then that I weep. I, the one who is content, thankful, happy, blessed, free, who is ever longing to be at utter abandon at my Lover's feet and not concerned with the doubts and worries of life, WEEP. It is then that I realize that I my path is not one of flippant disregard of all things.. it is a path of deepest regard. There are those who may not think so (Even I, myself, have not thought so!), but I care more deeply than most. I love more deeply. I share His heart. For in enjoying creation I have developed a love for it. A love for his people. Freedom brings with it a price, a price of being willing to lay down one's life to give it to others. Ahhh, that word... surrender... it again finds me. And here I am with the striking awareness that my future will not be exactly as I thought. It will not be exactly as others thought. It will not necessarily be easy, and it will not always be pretty. It will be my hearts desire, it will be my passion, and that is what matters above all. It will be following that inner voice whom I love more dearly than anything in the world, and He is above all voices. And I am fairly sure that it will be the hardest thing I've ever done. Yes. I will be my own worst enemy in this. And I can already number my enemies before I begin. I am scared. But I can count my supporters. And I know what I desire. I know who I desire to be. And I know WHOM I desire. What else matters? When it comes down to it, I have a choice and I can choose anything. I AM FREE! But which choice will bring me closer to the woman I wish to see in the mirror at the end of the day? Ahh, this is the question. And so I am excited. An adventure awaits. How it will be accomplished, I do not know. It is a journey and I will be swept along in this chapter just as the last!

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Loved with an amazing love

In constant flux.. ever changing, growing, becoming, discovering. Fearless! Yet filled with trepidation. Anticipating! Yet hanging back in the shadows doubting... The voices in my head fighting for attention, "Go this way and that way!", pointing their fingers and shaking them when they disapprove. Smiling and nodding when they are proud. And then there is Your voice and it is STUNNING. I am locked in your gaze. I can't believe your words, or can I? They come when I most need them as you say that I am PERFECT and beautiful. And exactly as you DESIRE me to be. You breathe the words in a way that I cannot deny them even if I try.... fear fades away. The doubt fades away. In those moments I am as one chained, enslaved to you, your words mean all and all others pale in comparison. I am loved and that is all that matters! Then glancing at my feet I realize I am still as free as I always was. One look into your loving eyes confirms it. WOW. What is a girl to do when lavished with such love and trust? Fly, that's what! Fly back out and conquer it all with his words propelling me onward!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Jaded, Doubting, Uncertain... Yet He is there

And He SHINES on me. He warms me. He awes me. The tears come to my eyes and I try to hold them back.. I won't weep, I refuse to weep when I am this angry, this hurt, this betrayed. And yet... He is there. He is patient. Ever reminding me in little ways and big ways of his ardent passion for me. He has never left me. He never abandoned me. It is me who is turning my head away from his romantic melody. I am the doubter, he is the wooer. And he never gives up. How can I not melt when he is this amazing in his romance? How can I not forgive him for something he never even did to me... I am holding a grudge against an innocent lover... because I don't fully understand him. He says he wants me to have the most marvelous, amazing, happy, joyful and wonderful life and here I am wanting instant proof of that life and railing against him at the slightest sign of a storm. And yet... it is the moments with him that are the most marvelous, amazing, happy, joyful and wonderful. I am ruined for anyone else. I cannot be happy anywhere else but with him, in his arms.



Thank you Steve McVey for posting this song today because it struck a chord with all that I have been struggling with in my walk.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Opportunity --- Seize the day or Walk Away?

Once in a lifetime the opportunity comes To leap from the comfort of the everyday Into the possibilities of the future. But what we do in that moment makes all the difference. Do we run and hide in terror at the thought of the unknown? Do we pretend everything is the same and go on As if oblivious to the new pathway? Do we question and research this avenue Yet refuse to act upon our knowledge? Do we beg the advice of those around us Allowing them to make our decisions Rather than listening to the voice of our own heart, Or do we cast aside the hum drum of our normal routine And embrace this new venture wholeheartedly? THIS choice makes all the difference in future fulfillment. Abundant life is offered freely, but when such freedom is refused.... What good can it bring to one's existence? Fears are lies. Worries are enemies. Anxiety is a phantom. The wall is an imaginary construct waiting to be crushed. So chase that dream with all your heart. GO! Make it yours while you can. You can grasp it if you only choose to do so. It lies with in you.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Great 8 Competencies

According to Enneagram research, 7s fall into this category of the Great 8 Competencies (a personality profile I had never heard of before, but will have to look into further.)

