Jesus Life Coach

Little thing I wrote for school that I ended up not using. Wasn't exactly what the assignment called for, so I re-wrote it with a different life application. Thought this was worth saving though. :)

There was a time that I saw Jesus as coming to steal away the individuality of those who called upon his name. Every dream I ever had as a child was squelched because I thought that in order to be a Christian, I had to ‘fit the mold’ that every other Christian in my church was striving to fit into with the ultimate goal being full-time ministry as if that were the end-all-be-all place of the Christian life. I always loved the verse in Scripture that says, “Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart” (Psalm 37:4), because secretly, deep inside me, I hoped that if I tried hard enough to please him he would make me happy with some of my hopes and dreams—but this was always explained away as meaning Christ’s desires.
Then one day I actually met Jesus. He transformed my life, my way of thinking, my everything. Slowly, bit-by-bit, he awakened my heart to the realization that the dreams inside of me were gifts from him! He had created me with a purpose and a plan, and the week-in, week-out performance of religion was not going to replace that for me. With Jesus as my Coach my life has become, as Jones (2004) says, “a dance of possibilities far more than the march of sorrows we have come to associate with religion” (p. 169). No longer do I look to a religious consensus to see where my story will go, I look within me to the amazing passions Jesus has placed there. He has given me the desires of my heart.

Reference
Jones, Laurie B. (2004) Jesus life coach. New York, NY. MLB Books

Blurb of the day :)

As the deer pants for water so my soul longs for you, Jesus! I am thankful that, unlike the Psalmist, Jesus is within me, and my thirst is quenched at every waking moment! I need not seek the living waters, the living waters abide within me!

Marriage thoughts from last night. :)

The law is a minister of death! Marriage feels like 'a ball and chain' to so many people, and I don't think that is what God meant at all. The same freedom we have in Christ should be found in our marriages! Sadly, people get so caught up in towing the lines of submission, and holiness that they miss the whole point of marriage - to mirror the relationship with Jesus.
____________________________________________________________________________________________

I think there is a difference between being lonely and desiring human companionship and finding complete and utter fulfillment in another human being. I've been there... Finding my utter fulfillment in my boyfriend, fiancee and then eventually my husband... It doesn't work out so well! At the same time, I am completely ... See Moreunable to 'keep Jesus first!' It is completely natural for a person to wholy love another person, and not be able to keep God in that first place. We can't do it! It's IMPOSSIBLE!

Only when I surrendered my all to Christ did all that fall into place... and you know what's funny? I didn't realize when it happened. LOL I just realized one day that Jesus filled up all of my heart so much I couldn't stand it! And it wasn't like, the whole "I love Jesus first, and then I have a little room left over for my husband, then a little bit for my kids..." It was that in loving Christ with my whole heart, I had MORE room for everyone else! I actually loved my husband more and found MORE fulfillment in him. And MORE enjoyment sexually, etc. :) There is nothing wrong with that. God created us as sexual, companionable beings!

The truth about prosperity

April 4, 2008

In continuation of the study I started earlier, I thought I would pick up on a controversial term in Christianity: prosperity. There are those who say that God promises us prosperity in everything we do from spiritual blessings to physical and financial well-being… In fact they believe this so strongly that some of them feel that if something goes wrong in your life you must either not be saved or be fallen into some major sin. There are those who believe that God has nothing to do with the day to day little things in our lives, as he is so focused on what is truly important – the souls of man… ’and did God ever promise that the Christian life would be perfect? And besides, all those who live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution." And then there are those who choose a middle ground and say that God does wish to prosper his children in all things, and in fact does, but we live in a sin-cursed world where ’LIFE HAPPENS!’ as well as trials, temptations, and let’s face it, persecution. SO as a result sometimes it seems that we are not very prospered.

So who is right? It all sounds so good. They all say they have Scripture to back it up. But do they? That’s what I’m going to find out.

Prosperity Defined:

Merriam Webster’s says prosperity is "the condition of being successful or thriving; especially : economic well-being"

Just out of curiosity I also checked the 1828 Noah Webster’s American Dictionary of The English Language (which I love!) and it says "Advance or gain in anything good or desirable; successful progress in any business or enterprise; success; attainment of the object desired;"

Strongs: (I will number these so that you know which Scripture reference is which Greek word, but I haven’t necessarily used all the forms)

1.) H2896

áBè

tÖoòb

tobe

From H2895; good (as an adjective) in the widest sense; used likewise as a
noun, both in the masculine and the feminine, the singular and the plural (good, a
good or good thing, a good man or woman; the good, goods or good things, good
men or women), also as an adverb (well):—beautiful, best, better, bountiful,
cheerful, at ease, X fair (word), (be in) favour, fine, glad, good (deed, -lier, liest, -
ly, -ness, -s), graciously, joyful, kindly, kindness, liketh (best), loving, merry, X
most, pleasant, + pleaseth, pleasure, precious, prosperity, ready, sweet, wealth,
welfare, (be) well ([-favoured]).

2.) H7961

åìÅLÜ åéìÅLÜ äåˆìÅLÔ

shaòleòv shaòleòyv sh^eleòvaòh

shaw-lave’, shaw-lave’, shel-ay-vaw’

From H7951; tranquil; (in a bad sense) careless; abstractly security:—(being)
at ease, peaceable, (in) prosper (-ity), quiet (-ness), wealthy.

3.) H7965

íBìLÜ íGLÜ

shaòloòm shaòloòm

shaw-lome’, shaw-lome’

From H7999; safe, that is, (figuratively) well, happy, friendly; also
(abstractly) welfare, that is, health, prosperity, peace:— X do, familiar, X fare,
favour, + friend, X greet, (good) health, (X perfect, such as be at) peace (-able, -
ably), prosper (-ity, -ous), rest, safe (-ly), salute, welfare, (X all is, be) well, X
wholly.

4.) H6743

çìÇöÈ ç—ìÅöÈ

tsaòlach tsaòleòach

tsaw-lakh’, tsaw-lay’-akh

A primitive root; to push forward, in various senses (literally or figuratively,
transitively or intransitively):—break out, come (mightily), go over, be good, be
meet, be profitable, (cause to, effect, make to, send) prosper (-ity, -ous, -ously).

5.) H7962

äåˆìÀLÛ

shalvaòh

shal-vaw’

From H7951; security (genuine or false):—abundance, peace (-ably),
prosperity, quietness.

6.) H7919

ìëÇNÜ

sñaòkal

saw-kal’

A primitive root; to be (causeatively make or act) circumspect and hence
intelligent:—consider, expert, instruct, prosper, (deal) prudent (-ly), (give) skill (-
ful), have good success, teach, (have, make to) understand (-ing), wisdom, (be,
behave self, consider, make) wise (-ly), guide wittingly.

Prosperity in the Bible:

There are 17 total references to prosperity and 49 (in 48 verses) to prosper, not all of them having to do with this study. Several talk about how prosperity can make you lazy or how it can be the downfall of the wicked which we should keep in mind! If we are prospered as Christians there are many side issues that can arise in that (i.e. jealously, covetousness, selfishness, lust, pride, idolatry, etc) if we do not remember who it is that prospered us and remain utterly surrendered to Him! And that includes spiritual blessings… I’ve met (and been one of them before) many puffed up Christians who are so proud in their spiritual gifts, talents and blessings that they forget that it’s not all about them, it’s all about Jesus!

