A pearl in the hands of God

Matthew 13-45-46
God's kingdom is like a jewel merchant on the hunt for excellent pearls. Finding one that is flawless, he immediately sells everything and buys it.
The Message

Honestly, I don't even know how to describe this better than it already is! I have written and rewritten sentence after sentence in my head, and nothing sounds quite right. I was lying here in bed trying to go to sleep when the Spirit brought several verses to mind, starting with the thought that when God looked down at me he saw the most beautiful pearl he had ever seen. He was breathtaken! He was awestruck! He could not take his eyes off of me for one second. There was a problem though; there was a steep price to pay. You see, I was owned by Satan. I was claimed by sin. I was a slave to this world, and he could not simply have me for his own. He pondered this predicament. He couldn't sit and do nothing about this marvelous gem that he had discovered! It would be such a waste of perfection! It came to him then: he had to sell all that he had to purchase me. There was no other option. No other choice. It must be done. He HAD to have me. And Oh! the glory it would bring him to lift me away from the darkness of sin and into his wondrous light! He looked through heaven; only one thing could pay the price for such a pearl and that was the precious blood of His Son Jesus. The sacrifice was made. Jesus was sent to the cross. The blood was spilled; the payment offered. "Tetelestai!" Jesus cried. It is finished. Paid in full.

One day I knelt at the foot of his cross, accepted his sacrifice, and basked in his love. Satan was powerless to keep me, for the price was paid! I was free! Oh, how the Lord lavished his love upon me, his precious pearl. He told me how beautiful I was and how much he adored me... over and over....

But there was a problem.

I couldn't believe a word of it.

Me? a pearl? Perhaps a crusty piece of quartz... but a pearl? And then, IF I was a pearl, a pearl of WORTH? Of beauty? I looked at myself in the mirror and all I saw were smudges and smears of grime. I saw sin stains. I saw the devil's handprints. I saw chips in my would-be smooth exterior. I didn't see what he saw. He must be confused!! Is he even looking at me right?

He smiled at me tenderly and reminded me that he bought me. He paid for me. He CHOSE me. He desired me. He accepted me.

Such words! I looked in the mirror again, and wondered at how I could have my reflection match up to the one that he described. The answer from him was simple: 'Abide here in my hand. Sparkle for me little pearl! Glorify me in your body! Glorify me in your spirit! Glorify me now! Shine for me now! Take every part of yourself and turn it upon me as if you are the perfect pearl I see you to be.'

And so I did. I forgot the image in the mirror. I forgot the smudges, the handprints, the dirt and grime. I forgot the broken and rough edges of my face. I looked upon Him! I loved on Him! I gave my all to Him! I lived every moment of every day to make his existence more beautiful. And one day I glanced at the mirror and noticed that I didn't look quite as dirty as I used to look...

I Cor 6:20 KJV

For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.

My sincerest apologies

I must apologize to all of you who do not yet comprehend the wonders of the grace walk, as there are some of you who are feeling judged. We of the grace community do not intend to make you feel this way at all, I promise you. None of the words we write are barbed with hatred, malice, bitterness, or any form of bashing against any individual or particular church group/organization for that matter. We are simply as blind men having received our sight who will stop at nothing to proclaim the good news to every blind person we see! Does that make us judgemental?

We all were once slaves serving the Pharoah of Egypt and God rescued us all and brought us over the Red Sea... We are all brothers in Christ having tasted of salvation! In that instance, those on both sides of this matter of grace understand the need to cry the gospel from the rooftops.

Yet... some of those who have entered into salvation wander in the wilderness never receiving the full abundant life that God has promised us. They believe there is victory in Christ.... some day. They believe that there is rest in Christ... someday. They are afraid at every moment to mess it up and offend the God who redeemed them. Their daily lives do not match up to the New Testament example, and they excuse it with, "Well, it will all be made right when we get to heaven." Or perhaps the daily struggles in their lives are so great that they actually would prefer to return to the chains of Egypt, because at least there they had a few pleasures in life.

Then there are some of us who reach the Jordan river, and perhaps with great trepidation or with anticipation we cross over in the arms of our Saviour. The victory, rest, and abundant life they find there is so fantastic that they feel the need to cry out to all the world, "There is FREEDOM in Christ!" We do not ever need to walk in defeat again! Why should we ever desire to return to Egypt when this land flows with milk and honey and the grapes are so HUGE! This is a land of plenty! A land of GRACE.

When we of the grace community come across to you as judgemental, please understand that we are trying to show you something WONDERFUL! We are in pain for you. We remember how it felt to be slaves in Egypt so we tell the lost man how to be saved. We remember what it is like to wander in defeat so we tell the Christian how to find freedom in Christ. We hurt for you and want to help you.
And on the other hand, we love our Saviour soooo much, that we cannot help but speak about what he has done for us! He is our everything!

-if though, you are still intent on finding hate speak in our writings, I will allow this one thing: We are bold proclaimers of hatred of religion in any form. So was Jesus, so this shouldn't be offensive to anyone. :)

My testimony

August 17, 2007
During my early teenage years I doubted my salvation. I only went through the outward motions of Christianity, but I had no desire to have anything personal with God. When I was asked to give my testimony, I had to ask my mom for all the details. My own memories were very faint, and I had no peace inside that I was saved. But I ignored those feelings because everyone else was so certain that I was, and I didn't want to seem silly. One time I went forward at youth camp to talk about getting saved, but my counselor spent the whole time convincing me I already was, so I figured it was useless to say anything to anyone else.