Interacting and presenting

Interacting and presenting comprises three sets of competencies. First, relating and networking entails relating and networking, building rapport, networking, relating across levels, managing conflict, and using humor. Second, persuading and influencing entails making an impact, shaping conversations, appealing to emotions, promoting ideas, negotiating, gaining agreement, and dealing with political issues. Third, presenting and communicating information includes speaking fluently, explaining concepts and opinions, articulating key points of an argument, presenting and public speaking, projecting credibility, and responding to an audience.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Career test results

These are the personality types in Dr. John Holland's theory of careers and vocational choice:
Realistic: practical, physical, concrete, hands-on, machine, and tool-oriented
Investigative: analytical, intellectual, scientific, explorative, thinker
Artistic: creative, original, independent, chaotic, inventive, media, graphics, and text
Social: cooperative, supporting, helping, healing/nurturing, teaching
Enterprising: competitive environments, leadership, persuading, status
Conventional: detail-oriented, organizing, clerical


My results from the test (which I am not entirely thrilled about!):
You preferred 'Investigative' the most, followed by 'Enterprising' and 'Artistic'. Your six letter personality type is 'IEACRS'. Your personal preference is also shown in a graph below.





Your personal Holland Code:

Depending on how strongly you favor any specific type you can compose your own personal Holland Code. You do this by taking the first letters of the types you favor most. In your case, this is the letters I, E and A Your personal Holland Code then becomes either IEA, IE, EI or even EIA.

Recommended jobs:

Architect
Journalist
Lawyer
Judge
Mechanical engineering technician
Logistics manager
Web developer
University researcher
General practitioner
Secondary school manager
HR manager
Police inspector
Veterinary practitioner
Estate agent
Socialphotographer
Civil engineering technician.

Big 5 tests compared;

Today's results: high extraversion, low agreeableness, low conscientiousness, high neuroticism, and high openness to experience. Soooo... I have changed a bit here and there in the conscientiousness and neuroticism categories. or else perhaps I was just more honest with myself today. :p

Comparing my '08 results with my current results:

Extraversion

Same score, however my activity level is down from 94% in '08 to 61% in '11 and my cheerfulness is down from 97% to 91%

Agreeableness

I was low in this both times I took the test, however I dropped from 25% in '08 to 0% currently. Hmmm... I am apparently a very disagreeable person.
My score went down in all levels except trust which went from 66% to 79%.
The greatest drop was in altruism: 64% down to 3%

Conscientiousness
another BIG drop here.. from 44% down to 8%. However, my self-efficacy increased 4% to 89%.
I am less dutiful than ever dropping from 33% to 0!!!
Basically, all other categories are lower, including SURPRISE! achievement-striving which dropped from 84% to 47%.

Neuroticism

Increase here from 58% to 76%

Only category that is down is depression. YAY! However, anxiety and anger are at new highs... I've increased my immoderation and vulnerability significantly as well. Still not self-conscious - Holding at 1%

Openness to Experience

Higher score by 4%, Imagination is down 2%, intellect dropped a few points, liberalism jumped from 0 to a whopping 43%!! Wow! Overall, scores are relatively the same in this category.

Big 5 Personality Test

Studying the Big 5 personality this week (already took the exam) so I'm taking a handful of the tests to see exactly how stable the traits are. In '08 (results posted in an earlier blog) I was high extraversion, low agreeableness, average conscientiousness, average neuroticism, and high openness to experience. On to test takin!


Test 1:
Big Five Test Results
Extroversion (90%) very high which suggests you are overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.
Accommodation (14%) very low which suggests you are overly selfish, uncooperative, and difficult at the expense too often of the well being of others.
Orderliness (28%) low which suggests you are overly flexible, random, scattered, and fun seeking at the expense too often of structure, reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.
Emotional Stability (18%) low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.
Inquisitiveness (52%) medium which suggests you are moderately intellectual, curious, and imaginative.
Take Free Big Five Personality Test
Personality Test by SimilarMinds.com


Test 2: Word test
Big Five Word Test Results
Extroversion (90%) very high which suggests you are overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.
Accommodation (24%) low which suggests you are overly selfish, uncooperative, and difficult at the expense too often of the well being of others.
Orderliness (50%) medium which suggests you are moderately organized, structured, and self controlled while still remaining flexible, varied, and fun.
Emotional Stability (18%) low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.
Inquisitiveness (80%) high which suggests you are very intellectual, curious, imaginative but possibly not very practical.
Take Free Big Five Word Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com


Test 3: the long one!

