I aspire to be you... but realize I can only be me

Some revelations are almost welcoming. They take the stress off. I know who I want to be like more than anything, and it's my Aunt Sandy. And I realized today that it just isn't in my core makeup to be her. We have many similarities, but I'm me and she is her. LOL And it's ok. She will always be my hero. Trying to be her is hard for me. I can't cook like that, clean like that, do all those projects and actually finish them! I'm a scatter brain. I start things and leave them undone. I'm cluttered and messy. I hate housework. I like to bake, but really only like to cook on occasions when I'm in the mood. I much prefer to have Chris do the daily meals. I'm no Suzie homemaker. I love to entertain, but despite countless spiritual gift test that say otherwise I have realized that I DO NOT HAVE THE GIFT OF HOSPITALITY! I just like to have people over to my house... because I NEED people around me to be fulfilled. Yeah. I don't like meeting their needs, they meet mine. I don't think there is a giant switch in my head I can throw that will put me into hospitality mode any time soon. I grumble and groan when I actually get put into a service role. It's just not me. Now, give me a fun project and I'm all over it! Helping in the kitchen at a party here and there... cool. No prob. Setting a table and making it pretty.. I don't mind. Especially if there are people involved. I can do all those things, but.. ummmm... just not to that level. Nope. But honestly, I'd much rather be the one shirking the duties and playing games, talking, dancing, swimming, something.. anything.. but actual housework stuff! There. I feel better. I'm just not made that way. Huge relief. (Of course, I do love my occasional whirlwind clean the whole house days and organize the closet days.. I can't deny my craziness there)
And I soooo wish I could hang out with my Aunt Sandy more often! Oh yes! Some of my bestest fondest memories EVER are with her! :)

Where to serve....

So my husband found this great site on spiritual gifts, and it has a section to help you figure out what ministry you should serve in depending on where your strengths lie.
(http://mintools.com/ministries.htm) The gift categories are a bit different than the test I took, but here are the 8 gifts I scored highest in with ministry options (these links go to the website for more info on those ministry areas)

service (this is where my writing and music fall under)
benevolence/caring
clerical
communications
hospitality
service-oriented
staff-support
worship

hospitality
benevolence/caring
hospitality

discernment
discernment
prayer
staffing
staff-support
visionary

administration
Christian education
staffing
staff-support

leadership
Christian education
visionary

apostle
outreach
visionary

missionary outreach

Well, I don't feel like I'm any closer to what I'm supposed to do, but I know some areas in the church that I can try. I already do worship team and hospitality. I can rule out Christian education because I am NOT a teacher, and I can rule out some parts of benevolence because I do not have mercy or helps, but some of it is my type of hospitality... like sending cards, making meals, etc...

So what does that leave... the things that stand out to me are staff-support, visionary, and communications (here's where I could use my writing skills!).

Just what is my place in the church?

Hmmmm... still as confused as ever. I guess I'll keep doing what I know for now. Music! :0)

Just what are my spiritual gifts?

I am moving on in my search for where I fit in in this vast world that God created. My question of the hour is "Just what are my spiritual gifts?" I have often wondered this. Not only would God not create me with out a purpose (I am convinced of that now, whether I know just what it is or not), but he is unlikely to have left me utterly unequipped to accomplish said purpose. Now, if I could figure out what my spiritual gifts are, I think perhaps I'd be one step closer to finding my vision! Yes, that magical ethereal floating somewhere out there dream that I once had when I was a child....... (Cue the mystical music Mr. sound effect guy) According to PT, I have one. So last night we dragged in super late from our camping weekend, and I went straight to the computer to, that's right, take a spiritual gifts test. I was up awfully late.
Here is my score (25 is the highest score), and I shouldn't be that surprised by some of them...

25 - Writing
25 - Hospitality
25 - Music
25 - Discernment
21 - Leadership
14 - Administration
13 - Apostle
11 - Missionary
10 - Encouragement
10 - Faith
10 - Knowledge
9 - Wisdom
7 - Prophecy
6 - Mercy
6 - Exhortation
6 - Miracles
5 - Poverty (apparently I really like my stuff!)
5 - helps
4 - Pastoring (that works out good for me seeing that I'm a woman)
3 - Giving
2 - Healing
2 - Evangelism
2 - Craftsmanship
2 - Intercession
0 - Teaching, Celibacy (Chris will be glad to hear that), Tongues

So, I think that covers the bases (I know our particular denomination perhaps doesn't believe in all of these gifts, but this was the test I took)

What's funny about this is I have been told that I have all of the top 6 gifts by more than one person (my husband, Pastor, friends, etc) but I never realized that they were spiritual gifts. I guess I just had to see for myself. Missionary is higher up on the list, so I suppose I can't rule it out as an option for my future, seeing that some of the questions I answered negatively too were asking if God had called me to the mission field. I don't really no, so I put no. If he ever does that would change my answer and that score would move up from a 10 to who knows what.

So I'm left with writing and music... Should I write books, or be a singer? And where do hospitality and discernment fit in? I'm in charge of the hospitality at church (due to PT seeing that I had that gift earlier this year), but where does that fit in in my future? And discernment? So I know if someone is teaching false doctrine... what does that say about my ministry in the future? Leadership makes sense in whatever path I choose. I'm just a leader type. I'll be in charge, (NYA HA HAHAHAHAHAHA LOL ) and administrating in some small capacity all at the same time.

Ok... I'm still confused! *SIGH*

Jesus, I'd really like it if you would come down here and comment on my blog with some clear direction. "Rebecca, you will be a Christian artist." "Rebecca, you will be a Christian author." "Rebecca, you will be a missionary." "Rebecca, you will be a Pastor's wife." etc... something! anything! Just tell me!

The waiting is killing me...