Job 36:11 If they obey and serve [him], they shall spend their days in prosperity (1), and their years in pleasures. (side note… one of my favorite verses in Job is in this chapter! Verse 7)

So, we see that obedience is a prerequisite to prosperity. That seems to ring true with what we know of New Testament Principles. Not that we are under the law, but we show that we love him if we keep his commandments; and as John says, "his commandments are not grievous…. And this is the commandment, That we should believe on the name of his Son Jesus Christ, and love one another, as he gave us commandment." (I John 5:3b, I John 3:23)If we keep his commandments it gives us confidence that he WILL hear our prayers and give us whatever we ask. (I John 3:21-22, 5:14-15)

Psalm 35:27 Let them shout for joy, and be glad, that favour my righteous cause: yea, let them say continually, Let the LORD be magnified, which hath pleasure in the prosperity (3) of his servant.

I still marvel at this verse no matter how many times I read it. Jehovah God, The Eternal One, The Almighty really does care about me. This doesn’t just say he cares about his children plural, it’s singular: His servant. And he doesn’t just care about me, he actually takes pleasure in me. Wow. That in itself would be amazing and utterly mind-blowing! But it doesn’t stop there either. He has pleasure in my prosperity - My individual everyday life, My ups and my downs, my successes and my failures – He is watching. And what really makes him happy through and through is my prosperity! I can’t fathom that. Every time something good happens to me my Heavenly Father rejoices. Doesn’t that just sound like what a daddy would do? Dad’s love to hear when their children are doing well for themselves.

Psalm 118:25 Save now, I beseech thee, O LORD: O LORD, I beseech thee, send now prosperity (4).

Ok… I’ve been here numerous times. Do you ever feel guilty for asking the Lord to bless you? I do. It’s been put in me over and over again that God will bless as he wills, and we should just be thankful for what we have… but if that is true, then what is He our Father? Why do we pray? I’d be so hurt if my kids never came to me for anything… if they just assumed that I would get them what they needed all the time and never asked for anything from me personally. Sure, God knows everything, but He loves to hear from us. It’s called a relationship! In fact there’s a great Biblical example of someone who prayed for blessing and got it…. Jabez! He asked for a blessing. He prayed to enlarge his territory. Did he need that? No. But God did it simply because there was a man with the faith and the relationship with God to ask. He ended up with a city named after him later on! Must have been pretty influential as a result of what God gave him. Nehemiah also asked for God’s prosperity (Neh. 1:11) specifically with help for a task that would eventually further God’s kingdom.

Gen.39:3 And his master saw that the LORD [was] with him, and that the LORD made all that he did to prosper (4) in his hand.

39:23 The keeper of the prison looked not to any thing [that was] under his hand; because the LORD was with him, and [that] which he did, the LORD made [it] to prosper (4).

Joseph was made successful in all he did because of his right attitude with the Lord despite his circumstances. Here is a man that at surface glance appears to be quite unprosperous, and yet God prospers all that he does to the point of promoting him to grand vizier of Egypt and allowing him to take care of his family when they are in need. This is a key lesson, I believe, in becoming a prosperous Christian person. God, Satan, people and life will bring things about that seem insurmountable, to some unthinkable that a Christian would ever have to endure it, but it is all a test. Our Father is watching us to see how we react, who we turn to when we need help, who we rely on for strength, what attitude we have during that trial. Those things will make a huge impact on the outcome. Will you come out as Job did with two times as much as he started out with? Or like Joseph? Most of us (me included) get so focused on the trial and so mad at God and circumstances that we miss the blessing and prosperity that he delights to give us if we would only bow our head in surrender to him and ask for him to get us through.

On the same note:

Lamentations 3:17 And thou hast removed my soul far off from peace: I forgat prosperity (1).

That’s exactly what Jeremiah was feeling right about now. Hello God! Where are you! Did prosperity ever exist? In Jeremiah’s case, the prosperity of Israel had been taken away because of sin. As we mentioned before, obedience brings prosperity, and we find here that sin can stop it. As for Jeremiah, he’s just the poor prophet of God that got mixed up in the middle of it, and he’s taking the brunt of it. It doesn’t seem fair. But then he goes on to say that, "It is of the LORD’S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him. The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him. It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD." Wow! Here it is. The attitude difference. That is the attitude that we should have during a trial, know that was we wait on Him and obey Him salvation will come! Blessing and prosperity will return. (And so many people take that ’It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed" and make it their motto… for shame! It doesn’t stop there!!!)

More verses on Obedience resulting in Prosperity:

Deut. 29:9 Keep therefore the words of this covenant, and do them, that ye may prosper in all that ye do.

Joshua 1:7 Only be thou strong and very courageous, that thou mayest observe to do according to all the law, which Moses my servant commanded thee: turn not from it [to] the right hand or [to] the left, that thou mayest prosper whithersoever thou goest.

I Kings 2:3 And keep the charge of the LORD thy God, to walk in his ways, to keep his statutes, and his commandments, and his judgments, and his testimonies, as it is written in the law of Moses, that thou mayest prosper in all that thou doest, and whithersoever thou turnest thyself:

I Chronicles 22:13 Then shalt thou prosper, if thou takest heed to fulfil the statutes and judgments which the LORD charged Moses with concerning Israel: be strong, and of good courage; dread not, nor be dismayed.

2 Chronicles 24:30 And the Spirit of God came upon Zechariah the son of Jehoiada the priest, which stood above the people, and said unto them, Thus saith God, Why transgress ye the commandments of the LORD, that ye cannot prosper? because ye have forsaken the LORD, he hath also forsaken you.

Other good examples:

2 Chronicles 26:5 And he sought God in the days of Zechariah, who had understanding in the visions of God: and as long as he sought the LORD, God made him to prosper.

Interesting… as long as he sought God. Those who seek Him will find Him. Those who ask will get. He sought and was prospered. Once again, it’s all relationship folks!

Psalm 1:3 And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.

The context here is the righteous (which is all saved people because we have the righteousness of God imputed to us), and it’s saying that our prosperity will flourish like a tree. This would by natural deduction in thinking spiritually reference bearing fruit as a Christian, growing as a Christian, and the outflow of ministry in our daily life… but it does say whatsoever he doeth shall prosper so that is not limited to our ministry.

3 John 1:2 Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.

Prosper as your soul prospers. And what could prosper more than a soul saved by the blood of Jesus? That’s what John wished for Christians everywhere – a life as prosperous as salvation itself.

(G2137

åšïäüù

euodooô

yoo-od-o’-o

From a compound of G2095 and G3598; to help on the road, that is,
(passively) succeed in reaching; figuratively to succeed in business
affairs:—(have a) prosper (-ous journey).

Closing:

I’ll let you all draw your own conclusions about what you think prosperity is or isn’t, but as for me, I believe that God desires to prosper me and does so all the time. I know that as for me I am often times too blinded by the circumstances of life to even realize where he has prospered me! God brings trials/tribulations into my life to help me grow so that he can bless me more. My obedience and willingness to surrender to him is crucial to the end result of receiving that blessing! A life of harmonious, conversational relationship with God brings about prosperity and blessing that could take on numerous forms. God does not promise specific blessings, such as health, wealth, or happiness, to always abide on me, but he does enjoy to lavish those things upon me, especially when I ask Him. My Father loves it when I ask him for things that I need and desire! And I know, yes I have confidence, that as long as I walk in him I have the petitions I ask of Him. He cares for me, for his eye is on the sparrow and he has numbered every hair on my head. He loves me! And He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things? (Rom. 8:32)

Fullness of Joy, Abundant Life, and All the Desires of Your Heart

January 3, 2008

Are any of those words true of the Christian life? Be honest with yourself. Are they? Look around at other Christians you know, look at yourself. Is that what you see? Most likely not. Very few would describe their life in this manner, and yet promises such as these are found all over His Word.