Extraversion
Extraversion is marked by pronounced engagement with the external world. Extraverts enjoy being with people, are full of energy, and often experience positive emotions. They tend to be enthusiastic, action-oriented, individuals who are likely to say "Yes!" or "Let's go!" to opportunities for excitement. In groups they like to talk, assert themselves, and draw attention to themselves.

Introverts lack the exuberance, energy, and activity levels of extraverts. They tend to be quiet, low-key, deliberate, and disengaged from the social world. Their lack of social involvement should not be interpreted as shyness or depression; the introvert simply needs less stimulation than an extravert and prefers to be alone. The independence and reserve of the introvert is sometimes mistaken as unfriendliness or arrogance. In reality, an introvert who scores high on the agreeableness dimension will not seek others out but will be quite pleasant when approached.


EXTRAVERSION...............99
..Friendliness.............95
..Gregariousness...........99
..Assertiveness............99
..Activity Level...........61
..Excitement-Seeking.......99
..Cheerfulness.............91


Your score on Extraversion is high, indicating you are sociable, outgoing, energetic, and lively. You prefer to be around people much of the time.

Extraversion Facets

Friendliness. Friendly people genuinely like other people and openly demonstrate positive feelings toward others. They make friends quickly and it is easy for them to form close, intimate relationships. Low scorers on Friendliness are not necessarily cold and hostile, but they do not reach out to others and are perceived as distant and reserved. Your level of friendliness is high.

Gregariousness. Gregarious people find the company of others pleasantly stimulating and rewarding. They enjoy the excitement of crowds. Low scorers tend to feel overwhelmed by, and therefore actively avoid, large crowds. They do not necessarily dislike being with people sometimes, but their need for privacy and time to themselves is much greater than for individuals who score high on this scale. Your level of gregariousness is high.

Assertiveness. High scorers Assertiveness like to speak out, take charge, and direct the activities of others. They tend to be leaders in groups. Low scorers tend not to talk much and let others control the activities of groups. Your level of assertiveness is high.

Activity Level. Active individuals lead fast-paced, busy lives. They move about quickly, energetically, and vigorously, and they are involved in many activities. People who score low on this scale follow a slower and more leisurely, relaxed pace. Your activity level is average.

Excitement-Seeking. High scorers on this scale are easily bored without high levels of stimulation. They love bright lights and hustle and bustle. They are likely to take risks and seek thrills. Low scorers are overwhelmed by noise and commotion and are adverse to thrill-seeking. Your level of excitement-seeking is high.

Cheerfulness. This scale measures positive mood and feelings, not negative emotions (which are a part of the Neuroticism domain). Persons who score high on this scale typically experience a range of positive feelings, including happiness, enthusiasm, optimism, and joy. Low scorers are not as prone to such energetic, high spirits. Your level of positive emotions is high.

Agreeableness
Agreeableness reflects individual differences in concern with cooperation and social harmony. Agreeable individuals value getting along with others. They are therefore considerate, friendly, generous, helpful, and willing to compromise their interests with others'. Agreeable people also have an optimistic view of human nature. They believe people are basically honest, decent, and trustworthy.

Disagreeable individuals place self-interest above getting along with others. They are generally unconcerned with others' well-being, and therefore are unlikely to extend themselves for other people. Sometimes their skepticism about others' motives causes them to be suspicious, unfriendly, and uncooperative.

Agreeableness is obviously advantageous for attaining and maintaining popularity. Agreeable people are better liked than disagreeable people. On the other hand, agreeableness is not useful in situations that require tough or absolute objective decisions. Disagreeable people can make excellent scientists, critics, or soldiers.



AGREEABLENESS..............0
..Trust....................79
..Morality.................1
..Altruism.................3
..Cooperation..............22
..Modesty..................1
..Sympathy.................1


Your score on Agreeableness is low, indicating less concern with others' needs Than with your own. People see you as tough, critical, and uncompromising.

Agreeableness Facets

Trust. A person with high trust assumes that most people are fair, honest, and have good intentions. Persons low in trust see others as selfish, devious, and potentially dangerous. Your level of trust is high.

