Hmmm... this is an odd thing. After sorta shaking my fist at God, then apologizing, then explaining myself, then crying out to him, yet still leaving pretty much upset, He has begun to show himself everywhere. It's almost as if He actually paid attention to me. Huh. Like, He cares? Wow! I shouldn't be so floored, it's not as if I'm totally new at this whole Christian life thing. I've seen Him do some pretty amazing things. The thing is, that when you've spent so long asking and getting nothing, you start to feel a little cynical, you know? And then when it actually happens, there's this part of you (that fleshy part...
Nyah ha ha) that says you must be imagining things. But then there is this other part (that New Creation part!!
YAY!) that jumps for joy at sight of her beloved coming to her rescue! Sigh, "I knew you would be here... you are just in time!"
And he is just in time. When all hope is gone, he restores my hope. When strength is gone, he becomes my strength. When all joy is gone, he bubbles up inside of me once again. And it may be only for a few moments, but it's enough to get me to the next oasis in this desert of learning.
So, to give credit where credit is due (names excluded to protect the innocent!! ;0) )... this past week I have had two job offers (one of them FANTASTIC!), an interview at a place where I've been begging God to get me into (funny thing about that is, if they call me I'm not sure if I'll take the job!), we've been given $100 by some random person at church (If I knew who you were, I'd give you a big hug!!!), $500 from a friend, groceries from another friend (cupboards were bare! she rocks!), pull-ups and a few groceries from a relative, and the creme-
de-la-creme was the friend who changed our oil, filled up our gas tank, and then changed our front brakes and rotors! (not that they are any more special than the friend who bought us groceries, just that that was something that we have needed done desperately!)
So, thanks to all of them... Wow! They may or may not have any idea how much that was needed, but I want them to know how much it meant spiritually. It's been dry and dusty. And they were Jesus to us. To me! I saw Jesus in them.
But as I said, credit where credit is due... Jesus, I'm in awe. You said, I'd find you if I sought you with all my heart, and that's one thing I haven't quit doing. And sure enough here you are. And you are doing big things. Well, big to me from the perspective I'm in at this moment. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Now if you wouldn't mind taking care of a few other things... ;0) I have a list. And since you are reading my blog anyway, check out my whole purpose/vision struggle. I've been asking you for vision for over a month now! Hint. Hint.
As I said before, I've been focusing on the waves for way too long. Fear, anger, frustration, anxiety, depression: it's kinda where I've lived. Boy, have I been foolish to doubt God. God is so good to me. So good to my family. I mentioned some things that he has done for us in an earlier blog, but somehow even with my thankful attitude, it just wasn't enough. I still felt like I was drowning. Enter Jesus! (not that he had really left, of course!) He moved upon our church family to shower us in blessings. I think that I was touched more than I ever have been before. I felt surrounded in love, in hope, in peace, in comfort. I am not alone. Not only is Jesus still watching out for me, his church, his body, is also caring for me. I am blessed. I am blessed!!!