Ps. 16:11 Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence [is] fulness of joy; at thy right hand [there are] pleasures for evermore.

John 10:10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have [it] more abundantly.

Ps. 37:4 Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

Ps. 21:2 Thou hast given him his heart's desire, and hast not withholden the request of his lips. Selah.

I could go on and on with verses that express the Lord's delight in His children's happiness, joy, prosperity, fulfillment, and pleasure, not just in Spiritual ways but in all kinds of ways, and yet we live our lives in utter defeat... even spiritually. Why? Some have one or more of these blessings from God and do not even recognize them as from Him. Some of us do find God's blessings on our lives financially, but we stop there. Some of us find them relationally and we think that is all He has for us. And still others find His health and mental well-being and are satisfied to stop there. And a few have found vast spiritual blessings and bask in the love and warmth of His presence on a daily basis and are content. But there are a few that read his word and find that He truly wants to open up the window of heaven and 'bless our socks off' so to speak, if we would just ask him. We look at them in scorn and say, 'it's not possible! God can't be your Father, God, Healer, Protector, Provider, Strength, Joy, Source of Life, Desire, Supplier, Sustainer, and so much more all at the same time! He can only be one thing at a time, right? He is only one thing to one person, right? Ok, maybe two..."

God is all things to all men. He is everything to me, and He is everything to you. The things that I have are from Him and the things that you have are from Him... and that person that has everything has it all from Him because

James 1:17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.

So what is keeping us from having all that God promises us that we can have? (and I don't mean let's all just be selfish and be little brats going "Daddy! Daddy! Give me! Give me!) It's faith!

Hebrews 11:6 For without faith it's impossible to please Him.

Matt. 9:29 According to your faith be it unto you.

Matt. 17:20 And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.

And what else is often keeping us from these things? The lack of a surrendered life. We wander around going why doesn't God bless me... and we haven't yet died to self, we haven't yet invited Him to live His resurrected life through us (I don't mean salvation folks, I mean Christianity! The Christian Life!). Some of those promises hinge on something - sometimes we need to delight in Him a little bit, give Him a little praise, give Him control over our lives and we'd be amazed at the thing that would come to pass.

But not all... some of them are just God the Abba Father jumping for joy for a chance to bestow gifts upon his children such as Rom. 8:32 He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely giveus all things? and Ps. 81:10 I [am] the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt: open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.

I will end with this beautiful verse from Jeremiah.

Jer. 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

Do we really believe this, or do we think that God wants us to live our lives like miserable, depressed, sickly and defeated people? I for one am tired of feeling defeated and depressed, miserable and sickly. I want a Victorious Christian Life! I want an abundant life full of joy where the desires of my heart actually come to pass and aren't ground to dust before my eyes. This is a life that God can offer us if we will only have faith in who he is and surrender to His control.

*I am in no way saying that the Christian life is all peaches and cream, but I am saying that we tend to say the sentence I just said as an excuse for the life of defeat that we have so miserably embraced. There is a balance. Hardship and trials come to make us stronger, to bring us to surrender, to bring us to the cross, etc. There are reasons for these things... but God wants to bless His children more than anything! What makes God happier? A stubborn child who he has to send trials to break down, or a yielded child who He can bless? Also, think of Job... God allowed Satan to bring things upon him (SATAN) so that God could get the glory... so yes bad things also happen for that purpose... but then what did GOD do? Blessed Job above and beyond what he started with! The nature of God is to bless. Please don't dismiss the blessings of God away because you are afraid of becoming too unbalanced in blessings! Can anyone be too blessed? LOL

Adendum: These are words that I have heard little of until recent years... I struggle with this very much, hence the writing about it today. I've been questioning God on this topic for over a month now, but I can't deny that it's in the Scripture. It is truth. He wants to bless me and give me life more abundant here on earth, not just in Heaven or in New Jerusalem (whichever comes first for me! Even so come quickly Lord Jesus!) I will be posting a few more blogs on this topic as well, I think. More word study. I looked up the word abundant, and was amazed at what I saw. I think I will do that next. This is something that Christianity is missing, and that I am missing. He needs to be my Joy, Life and Desires in a way I never dreamed and I know it's possible, I just have to get it from my head to my heart. So if you want to, join me on my journey!

Lift Him Higher and Higher

Nov 21, 2007
I just want to take this moment to praise Jesus a little bit. I don't think we do that often enough in our daily living. Lift Him higher and higher! For He is not only our Saviour, Redeemer and Friend, but He is the Great I Am, the very God and Creator of the Universe! Alelluia! Praise His name! Get excited for Jesus Christ a little bit today!! Love him out loud!

Laying down my pride..... Again!!!

Nov 16, 2007

So I'm going along lately feeling like everything is out of control... again... Let me start with a short little thing about me: They say that what you doodle on paper tells a lot about you, and from the time I was a young teenager until about three years ago I always drew spirals all over everything (along with hearts and stars and smiley faces). The heart stood for love, stars for my dreams and the smiley for my bubbly personality, but I never knew why I drew the spirals. And I drew them like crazy. One day Chris told me that it's common for people who feel like they aren't in control of their life to draw those, or something like that... I thought it was an interesting hypothesis, but didn't really think any more about it. So then a few years later I realized one day that I no longer drew them and connected the dots to figure out that it was because my life was leveling out. I wasn't feeling so crazy... I was more in control.

Said all that to say this: Here I am about a year after I decided that I wasn't the one that was supposed to be in control of my life. I realized it was supposed to be Jesus that was in charge... things were going OK until the last few months. Things have been happening that are so insanely out of my hands... things that I don't like. Things that scare me. Things that sometimes make me worried, scared, angry. People I can't change, circumstances that are beyond my control, a life that I'm living that isn't what I would have chosen, a dream that I have that I feel is from God that seems unattainable because of other things that He has put in my life right now. I'm feeling like that straight line that had become my life is twisting up into another curly que and I don't know how to stop it. I'm having irrational thoughts again, insomnia, headaches, panic attacks, ect. I even made myself vomit the other day....
So what's up? I gave it all to God, and He's supposed to fix it all right? It's not supposed to be like this... why is my life this intense struggle of taking a spiral curl and trying to flatten it out with a straightening iron? About the time I get a good section done the humidity comes out and frizzes it.
It's not supposed to be like this is it? This feeling of being out of place... feeling like I'm living the wrong life...
So here I am on one of the worst days of my life, knowing that it is just going to get worse... and dreading the rest of it with that ache in the pit of my stomach... surfing the internet to try and forget for a few minutes when I stumble upon (literally! Stumble Upon the firefox add on) this music search engine where you can create your own playlist for myspace. Phenomenal idea! So I put on my headphones (kids are napping, don't want to disturb them) and start thinking of all my favorite artists and notice a bit of a theme in many of my favorite songs.... surrender to Jesus, living in grace, etc. The life that I chose to live. "Yea, God, I know... that's me! Surrendered to you!" I say to Him and continue on with my searching until I type in Jeremy Camp (LOVE HIM!) and click on the song Lay Down My Pride.