Morality. High scorers on this scale see no need for pretense or manipulation when dealing with others and are therefore candid, frank, and sincere. Low scorers believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary. People find it relatively easy to relate to the straightforward high-scorers on this scale. They generally find it more difficult to relate to the unstraightforward low-scorers on this scale. It should be made clear that low scorers are not unprincipled or immoral; they are simply more guarded and less willing to openly reveal the whole truth. Your level of morality is low.

Altruism. Altruistic people find helping other people genuinely rewarding. Consequently, they are generally willing to assist those who are in need. Altruistic people find that doing things for others is a form of self-fulfillment rather than self-sacrifice. Low scorers on this scale do not particularly like helping those in need. Requests for help feel like an imposition rather than an opportunity for self-fulfillment. Your level of altruism is low.

Cooperation. Individuals who score high on this scale dislike confrontations. They are perfectly willing to compromise or to deny their own needs in order to get along with others. Those who score low on this scale are more likely to intimidate others to get their way. Your level of compliance is low.

Modesty. High scorers on this scale do not like to claim that they are better than other people. In some cases this attitude may derive from low self-confidence or self-esteem. Nonetheless, some people with high self-esteem find immodesty unseemly. Those who are willing to describe themselves as superior tend to be seen as disagreeably arrogant by other people. Your level of modesty is low.

Sympathy. People who score high on this scale are tenderhearted and compassionate. They feel the pain of others vicariously and are easily moved to pity. Low scorers are not affected strongly by human suffering. They pride themselves on making objective judgments based on reason. They are more concerned with truth and impartial justice than with mercy. Your level of tender-mindedness is low.

Conscientiousness
Conscientiousness concerns the way in which we control, regulate, and direct our impulses. Impulses are not inherently bad; occasionally time constraints require a snap decision, and acting on our first impulse can be an effective response. Also, in times of play rather than work, acting spontaneously and impulsively can be fun. Impulsive individuals can be seen by others as colorful, fun-to-be-with, and zany.

Nonetheless, acting on impulse can lead to trouble in a number of ways. Some impulses are antisocial. Uncontrolled antisocial acts not only harm other members of society, but also can result in retribution toward the perpetrator of such impulsive acts. Another problem with impulsive acts is that they often produce immediate rewards but undesirable, long-term consequences. Examples include excessive socializing that leads to being fired from one's job, hurling an insult that causes the breakup of an important relationship, or using pleasure-inducing drugs that eventually destroy one's health.

Impulsive behavior, even when not seriously destructive, diminishes a person's effectiveness in significant ways. Acting impulsively disallows contemplating alternative courses of action, some of which would have been wiser than the impulsive choice. Impulsivity also sidetracks people during projects that require organized sequences of steps or stages. Accomplishments of an impulsive person are therefore small, scattered, and inconsistent.

A hallmark of intelligence, what potentially separates human beings from earlier life forms, is the ability to think about future consequences before acting on an impulse. Intelligent activity involves contemplation of long-range goals, organizing and planning routes to these goals, and persisting toward one's goals in the face of short-lived impulses to the contrary. The idea that intelligence involves impulse control is nicely captured by the term prudence, an alternative label for the Conscientiousness domain. Prudent means both wise and cautious. Persons who score high on the Conscientiousness scale are, in fact, perceived by others as intelligent.

The benefits of high conscientiousness are obvious. Conscientious individuals avoid trouble and achieve high levels of success through purposeful planning and persistence. They are also positively regarded by others as intelligent and reliable. On the negative side, they can be compulsive perfectionists and workaholics. Furthermore, extremely conscientious individuals might be regarded as stuffy and boring. Unconscientious people may be criticized for their unreliability, lack of ambition, and failure to stay within the lines, but they will experience many short-lived pleasures and they will never be called stuffy.



CONSCIENTIOUSNESS..........8
..Self-Efficacy............89
..Orderliness..............7
..Achievement-Striving.....47
..Dutifulness..............0
..Self-Discipline..........30
..Cautiousness.............1


Your score on Conscientiousness is low, indicating you like to live for the moment and do what feels good now. Your work tends to be careless and disorganized.

Conscientiousness Facets

Self-Efficacy. Self-Efficacy describes confidence in one's ability to accomplish things. High scorers believe they have the intelligence (common sense), drive, and self-control necessary for achieving success. Low scorers do not feel effective, and may have a sense that they are not in control of their lives. Your level of self-efficacy is high.