I met my future husband Chris at church. We were friends for several years, and that friendship grew into love. By this time had I been honest with myself I knew that I wasn't saved, but it was much easier to go on as if I was. When the Pastor asked me how sure I was that Chris was the one for me I told him "As sure as I know that I'm saved," And I knew it was a lie. We were married on September 15, 2001. The longer we were married, the more I doubted that I was truly saved. It bothered me that Chris really enjoyed all the "Christian stuff." He read his Bible all the time, prayed all the time, and really, genuinely walked with God. I didn't have any of that, and didn't want any of that. It was enough for me that I knew the facts of the Bible front to back, that I went to church all the time, and that I was a good person. I became very angry at him for spending so much time doing things that I didn't want to do. When I was at church I would always try to slip out during the invitation because I hated the feelings that I would get. The pastor would ask if anyone needed to be saved and I would stand there gripping my hands together to keep from raising them all the while saying to myself, "You were saved when you were four, you don't need to do it again." And so many times I would hear the words, "I don't want to end this invitation, we will sing one more verse because I feel there is one person here who needs to come forward to be saved." And I would think to myself, "I know that it is me, but I can't do it." The longer I was around my husband, the more certain I became that I was not saved. But I never told him or anyone else for fear of what they might think of me. I started to think up as many excuses as possible to miss church, and always left the room when Chris spent time with God.

In May of 2002 we attended Camp Meeting at Fellowship Baptist Church and heard Terry Unruh preach about Sri Lanka, and how he needed help passing out ten and a half million tracts. We volunteered to go. I was very excited because I was finally going to get the missionary adventure I had always wanted. Meanwhile I reassured myself all the time that I had to be saved because of all the times God had answered my prayers and done things for me, and because my mom said that I prayed when I was four. I pretty much convinced myself that I was okay. In fact, I even looked for proofs of salvation. When I would lead someone to the Lord I would get all excited and then say, "I must be saved because I am happy when someone else gets saved," not realizing that I was just happy because I was being a 'good Christian.'

On Sunday night, March 3, 2003 at church I went forward during the invitation. I told God that I was tired of the way I had been feeling and that He needed to leave me alone. I then said that I didn't know for sure what it was He wanted but the answer was definitely NO. On the way home I was terrified, and told Chris that I had to get home so I would be safe because I was afraid that God was going to kill me. I actually thought I would be safe in my own house! Chris asked me why, and I told him what I had been going through. We talked for a very long time most of which was me giving excuses such as how I didn't want to be one of the hypocrites I grew up around, I was afraid that I was going be forced to be just like my parents (that's a story all in itself), God had been so good to me, I had led people to the Lord, I had had prayers answered, and my mom said I had prayed when I was four. Of course his answers were that none of those were good reasons to go to hell, but still I resisted. Then he asked if Jesus was in my heart. I had no idea how to answer that question. So he asked me if we were married, and of course, I said we were. Then he asked if I had to think back to our wedding day, which I hadn't; I knew right then. The last question he asked was if Jesus was in my heart right then. I answered that I didn't know, and started to cry. I knew then what I needed to do but I was still scared to do it so I asked to pray after him. He started out with "Dear Jesus, this is Becky, I know I'm saved," and I couldn't say it, I just cried more. Then he said "Dear Jesus, this is Becky, I'm not sure if I'm saved," and I couldn't even say that. Finally he said "Dear Jesus, this is Becky, I'm not saved," and I felt this intense inner struggle. I knew that I had to say those words. I prayed with him, and then sent him out and prayed again by myself because I wanted to know for sure that it was the real thing.

Just a few weeks later we went to Sri Lanka. It was a life-changing experience for me. Missions became more than adventure; it was giving other people a chance to be saved just like I was. I was baptized a few weeks after our trip at Bethel Baptist Church in Ravenna.

God gave me the verse Romans 2:4 about a month after I was saved, showing me that all of the things I thought were proofs of salvation were the things that He did to lead me to salvation! Praise God for His goodness that leads to repentance!

Adendum:

What's interesting in all this is since then Becky has died! I no longer live, but Christ! And also I've changed so much as a person.... Becky really no longer exists! I'm Rebecca or Becca now. And it's so funny as I look back over all my fears... all the excuses that I had... none of them were real. And as I think about that time I remember how intense that struggle was. How real Satan was as he whispered in my ear trying to keep me from making the most important choice of my life. And Jesus is HERE! With me! I know that He is here... and I haven't doubted for one moment since that day. I can't describe it to you... but once you have Him, you KNOW! And I've learned that Jesus doesn't desire cookie cutters. He made each of us the way we are; unique, individual, with a purpose! His purpose! Only I can do what He wants of me. That verse in Scripture about the unsaved being Spiritually blind is so true... because on the other side it becomes so clear. And you just marvel at what God has done! I know I do.

"You are a marvelous God and I am so in love with you!"