BAM! Jesus hits me over the head with it and I'm crying and playing the song over and over again (listening it to it right now!) with only one thought in my head: what a stubborn idiot I am, and will I ever get it? and I should lay down on the floor at his feet right now right here in front of the computer desk. (OK that was three thoughts, but I'm shaking right now with conviction so don't expect me to be completely rational!) Here I am 'living the surrendered life' and at the same time worrying about 'living the surrendered life' I've been taking it all back from Him again. The spiral is spiraling because I'm letting it. I'm taking the flattening iron back from Jesus' hands. He's the one who straightened out my life to this point... all I can do is mess it up. He's throwing all these things at me to see how I handle it; to see if I can still let Him keep the reigns through it all. Apparently I've been failing miserably. Jesus, you know Rebecca... It's all about me. And when I see something that's not working, or out of place I take it personally... I have to fix it and make it work. It's a reflection on me if it doesn't. But that's not true... it's a reflection on YOU. You bring things into my life and you are the one who is supposed to fix them or not through me. My life should be a reflection of you not me. My pride is meaningless and only gets in the way of what you are able to accomplish in my life. And you did so much in leaving heaven and going in the cross so that you could live through me.... and when I don't let you I'm slapping you in the face. I'm rejecting the precious gift that you offer. I am crucified in you because you were crucified and because you offered your life to me. I can say not I but Christ because of what you did. How can I walk away from that most beautiful and precious sacrifice? It is nothing for me to give myself to you in return, to lay my life down for you... and yet "I" keep getting in the way. OH!! what must you do to drill it into my head that "I" do not exist anymore... it's just YOU.
Well here I am now again giving me to you again. Take my life in whatever direction you need to take it.

Lay Down My Pride
Jeremy Camp

Every single word I say
You know it before I speak
You know every thought
The deepest part of me

You draw me close and then I see
Your presence is every thing I need to be
The child that you've created me to be
Ready now to see it your way

CHORUS
Lay down my pride
My desires my demise
Ready now to see it your way
'cause I'm done I'm through ignoring you now it's true
I'm kneeling at the cross of your grace
Lay down my pride

I was faced with passing time
But I knew the choice was mine
To finally come to you
And give you all control
I've wandered miles to find my way
And then you revealed this simple thing
I know that you can see the secrets of my soul

CHORUS
Lay down my pride
My desires my demise
Ready now to see it your way
'cause I'm done I'm through ignoring you now it's true
I'm kneeling at the cross of your grace
Lay down my pride
(repeat)

The cross the blood you shed for me
Your back was ripped and bruised
So I can know your love
I kneel I bow to you my king

CHORUS
Lay down my pride
My desires my demise
Ready now to see it your way
'cause I'm done I'm through ignoring you now it's true
I'm kneeling at the cross of your grace
Lay down my pride
(repeat)

Inablility

September 10, 2007
From time to time in my life I am overwhelmed with the sense of how small I really am. How weak I really am. How unworthy I really am. This is one of those times. In fact it is so great of a feeling that even looking at "I" makes me feel like more than I deserve. It would be more appropriate to change that big "I" to a small "i" as truly that is where i belong. Faced with what God may have in store for my future i cannot imagine why He would even think of me. i can't even begin to describe how i feel about that. To think that He would want me to serve Him in any capacity puts me in awe... and then reminds me of how truly unable i am to do any of it! Simply put: i can't do it. i am not able to serve Him. i am not capable of being His chosen vessel in any area of life. i'm just a girl, just a mother, just a wife... why does He look at me? So many times i mess up in my day to day life and cry out to Him to fix it... beg Him to live my day through me to prevent anymore crazy mistakes. He knows i can't do anything. He knows i've barely started my journey with Him. But OH! How i love Him! My eyes fill with tears thinking of all He is to me... all He's done for me. He's more than i ever dreamed. More than i ever could possibly hope for. More than i deserve. And He chose me! And here He is again whispering to me that He has a plan for my life... i can't deny it. Whether in the immediate future, or a few years from now, He wants to use me! He wants to use this vessel! i can't say i am not excited at the thought, but i'm terrified as well; for the truth is, without Him, i'm nothing at all.
Once again i'm at that altar of God emptied out of all i am... all my failures, all my mistakes. Wait. Even my accomplishments and my talents must be placed at His feet for in my hands they become tainted with my pride and selfishness. All that i am.

Here they are Lord. Here i am. All i need is you! Fill me with Yourself. For it is only then that i can be used of you. A vessel to honour. No treasure of myself, all the treasure is You. Maybe that's why You chose me...? A yielded heart, a humble spirit? i do not know Lord, but your will be done!

When it all seems to happen at once......

August 21, 2007

So life is kinda just going along... everything's OK... good even! And then bang! It happens. Something goes wrong. It may not be a big thing, it may not be a terrible thing. But it happens. And you are thinking, "Man, that was bad luck, but God's in control, so it's all good." And you go on with your life like nothing occurred until it happens again. Only this time it's something a little worse... a bit harder to ignore. You shrug your shoulders and say, "life's like that." and move on as though everything's OK, while under the surface you are wondering what is going on. But of course you can handle this and everything will be back to normal soon. And then BAM it hits you and you are practically surrounded with problems that are beyond your control and you feel like you are sinking deeper and deeper. "What happened to that fabulous high I was on just days ago? If only I could go back in time..." Because of course on this side of things everything that happened before looks like a mountaintop experience! And you struggle to gain control of the situation but find other things taking control of you: depression, frustration, hopelessness, anger. And it really doesn't matter if this is the pettiest group of problems you have ever faced or the most difficult because at this moment they loom over you like Mt. Everest and all you can think of is that you are going to be smashed beneath their weight at any moment. Funny, because when that first little thing went wrong at the beginning your first response was to give it to God, but now He's the farthest thing from your mind as you struggle to escape. At this point absolutely everything that happens is an irritation to you no matter what it is. Someone comes along and mentions to you that God can help you with what you are going through and you tell them, "Of course I know He can!" While you think to yourself that you still have enough strength left to figure everything out and "How dare they think that I need God as if I'm not a good Christian?" Things begin to spiral from here as that Mt. Everest pile of problems start to crumble and at this point you may even begin to blame God, because let's face it, you are running out of people to blame. And then there is Jesus, unbeknownst to you, patiently waiting for the word of faith so that He can step in and take control. Waiting for you to look up to Him and say, "I can't do this anymore. I need you to do it through me. Take all this anger and frustration and depression and fill me with your joy in the midst of tribulation. Let me take these trials as from you."

And they are from Him, for He brings those things into our lives to bring us to the end of ourselves, to put us at the point of total dependency on Christ. He does this so that we will live a life completely surrendered to His will, whether it leads to things that we enjoy or things that we do not. Sound familiar? It should, for this is the life of the cross. Jesus said, "Not my will but thine be done" as he went to the cross and "He who knew no sin became sin for us that we might be made the righteousness of God." This was not an easy thing for Christ to do. He stepped aside from all the majesty and glory of heaven for this purpose. But in that he was surrendered to total dependency on the Father He endured the trials and tribulations of the flesh even to the cross! He was our example. Wow. How He loved us! And now we are crucified with Him. So we should live like it. Surrender to Him. When everything hits the fan, instead of freaking out, turn to Him. That's what He desires.

But sadly, most Christians are stuck at the bottom of Mt. Everest. They are terrified of what it means to give that mountain to Christ, and so they never do. What does it mean? If we have faith as small as a mustard seed it will remove mountains. So yes, it absolutely can remove our problems, but it's not just a magic potion. There is more to it than that. It means giving of self. Giving of everything! And that is what we all fear most. We love ourselves and our stuff more than we love a life free of the trial that we are going through. And so we are stubborn and fight through our troubles on our own. But it will never work. You know what Christ does with self? He makes it better! Really, He does! So take the leap of faith. Cry out "Save Me!! I can't do it Father! I need you to live through me Jesus! I am helpless, hopeless and worthless! Here I am, take all that I am and fix it!" And that is a prayer he will hear.