Orderliness. Persons with high scores on orderliness are well-organized. They like to live according to routines and schedules. They keep lists and make plans. Low scorers tend to be disorganized and scattered. Your level of orderliness is low.

Dutifulness. This scale reflects the strength of a person's sense of duty and obligation. Those who score high on this scale have a strong sense of moral obligation. Low scorers find contracts, rules, and regulations overly confining. They are likely to be seen as unreliable or even irresponsible. Your level of dutifulness is low.

Achievement-Striving. Individuals who score high on this scale strive hard to achieve excellence. Their drive to be recognized as successful keeps them on track toward their lofty goals. They often have a strong sense of direction in life, but extremely high scores may be too single-minded and obsessed with their work. Low scorers are content to get by with a minimal amount of work, and might be seen by others as lazy. Your level of achievement striving is average.

Self-Discipline. Self-discipline-what many people call will-power-refers to the ability to persist at difficult or unpleasant tasks until they are completed. People who possess high self-discipline are able to overcome reluctance to begin tasks and stay on track despite distractions. Those with low self-discipline procrastinate and show poor follow-through, often failing to complete tasks-even tasks they want very much to complete. Your level of self-discipline is low.

Cautiousness. Cautiousness describes the disposition to think through possibilities before acting. High scorers on the Cautiousness scale take their time when making decisions. Low scorers often say or do first thing that comes to mind without deliberating alternatives and the probable consequences of those alternatives. Your level of cautiousness is low.

Neuroticism
Freud originally used the term neurosis to describe a condition marked by mental distress, emotional suffering, and an inability to cope effectively with the normal demands of life. He suggested that everyone shows some signs of neurosis, but that we differ in our degree of suffering and our specific symptoms of distress. Today neuroticism refers to the tendency to experience negative feelings. Those who score high on Neuroticism may experience primarily one specific negative feeling such as anxiety, anger, or depression, but are likely to experience several of these emotions. People high in neuroticism are emotionally reactive. They respond emotionally to events that would not affect most people, and their reactions tend to be more intense than normal. They are more likely to interpret ordinary situations as threatening, and minor frustrations as hopelessly difficult. Their negative emotional reactions tend to persist for unusually long periods of time, which means they are often in a bad mood. These problems in emotional regulation can diminish a neurotic's ability to think clearly, make decisions, and cope effectively with stress.

At the other end of the scale, individuals who score low in neuroticism are less easily upset and are less emotionally reactive. They tend to be calm, emotionally stable, and free from persistent negative feelings. Freedom from negative feelings does not mean that low scorers experience a lot of positive feelings; frequency of positive emotions is a component of the Extraversion domain.



NEUROTICISM................76
..Anxiety..................73
..Anger....................99
..Depression...............66
..Self-Consciousness.......1
..Immoderation.............85
..Vulnerability............79


Your score on Neuroticism is high, indicating that you are easily upset, even by what most people consider the normal demands of living. People consider you to be sensitive and emotional.

Neuroticism Facets

Anxiety. The "fight-or-flight" system of the brain of anxious individuals is too easily and too often engaged. Therefore, people who are high in anxiety often feel like something dangerous is about to happen. They may be afraid of specific situations or be just generally fearful. They feel tense, jittery, and nervous. Persons low in Anxiety are generally calm and fearless. Your level of anxiety is high.

Anger. Persons who score high in Anger feel enraged when things do not go their way. They are sensitive about being treated fairly and feel resentful and bitter when they feel they are being cheated. This scale measures the tendency to feel angry; whether or not the person expresses annoyance and hostility depends on the individual's level on Agreeableness. Low scorers do not get angry often or easily. Your level of anger is high.

Depression. This scale measures the tendency to feel sad, dejected, and discouraged. High scorers lack energy and have difficult initiating activities. Low scorers tend to be free from these depressive feelings. Your level of depression is average.

Self-Consciousness. Self-conscious individuals are sensitive about what others think of them. Their concern about rejection and ridicule cause them to feel shy and uncomfortable abound others. They are easily embarrassed and often feel ashamed. Their fears that others will criticize or make fun of them are exaggerated and unrealistic, but their awkwardness and discomfort may make these fears a self-fulfilling prophecy. Low scorers, in contrast, do not suffer from the mistaken impression that everyone is watching and judging them. They do not feel nervous in social situations. Your level or self-consciousness is low.

Immoderation. Immoderate individuals feel strong cravings and urges that they have have difficulty resisting. They tend to be oriented toward short-term pleasures and rewards rather than long- term consequences. Low scorers do not experience strong, irresistible cravings and consequently do not find themselves tempted to overindulge. Your level of immoderation is high.

Vulnerability. High scorers on Vulnerability experience panic, confusion, and helplessness when under pressure or stress. Low scorers feel more poised, confident, and clear-thinking when stressed. Your level of vulnerability is high.


Openness to Experience

Openness to Experience describes a dimension of cognitive style that distinguishes imaginative, creative people from down-to-earth, conventional people. Open people are intellectually curious, appreciative of art, and sensitive to beauty. They tend to be, compared to closed people, more aware of their feelings. They tend to think and act in individualistic and nonconforming ways. Intellectuals typically score high on Openness to Experience; consequently, this factor has also been called Culture or Intellect. Nonetheless, Intellect is probably best regarded as one aspect of openness to experience. Scores on Openness to Experience are only modestly related to years of education and scores on standard intelligent tests.

Another characteristic of the open cognitive style is a facility for thinking in symbols and abstractions far removed from concrete experience. Depending on the individual's specific intellectual abilities, this symbolic cognition may take the form of mathematical, logical, or geometric thinking, artistic and metaphorical use of language, music composition or performance, or one of the many visual or performing arts. People with low scores on openness to experience tend to have narrow, common interests. They prefer the plain, straightforward, and obvious over the complex, ambiguous, and subtle. They may regard the arts and sciences with suspicion, regarding these endeavors as abstruse or of no practical use. Closed people prefer familiarity over novelty; they are conservative and resistant to change.

Openness is often presented as healthier or more mature by psychologists, who are often themselves open to experience. However, open and closed styles of thinking are useful in different environments. The intellectual style of the open person may serve a professor well, but research has shown that closed thinking is related to superior job performance in police work, sales, and a number of service occupations.


OPENNESS TO EXPERIENCE.....95
..Imagination..............79
..Artistic Interests.......82
..Emotionality.............92
..Adventurousness..........99
..Intellect................87
..Liberalism...............43


Your score on Openness to Experience is high, indicating you enjoy novelty, variety, and change. You are curious, imaginative, and creative.

Openness Facets

Imagination. To imaginative individuals, the real world is often too plain and ordinary. High scorers on this scale use fantasy as a way of creating a richer, more interesting world. Low scorers are on this scale are more oriented to facts than fantasy. Your level of imagination is high.

Artistic Interests. High scorers on this scale love beauty, both in art and in nature. They become easily involved and absorbed in artistic and natural events. They are not necessarily artistically trained nor talented, although many will be. The defining features of this scale are interest in, and appreciation of natural and artificial beauty. Low scorers lack aesthetic sensitivity and interest in the arts. Your level of artistic interests is high.

Emotionality. Persons high on Emotionality have good access to and awareness of their own feelings. Low scorers are less aware of their feelings and tend not to express their emotions openly. Your level of emotionality is high.

Adventurousness. High scorers on adventurousness are eager to try new activities, travel to foreign lands, and experience different things. They find familiarity and routine boring, and will take a new route home just because it is different. Low scorers tend to feel uncomfortable with change and prefer familiar routines. Your level of adventurousness is high.

Intellect. Intellect and artistic interests are the two most important, central aspects of openness to experience. High scorers on Intellect love to play with ideas. They are open-minded to new and unusual ideas, and like to debate intellectual issues. They enjoy riddles, puzzles, and brain teasers. Low scorers on Intellect prefer dealing with either people or things rather than ideas. They regard intellectual exercises as a waste of time. Intellect should not be equated with intelligence. Intellect is an intellectual style, not an intellectual ability, although high scorers on Intellect score slightly higher than low-Intellect individuals on standardized intelligence tests. Your level of intellect is high.