But what if you are where I am right now... you've done that. You've surrendered to him. And now, here you are maybe months, years later and everything seems to be hitting the fan again. And maybe you are responding in the same way. Don't beat yourself up over the head! We all make mistakes. (Yep... that's me!) Jesus sends those things into our lives to keep us on our toes, to test our level of surrender, to give us a chance to grow spiritually. It's a test! But luckily it's not a pass or fail thing. If we do well we get to advance in our relationship with him a bit (you get to say "Yea! I'm really yielded to the Spirit right now!") And if we panic we learn that there is something in our lives that we are holding on to that we need to hand over to Jesus. (and we say "Man, I can't believe I was doing that, I better take care of that right away!,) So either way we advance in our Spiritual walk!

BTW... don't hold onto those things that you need to hand over to Jesus for a long time. Cuz it's really a strain on your relationship. When you sit down to talk there's always something that your're trying to avoid like a white elephant in the room and truly it grieves Him. It fills the room with an atmosphere of sadness. It even affects ability to worship. Stubbornness is not a good quality in any relationship, especially with Jesus (Rebecca!!!!)

So... curious about what's happening right now in my life? I have ovarian cysts that are popping and hurt like crazy, these painful cysts have moved to my breasts, my insurance runs out the end of this month and my husband doesn't have benefits at his job, my best friend has lung cancer, Chris ran his $200 cell phone through the washing machine and we did not have insurance on it and now we have to replace it, we got a flat tire today, oh... and all four tires on the car need replaced. And yep... you guessed it, I panicked a bit. Hence this blog reminding myself of Christ's place in everything!

My surrender testimony

written Aug. 8, 2007

I have not yet posted my testimony on this blog, which I really should do, but to give quick background, I grew up in a Christian home, but have only been saved four years. And that Christian home was extremely legalistic Baptist. And even though they believed in the Holy Spirit, He was someone spoken about in hushed tones... "he doesn't like to be spoken of, we don't make much of Him, we make much of Jesus" So the Spirit was quite foreign to me as an unsaved person especially, but even doctrinally.

After being saved for about a year the "joy" of being saved started wearing of to the normalcy of everday life and I began living off of the past knowledge of God that I had from Christian school and church... God began working on me to give my life to Him fully so that I could "grow up" in Him. I ignored Him... mostly because I was so afraid that surrendering to Him would mean ending up a nut-case legalist, and partially because I thought once he had me he would reject me. Over the course of the next year I had the worst pregnancy that my doctor had ever heard of (also a story all in itself... I could start a whole thread on terrible pregnancies....) I knew the whole time that if I would just surrender to God that He would heal me. ChrisJ (my husband) kept talking to me about surrender, and I would just say... No hun, I can still do this on my own. I was so stubborn. Apparently God just keeps turning up the pressure when His children ignore Him. I had all that time in the hospital to read my Bible, pray and seek His face, but I just turned up the TV louder and called more friends... and more pregnancy problems developed. And I said I can still do this on my own... It's not too tough to handle. I'm OK. I pretended total peace when people from church came over and they told me what a great testimony I was (OH! how guilty I was!!!!) God blessed me with a healthy baby, but still I went on... then the post-partum depression kicked in (not helped by all the spiritual battles I'm sure) and soon after my gallbladder started going crazy. My Pastor offered to lay hands on me to heal me during this time (and during the pregnancy), but I said no because I knew the requirement... it was surrender. I couldn't do it. Instead I had my gallbladder removed. After the surgery I finally started to get the picture. Things weren't going to get better. God was trying to get my attention and He wasn't going to stop until He succeeded.

I picked up the book Grace Land by Steve McVey (which God had been telling me to read all these long months) and it changed my life....

Now I was seeking Him. One evening as I nursed my baby all alone I felt a presence in the room. I knew it was Jesus. And I looked up and could "see" where He was in the room (not physically but there was almost a glow there) I mentally asked what He wanted and He said He just wanted to talk to me. Now I know that people don't think that Jesus speaks to us audibly, and to this day I'm not sure if He did or not... but I can almost swear that He did... I started to cry that He would want to talk to me but began to tell him about my struggles with surrendering to His control in my life. I explained to Him how I felt that I was in the middle of the Jordan River struggling to swim across knowing that I could never go back to Egypt (sin... unsaved) or the wilderness (legalism) but not knowing how to cross into the freedom and liberty that he offered on the other side in the Promised land. I told him that I was afraid.
Then He showed me a picture of how it should be... I should stand at the bank of the Jordan and ask Him to carry me over on dry land and He would carry me. I would have to part in it. I repeated this back to Him in words. And He didn't respond. He just agreed with me in harmony. I don't know when He left after that, all I know is that I continued to talk to Him for a while and then I began crying so hard I couldn't talk and looked up and He was gone.

After that I determined I would surrender to Him, because He actually cared for me that much.

One night only a week or two later as Chris and I said our nightly prayers I couldn't stop praying. I began to weep. I told God that I knew what I needed to do, but I didn't know how. So being a very visual person I began to show God in pictures what I wanted to do.

I stood in the holy of holies in heaven at the mercy seat and set my hands on the altar, then my mouth, etc. as the old hymn says

And here is where the Holy Spirit took over as God spoke to me... He said "that isn't enough, I need all of you"

So I mentally crawled up on the altar

He then replied "Who did the placement upon the altar?"

I said "I did"

He said "that is not surrender"

And then the Spirit showed me what surrender was.... the image of the crucifixion... I am crucified with Christ. Reckon that I am dead...

Weeping I stretched out upon the floor and the hardest thing I ever did was lay my arms apart from my body... for I cannot drive the final nail myself, I cannot crucify myself... In Christ I am crucified... even my strength to surrender was of Him. And I gave Him all that night. And then kneeling at my couch I begged the Spirit of God that had shown me that picture to fill me with Himself.

I don't know what anyone else thinks about that night, but I know that I've been different that night. I like what George Mueller called His surrender "2nd conversion" That's what it felt like... Only better... I had a greater peace, a greater joy, a greater love, a greater freedom, a greater liberty, a greater KNOWING of my Saviour, a greater giving heart, a greater zeal for God, a heart to share...

Ask Chris J... I am so in love with my Jesus... my God... I am weeping right now writing this. It's all about Jesus. I can't even stand myself sometimes I'm so in awe of Him. He fills me so full that I don't know what to do.

Not saying that I'm not human, that I don't mes up, that I don't get down, etc... cuz I do... but there's this knew presence, and I don't mean like knowing that you are saved kinda presence. I mean like HOLY COW! JESUS is IN THIS PLACE right now! I can reach out and touch HIM!! He is so HERE that I can almost see Him. At least... I know where He is in the room, He's right there beside me, smiling at me. And His Spirit is all around the two of us like a welcoming embrace... And God the Father up in Heaven is just rejoicing over it all!

Do I sound crazy? So be it... It's a wonderful kind of crazy


2 Cor. 7:11 'yea, what vehement desire, yea, what zeal'

Surrender and Spirit-filled go very much together, in my experience.