Liberalism. Psychological liberalism refers to a readiness to challenge authority, convention, and traditional values. In its most extreme form, psychological liberalism can even represent outright hostility toward rules, sympathy for law-breakers, and love of ambiguity, chaos, and disorder. Psychological conservatives prefer the security and stability brought by conformity to tradition. Psychological liberalism and conservatism are not identical to political affiliation, but certainly incline individuals toward certain political parties. Your level of liberalism is average.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

I aspire to be you... but realize I can only be me

Some revelations are almost welcoming. They take the stress off. I know who I want to be like more than anything, and it's my Aunt Sandy. And I realized today that it just isn't in my core makeup to be her. We have many similarities, but I'm me and she is her. LOL And it's ok. She will always be my hero. Trying to be her is hard for me. I can't cook like that, clean like that, do all those projects and actually finish them! I'm a scatter brain. I start things and leave them undone. I'm cluttered and messy. I hate housework. I like to bake, but really only like to cook on occasions when I'm in the mood. I much prefer to have Chris do the daily meals. I'm no Suzie homemaker. I love to entertain, but despite countless spiritual gift test that say otherwise I have realized that I DO NOT HAVE THE GIFT OF HOSPITALITY! I just like to have people over to my house... because I NEED people around me to be fulfilled. Yeah. I don't like meeting their needs, they meet mine. I don't think there is a giant switch in my head I can throw that will put me into hospitality mode any time soon. I grumble and groan when I actually get put into a service role. It's just not me. Now, give me a fun project and I'm all over it! Helping in the kitchen at a party here and there... cool. No prob. Setting a table and making it pretty.. I don't mind. Especially if there are people involved. I can do all those things, but.. ummmm... just not to that level. Nope. But honestly, I'd much rather be the one shirking the duties and playing games, talking, dancing, swimming, something.. anything.. but actual housework stuff! There. I feel better. I'm just not made that way. Huge relief. (Of course, I do love my occasional whirlwind clean the whole house days and organize the closet days.. I can't deny my craziness there)
And I soooo wish I could hang out with my Aunt Sandy more often! Oh yes! Some of my bestest fondest memories EVER are with her! :)

Monday, June 6, 2011

Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it.

I Thessalonians 5:4 Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it.

This is the verse that is echoing in my head this morning after yesterday's... I don't know what you call that... annointing?

Long story short, Rich Nathan preached a great message on women's roles in the church and basically flung the door open for women to do any area of ministry including Sr. Pastor. Which is pretty much what I have believed for a while after doing some research on it several years back. Anyway, at the end he asked for women who had a call to ministry on their lives to come forward for prayer.

I looked at Chris and said, "Yeah.. I do... but..." And he said, "You'd better go then!"

Remember those verses I had from a while back?

I Timothy 1:12 And I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who hath enabled me, for that he counted me faithful, putting me into the ministry;

what ministry I asked him?
And some time later he says,

Colossians 4:17 And say to Archippus, Take heed to the ministry which thou hast received in the Lord, that thou fulfil it.

And I had the distinct feeling that God was calling me "Archippus" whatever that meant.

So, I found out that Archippus's name meant "master of the horse" and that he was an elder at Philemon's house church. Didn't make much sense to me because there was no way I could be an elder.

Anyway.. I've shoved all that aside for sometime now, but yesterday Pastor Nathan prayed down the Holy Spirit annointing on me and a lady prayed over me too with laying on of hands that I would be free from my past mindset about gender roles so that God could reveal to me the ministry he has for me. Wow.

So I'm looking further into Archippus, and I found out that he was likely the first bishop of Laodicea in Phrygia (Turkey), but at the time of Paul's writing he was a pastor or co-pastor of the church in Colosse.

Also, this is a guy whose heart is with Paul. Only two men were called Paul's fellow soldiers, Epaphroditis and Archippus. This word in Greek means "an associate in labours and conflicts for the cause of Christ"

Not a lot else known about this guy, but God found him important enough to mention twice in Scripture. Once to let us know that he was an upstanding guy and the other time to let us know that he had an important ministry call on his life.

And this is who God says I am... Hmmm...

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Early morning ponderings...

Some people like to do puzzles, I like to draw mazes... Right now I'm trying to figure out where some of these interesting paths in my life intersect into the main path... and I'm concerned about which ones may dead end... Unfortunately, this is one maze that I did not draw....
And of course, there is comfort in the fact that the most amazing Maze Maker of all has designed this one for me, but there is also frustration involved cuz I want to know NOW. Sometimes it's hard to rest in Him, knowing that He will show me in His time. I have many questions, and I have many plans. I really should not worry, it's not like He's disappointed me yet. He has given me the desires of my heart over and over and over again... Really, is there reason to fear? No... no fears... only a deep need to see the end goal, to formulate a clear vision, to know exactly what I am working towards. :) I think, "Is that so much to ask?" I suppose not, and yet I know this One who guides me each step of the way, and He has been very funny about giving me tiny little illuminated corridors at a time! A scripture verse here, a self-insight there... Perhaps to others these make more sense than they do to myself! Maybe? HA! And so the mystery continues, and I grab a hold of His hand and beg Him to take me deeper into Himself and deeper into what He has for me. I anticipate...... something wonderful....!