No Greater Desire

April 25, 2007

I am finding so much joy in reading "The Pursuit of God" by A.W. Tozer! I recommend this book highly! It speaks of a journey that I have already discovered myself from other authors, but in a language that is so beautiful... wow! And I have found quite a few nuggets that have broadened my understanding of my wonderful God and this life of Christianity. I would like to put a few excerpts from the book in this blog.

Preface

"The Bible is not an end in itself, but a means to bring men to an intimate and satisfying knowledge of God, that they may enter into Him, that they may delight in His Presence, may taste and know that inner sweetness of the very God Himself in the core and center of their hearts."

Chapter 3 Removing the Veil

"Frederick Faber['s love] for the Person of Christ was so intene that it threatened to consume him. It burned within him as a sweet ad holy madness and flowed from his lips like molten gold. In one of his sermons he says,

Wherever we turn in the church of God, there is Jesus. He is the beginning, middle and end of everything to us.... There is nothing good, nothing holy, nothing beautiful, nothing joyous which He is not to His servants. No one need to be poor, because, if he chooses, he can have Jesus for his own property and possession. No one need be downcast, for Jesus is the joy of heaven, and it is His joy to enter into sorrowful hearts. We can exaggerate about many things; but we can never exaggerate our obligation to Jesus or the compassionate abundance of the love of Jesus to us. All our lives long we might talk of Jesus, and yet we should never come to an end of the sweet things that might be said of Him. Eternity will not be long enough to learn all He is, or to praise Him for all He has done, but then, that matters not; for we shall be always with Him, and we desire nothing more."

"God is so vastly wonderful, so utterly and completely delightful that He can, without anything other than Himself, meet and overflow the deepest demands of our total nature, mysterious and deep as that nature is. Such worship ... can never come from a mere doctrinal knowledge of God. Hearts that are "fit to break" with love for the Godhead are those who have been in the Presence and have looked with opened eye upon the majesty of Deity."

"We hear the Bridegroom say, "Let me see thy countenance, let me hear thy voice; for sweet is thy voice, and thy countenance is comely" (Song of Solomon 2:14)"

Chapter 4 Apprehending God

"Always a living Person is present, speaking, pleading, loving, working and manifesting Himself whenever and wherever His people have the receptivity necessary to receive the manifestation."

"...God will become to us the great All, and His presence the glory and wonder of our lives."

I am currently reading chapter 6 and just enjoying myself immensely. If I quoted everything I'd be on here all day!

Suffice it to say that there is no greater joy or desire in life than pursuing God with your whole heart. And He is VERY NEAR! He DESIRES communion and relationship with us. Draw nigh to God and he will draw nigh to you. He's just waiting for us to show Him that we want Him in our lives. He is most desirable! Most lovely! Most wonderful!

Love HIM! KNOW Him!

Worship

April 13, 2007
Worship... The central focus of the Christian life... (Not to be confused with love being the central docrine although the two flow hand in hand in unity.) But do we truly worship? I remember the days of standing in church singing the words to all the hymns by heart, but was my heart involved? Who was I really singing for? Why was I singing? Where were my thoughts? I can honestly say that I know none of those answers had anything to do with our Saviour. And what about the remainder of the week? I read my Bible, I prayed... because it was required of me. Was there any thought to the maker of the universe... the Redeemer of my soul? No. This was not worship, this was going through the motions of Christianity. Worship Him in spirit and in truth. I did neither. How many of us live our lives this way? And then one day I realized just how much Christ really had done for me. I realized that he offered more for me than the bondage of routine and requirements. He wanted to give me freedom and liberty and joy in Him! No, He already had given those things to me, I was just living as if He hadn't. I realized that all He wanted was for me to surrender my life to His control so that I could enjoy my life to it's fullest! Abundant life! He really did have my best interests in mind. THEN I began to understand worship, for I was beginning to KNOW the One I was to be worshiping. He is everything to me... my very existence. He deserves all the praise, all the glory and all the honour. He alone is worthy of the all the passion our hearts can pour out in our most exuberant moments. It belongs to Him. Not just on Sunday... but on everyday of the week! I can't stop myself anymore... nope... just can't. I love to praise my Saviour Jesus Christ! It takes a darkest day and turns it to brightest joy. It takes the worst of circumstances and gives the peace to get through them... for worship is communion with Christ Himself... He actually talks back! And through that our soul is restored to fullness of joy and peace and love so that we are walking in Christ, abiding in Christ as the New Testament shows. The most blessed of moments are in your alone times with Christ when you are worshipping Him freely and He communes with you so that He just reaches out and touches you... When His presence in the room is so strong that you can't deny His reality, His almost tangibility. That is worship. That is communion. I pray that you all grow to a point in your lives where you can say that you have experienced such a time and that you experience it regularly.

Grace of God

March 15, 2007
Grace.... what a word! Everything about my Jesus can be found in that word somehow. It is the beginning of our faith, it is how we live our lives, and it is what allows us entrance into heaven. Grace! And so many Christians talk about it only as it applies to salvation... or only as it applies to getting them through a hard time in their lives. My goodness. Without grace we don't even have the faith to be Christians. Without grace we would live the Christian lives in utter failure. Without grace it would be a mindless existence. Without grace I could say with Paul that we would be of men most miserable, for salvation without grace?? Impossible. For it was the grace of God that even looked at despicable little me. Having a surrendered victorious Christian life full of joy and purpose without grace? Impossible, for only Christ Himself can live the Christian life and it is the grace of God that allows Him to live in us daily so that we can surrender to Him. Without grace there is no liberty in Christ in our daily lives... hence boredom. "Fitting the mold" Christianity. Could God allow individuality without grace? No. Grace allows us to be who we are before Him. To have our differences as long as we embrace the same truth. Eternity in heaven without the matchless grace of God? Just as impossible... for it was God's marvelous grace flowing from His justice that accepted the sacrifice of Christ's blood on the mercy seat of heaven that even allows Him to look at us much less to sit in Christ on His right hand for all eternity. Grace... Have you really thought about what life would be like without it? I'd rather not, for one moment of one day without grace would be an eternity to me. His grace and His love are so closely tied together with His mercy... (because really without any of those things we'd pretty much lose it all too) We are just so blessed beyond belief! I don't think we thank Him enough!

Lift Him Higher

February 16, 2007

I just can't stop thinking about the sermon last Sunday... Jesus starts out in Matthew Mark Luke and John proclaiming himself as I Am (the vine, the good shephard, the bread of life, the way the truth and the life) and then as we grow in Christ and get to the book of Colossians we get the opportunity to lift Him up as He is: I Am! I AM!! And He lives in me! And we are as united as we can be without me becoming him.... and him becoming me... I am flesh of his flesh as the bride becomes one with the groom and as the branch is joined to the vine. How blessed am I to be able to praise him and lift him higher... He is holy, Almighty, Worthy, Beloved, Beautiful... My heart overflows with joy and emotion as I think of the things he has done in my life. Can we not be glad for that? Rejoice!! Sing in the streets! Oh! He has done great things in my life, has he done great things in yours?? Do you not want to shout it to the rooftops? I am accepted in the beloved, should I not tell everyone of this love that is offered to me freely? So I cried as it was preached "Lift him up" and a good friend shouted "I Am! I Am!!" For my hearts desire was only to do just that... and that every one else would do so as well... every tongue confess that He is Lord.

I could just go on........ Literally but it would be so broken and disjointed because we have left simple blogging and entered into the realm of my prayer life so I will leave you all to ponder and I will continue praising God alone. Until next time, LIFT HIM HIGHER AND HIGHER AND HIGHER! He can't be praised enough, for our mouths can't even phrase his glory.

The Love of Jesus

April 2, 2009

Romans 8:31-39 The Message

So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If
God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our
condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is
there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who
would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who
would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was
raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment
sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a
wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not
trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not
bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in
Scripture:

They kill us in cold blood because they hate you.
We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.

None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that
nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow,
high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get
between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has
embraced us.

Being in a dry place

Passion! Fire! Excitement! Joy! Oh, what splendors at the master's feet! How thrilling to be soaking up new and wondrous things every time you turn around! Abandoned in worship, fulfilled in love, steeped in desire for your Saviour, every day is a brand new chance to fall in love deeper and know him more fully. There are constantly chances to pour out on others around you, to minister Christ!

Let it never end!

Sigh.

Then it does.

Does it have to? Should it? Is there something wrong with me? What's going on? Why did this happen? When did it change? When will it be like it was again? Is there sin in my life? Did Jesus leave me? Did I leave him? On and on the questions come to mind, the frustration, the hurt, the longing to go back...

So here I am once again in this dry desert place...

And I'm asking these questions once again...

And the answer comes to me! I have new things to learn that I've never learned before. Things I've never needed to know before. I have learned of the marvelous grace of Jesus, I have learned to bask in his precious love. I have learned to minister to others in worship in such a way that they are drawn to have what I have. I have learned to walk in such joy that even in sorrow and depression there is a song in my heart... a melody of praise to Jesus! I have been in a place where these truths were easy to obtain, where others were there to help spark my excitement. I have had little need of getting alone with God and searching for his face as he was so quickly revealed to me at any moment; so accessible like the very fingers on my hands.

Now we have moved away from my wonderful church family... away from that atmosphere where the Spirit so easily spoke with me. Away from the people I loved so dearly that I begged to know God better in order to lead them closer to Him...

Here I am just another person in the pew. Here I sit alone, no ministry of my own, and insignificant number among thousands. Here I look around at the faces of people who do not know how to worship, who do not know God... and I am saddened. Saddened because they cannot help lead me into that place of abandon to Jesus, and saddened because I cannot help them either. I'm hearing the same old same old stuff that I already know, no new tidbits to ponder, no deep truths to excite me. (ok, not entirely true... there have been some cool things, just not weekly like it used to be) I seem to have forgotten some of the things that were so real to me just months ago... something is lost, missing... but what?

And God whispers to me... 'learn to walk in the Spirit on your own... you won't always have others around you to encourage you in the Lord. You won't always have a ministry to plug into that causes you to desire me more. Sometimes you must bury yourself in my word, search for me with all your heart, yield yourself to a new chapter in our relationship... there is more to be had than you realize!'

Alone. Me and Jesus. Jesus and me. Alone together. No one else. A love that gets better with time, grows deeper the more that I know him. So it feels dry and dusty right now... doesn't mean I can't go into my own worship session at home. Doesn't mean I can't dig deeper into the word to learn something new. The truths of my Saviour can never be exhausted!! I was in a wonderful, passionate and intimate love relationship with him, and now I have entered a time of deepening friendship, of greater knowing of who he is. And from personal experience with my marriage, that can only lead to deeper passion and desire! If deeper friendship with my earthly husband leads to better romance, how much more getting to know my heavenly betrothed!! He is nothing but perfection!

So, this is not a cruel punishment from God, he's still with me like always! In fact in many ways it's the best thing to happen for me! What an opportunity to get to know Jesus better! It's time for me to realize that everything I need is right here inside of me right now in the form of the Spirit of God and that even if church gets utterly boring there is no boredom in Him! Even if I have no friends or family near by to talk about what Jesus is doing, I can talk to Him at any moment. He will never leave me or forsake me! Never never!! And even if there is no church ministry outlet for my overflowing cup, there is still the whole world!

Say What?!?!?!?!

It was literally out of nowhere. I was just minding my own business sitting on the couch at prayer meeting snuggling with baby Megs. I didn't bring my Bible because I knew I'd be holding the baby, and wouldn't want to have something else to keep track of. I came expecting Jesus to do something amazing, but this was not what I had in mind.

As the Bible study portion of the evening began, one of the gentlemen there began passing out Bibles to those who needed one. Did I look like I needed one sitting there with my arms wrapped tightly around my little one? I guess I did, because next thing I know he handed me one.

I stared at it for a moment and then figured I might as well use it, so as not to offend. "Turn with me if you would like to Matthew 9:35," Terry said. Okay, I suppose I will. This being healing prayer, I was not surprised at the verse choice.

"And Jesus went throughout all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom and healing every disease and every affliction." (ESV)

That was Jesus alright! He was a regular healing ministry. Would have been fantastic to see that! Would have been amazing to experience that! Wow!

And that should have been it. Terry continued on with his notes, but for some reason my eyes lingered in Matthew 9...

After reading/hearing a passage of Scripture a thousand times plus, you would think I'd have 100% understanding of it; that there would be nothing left for the Holy Spirit to reveal to me. Right? WRONG!
Apparently the Spirit still has things to teach me... who would have thought??

Let's look at 9:35 again, but pay attention to the verses that follow (context!)

³⁵ And Jesus went throughout all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom and healing every disease and every affliction. ³⁶ When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. ³⁷ Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; ³⁸therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest." (ESV)

What's this? Here we have one of the most well used verses of the great commission. Missionary after missionary has preached on needing laborers in the field. There's even the song that I have heard sung so many times, "My house is full, but my field is empty... who will go and work in my field." Jesus had compassion on this world of people lost, and on their way to hell. Jesus' only prayer request was for soul winners - missionaries. Get 'em saved, teach 'em and baptize 'em... end of story.

Ummm... not really! Context!!! He's not just talking about the state of their souls, he's also talking about healing their physical and emotional being! He has just spent all of chapter 8 and all of chapter 9 healing everyone with sickness and disease, and cleansing all of those who were possessed of demons. Now he looks out and sees these multitudes of sick, oppressed people and says, "If only I had more people to heal them all!" Wow! Now, I'm not saying that his only goal was physical and emotional healing, for that would be heresy. "For the Son of man is come to seek and to save that which was lost." Luke 19:10 (KJV) But what I am saying is that the kingdom that Jesus preached was soo much more than I ever realized!

Not sure you agree with me? Let's keep reading. Chapter 10 of Matthew starts out with Jesus giving authority to the 12 apostles to do what?

"And he called to him his twelve disciples and gave them authority over unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to heal every disease and every affliction." (ESV)

And then the commission:

"proclaim as you go, saying, 'The kingdom of heaven is at hand.' ⁸ Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse lepers, cast out demons." (ESV)

I have heard people say that this giving of authority to the apostles was a one time thing, having nothing to do with us. It was after all meant for 'the lost sheep of the house of Israel' (10:6 ESV) and not the Gentiles. If so, then we have no business pulling the harvest verse out and applying it to Matthew 28:18-20, and Jesus' only prayer request has nothing to do with us!!! OOPS!

This could not be more wrong! In Luke 10:1-17 Jesus then sends out 70 with the same authority and the same message. One could still think that this kingdom message was only to the Jews, except for Matthew 24:14

"And this gospel of the kingdom will be proclaimed throughout the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come." (ESV)

What gospel? The gospel that Jesus preached! What kingdom? Well, it's been called the Kingdom of God and the Kingdom of Heaven, but it's one and the same... It's Jesus' kingdom! It's Jesus' gospel! It's not just the death, burial and resurrection of Christ, although that is indeed the pure gospel (I Cor 15:1-4), it's also the miracle power of God giving us authority over sicknesses and disease. Sound kooky to you? What does the great commission verse of Matthew 28 say?