Friday, April 8, 2011

Jesus Life Coach

Little thing I wrote for school that I ended up not using. Wasn't exactly what the assignment called for, so I re-wrote it with a different life application. Thought this was worth saving though. :)

There was a time that I saw Jesus as coming to steal away the individuality of those who called upon his name. Every dream I ever had as a child was squelched because I thought that in order to be a Christian, I had to ‘fit the mold’ that every other Christian in my church was striving to fit into with the ultimate goal being full-time ministry as if that were the end-all-be-all place of the Christian life. I always loved the verse in Scripture that says, “Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart” (Psalm 37:4), because secretly, deep inside me, I hoped that if I tried hard enough to please him he would make me happy with some of my hopes and dreams—but this was always explained away as meaning Christ’s desires.
Then one day I actually met Jesus. He transformed my life, my way of thinking, my everything. Slowly, bit-by-bit, he awakened my heart to the realization that the dreams inside of me were gifts from him! He had created me with a purpose and a plan, and the week-in, week-out performance of religion was not going to replace that for me. With Jesus as my Coach my life has become, as Jones (2004) says, “a dance of possibilities far more than the march of sorrows we have come to associate with religion” (p. 169). No longer do I look to a religious consensus to see where my story will go, I look within me to the amazing passions Jesus has placed there. He has given me the desires of my heart.

Reference
Jones, Laurie B. (2004) Jesus life coach. New York, NY. MLB Books

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Life Song/Movie/Show

Been thinking for awhile about what my life song, movie, or tv show would be...
i.e. desperate housewife, sleepless in seattle, etc...
I, of course, must choose a song! I'm a music person!
And I can't just stick with title, it must include lyrics. :)


Leaning right now toward Dream, by Michelle Tumes (I say leaning, because I am still thinking about this... I may find something that speaks to me even more, but this is just so spot on at the moment)
Dreams you say? yes! I'm full of them!



I believe there is divine imagination
Give it wings for it created aviation
Every little hop you’re holding inside
Every little gleam you keep in you eyes
A dream, yeah, a dream

Before a seed became a flower there was a vision
The dream is planted deep, He’ll shower it with wisdom
Flowing with love that’s making you smile
You’ve waited in your faith you’ve dreamed your whole life
Your soul begin to fly

There’s a dream in your heart
And His heart is your prayer
You can move mountains with your life in His hands
He’ll tear down the walls and He’ll walk where you can’t
Have faith in the power to believe
He’s given you a dream

I pray your dream will leap beyond your expectations
You’ll see miracles He has no limitations
Listen to His voice a spark will ignite
Let Him be the strength to carry your life
He’ll raise your spirit high

You will find the bloom beneath the sunshine
Reach inside and sail to His horizon
Every little hope you’re holding inside
Every little gleam you keep in your eyes
You’ve waited in your faith you’ve dreamed your whole life
Let your soul begin to fly

Faith in the power to believe
He has given you a dream
Faith in the power to believe
Gotta have faith in the power to believe
He has given you a dream
Faith in the power

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Purpose Statement Revised Again... :)

“My purpose is to use my effervescence and people skills through writing, music, and personal relationships to guide, to inspire, and to lead others to realize their identity in Christ, to find their purpose, and to enter into the freedom of worshiping God in utter abandon.”

Always a work in progress!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

My dream

My dream... does it have to be singular? I have so many... .... All my songs recorded, by me, hearing myself on the radio, singing to thousands of people...
My books, written, published, taking pictures of them on random library shelves, sig...ning them alongside of those CD's I'm selling!
Getting my doctorate... yeah, I still dream about that... in developmental and positive psychology
Doing motivational/identity talks to thousands of people. People discovering who they are in Christ and finding freedom and realing the dream that God has placed inside them... becoming who God has made them to be.
Touring all over the place, traveling the world.
Coaching individuals to overcome obstacles and realize their big dreams!
the purpose (LEADING PEOPLE into a deep and real relational worship of God, Jesus, and the Spirit.. a place of utter abandon to the Saviour!