"ALL POWER IS GIVEN UNTO ME," therefore, go and teach and preach the gospel.

What good is the gospel of Christ without the power of the Holy Spirit? We are mere men. We can preach the gospel until we are blue in the face, but without that power and authority there will be no change in the hearts of men. Period. It would be better if angels came and preached, or if Jesus himself had remained on earth after the resurrection and continued his kingdom ministry.

And what exactly did Jesus give us power and authority for? Healing, raising the dead and casting out demons. Hmmm... Makes you think, doesn't it?

"And these signs shall follow them that believe" Mark 16:17 (KJV)

Eyebrow Waxing

Terrifyingly bushy eyebrows - this is a recurring problem for me. I am terrible at brow maintenance. I hate it. I despise it. I would rather be stung by a bee than pluck/wax my eyebrows. (not that I enjoy being stung, for I do not... however I rarely get stung anyway, unless I step on one... I'm one of those bee charmer people... oh, sorry that's another story) There is something about that feeling as I stare into the mirror and rip out my own hair that just turns my stomach miserably! First tears well up in my eyes, then there is a slight twinge in my stomach followed by a mild churning. Before long I am so sick I have to lie down for a while. I am quite unable to finish both brows in one sitting, and often times I can't even finish one. Forget tweezing strays every day or so. It just doesn't happen. So most of the time I go simply ages between brow care.
Want to know the strange part though? I enjoy having someone else do my brows for me! I actually find it quite relaxing! I lie back in the chair, rest my head on the towel, and for a few moments someone else does a chore that I dread! And it doesn't make me the slightest bit queasy! In fact, I look forward to getting them done! It's the craziest thing! Waxing or tweezing? Not a problem if another person is in charge. I should just schedule regular appointments and avoid the bushy monster eyes altogether!
So what does this have to do with my desire to grow in Christ? Must everything have a spiritual application? Can't I just write about my quirky eyebrow issues?
Okay, you know me too well! Yes, there is a point to all of this! How many times do I have that something in my life that has to be done on a regular basis... and I dread it. In fact, I dread it so much it makes me nauseated. My stomach starts to hurt, I need to lie down for awhile. I put it off for weeks and weeks because I don't want to even think about how miserable it makes me... But why? Why do I suffer for so long when all I have to do is phone up Jesus and give it over to him? It's silly. I know I'm no good at it, I know it will make me stressed and crazy, and still I try it on my own. I know that if I let him take care of everything that everything will go seamlessly while I lie back and rest in his arms. It's soo foolish to think that maybe I should give it a go one more time... perhaps this time it will be okay... It never fails that I just end up frustrated and ready to quit. If only my first thought was, "I know this guy who's like absolutely amazing at doing this! He never fails to get it right. He never makes me feel uneasy, and never hurts me. In fact, he's soo gentle with me that I could fall asleep while he works! It's sooo relaxing going to see him... just like a day at the spa! I leave feeling like a new woman! He always does a fantastic job!"
So instead of me trying to do my daily spiritual maintenance... I need to let Jesus take care of it all! He's the best there is in the biz!

Not MIA... Just BUSY!

This has been a very full month, as the month of August usually is. I've been running around way more than I'm used to. I really need to get set up for mobile blogger!

The biggest most fantastic thing that happened this month was our baptism service on Sunday the 17th proved that God truly does exceedingly and abundantly above all that we ask or think! We had prayed for 20 to get baptized, and as of Sunday morning we only knew of 6 or 7. We baptized after church at my Aunt Sandy's swimming pool, and ended up with 26! WOW! They just kept coming! And mind you this are people who have been saved within the last 6 months all the way up to that very Sunday morning! There were very few dry eyes that afternoon. God is good. People are not only getting saved, but they are growing in the Lord!

As for something that has personally touched me, it would have to be when my Uncle Tim asked me to make the unleavened bread for communion this past Sunday. Wow. What a privilege. I got to be a part of a tradition that goes all the way back to that first Passover in Egypt when Moses and the children of Israel huddled behind the bloodstained door posts. Not only did I remember Christ as I took the bread and the cup, but I remembered him as I mixed the bread and baked the bread. It was an amazing experience. To think that something so simple as flour and water symbolizes the Saviour... for thousands of years woman mixed, rolled out, baked and handed to the head of the household this simple fare, barely realizing the significance. Yes, they were spared in Egypt. Yes, the sin was swept from their homes. But there was so much more to be found in that bread. A sinless one would come. One who would take away our sins. One who would be broken and save us all from the death angel for more than one evening. He would save us for eternity.

I've been looking at the waves for too long...

It's funny just how quickly I can spiral to the lowest of lows in mood. God can be so good to me one day, and I can be so thankful... then I feel kinda lost and alone again wondering just where God is. Why is it that some days he just seems more real, more good, more present, more ALIVE... and then other days he seems distant and uncaring, almost as if he's playing a game of hide and seek with me. Is he playing games?

Obviously God is still here, as he promised to never leave, certainly Jesus is still abiding in me, and of course I still have the Holy Spirit just as always. So what is different from one day to the next?

I am reminded of Peter as he bravely, trustingly stepped out of the boat into the raging stormy sea, eyes only on Jesus. Wow. What a peak in this man's walk with Christ! He was not only witnessing a miracle, but actually taking part in it! But something happened. Peter began to sink. What was going on? Had Jesus disappeared? Had Jesus lost his power? Had Jesus decided to let him step out, only to let him die? I'm sure many things went through Peter's mind at the time. I'd have been wondering what in the world I was doing stepping out of the boat in the first place! How foolish! But Jesus hadn't changed. Peter had changed. He went from being full of faith to full of fear. He looked about him and began to focus on the 'real' situation: he had stepped out of the safety of the boat and was in the middle of the giant waves of a storm! Of course, we know that he cried out to Jesus and Jesus rescued him, but what really happened here? Peter focused on the wrong reality. The big 'R' reality for Peter was that Jesus told him he could step out. Jesus was all that was keeping him up, and all that mattered was faith.

This is me all over! God has this absolutely amazing Reality for me. It's beyond my wildest dreams. All I have to do to obtain that Reality is focus on him. Keep my eyes on the Master of the storm. But what do I do? I look all around me. I worry. I panic. I get frustrated. I get angry. I become afraid. I pretty much freak out! It would be so easy for me to just live there all the time. It's like second nature for me. Then starts the nasty spiral of depression and anxiety. Of course, I excuse it away because I'm just being realistic. There's a bunch of bad stuff going on in my life, and nobody is going to fix it but me. I have to deal with it. I have to figure it out.

This is a vicious cycle! I can't fix it. I can't figure it out. These are circumstances that God has allowed to surround me as I walk toward him. Who has the power to stop the storm? Me? Or Christ? It's kinda like he's testing me to see where I'm going to look at. I think I fail more than I succeed. But then Christ reaches out for me. He never lets me drown. I sure think I'm going to, but he doesn't let it happen. He calms the storm, even if only for a few moments, and reminds me who is in control. He tells me that it's going to be alright. He catches me in his sweet gaze and says that I am blessed, loved, protected, everything that I need to hear. In those moments I feel as if my heart would burst into a thousand pieces. How can I ever look away from him again? This one who loves me like that deserves far better than what I give him.