Spiritual Disorders Part 2

Ever been mountain climbing? Well, I haven't, but I've watched those national geographic shows about it. Imagine you are climbing Mt. Everest. You are making amazingly fast time and are set to make a world record for length of time to reach the peak. After scaling sheer cliffs, crossing vast glaciers, surviving avalanches and terrible weather, you reach a small boulder. "AAAAHH!" you shriek. "A boulder! I can't get over that boulder! I need to quit right now!! Time to turn back team. This obstacle is just too much for me. I'm done. I will never reach the top." That would be so silly, wouldn't it? I laugh to myself as I imaging the whole team descending the mountain over a rock when they had overcome much greater obstacles that that before. And yet....
How many times in my walk with Christ have I been scaling the heights in Him... flying high! I knew I was victorious, I knew things were going to be okay. The trial may have been enormous, but in Christ I was more than a conqueror! And then a small hurdle was placed in my way... "OH NO! God has forgotten me! How could he do that? We were doing so well... the end was in sight, and now this? How could he do this to me?" And in that instance like Peter the waves become greater than faith in the Saviour.
I call this Spiritual Attention Deficit Disorder. Satan LOVES to use this one. He realizes that our faith is strong, and he can't stop us by using that huge thing he places in our path; so he places tiny nuisances along the way. It's kinda like the straw that broke the camels back! Oh, how we get soooo focused on the little things! "I'm getting the victory! Oh... look! there's a puddle in my way!" And suddenly that 'puddle' becomes the most important thing in the world to you... until the next little thing, and the next little thing. And suddenly we melt in a pile of anxiety and worry and depression because we are completely unable to stay focused on what the battle really is about!
My most recent SADD moment (Lol! sadd!) began last week. I have terribly weak ankles due to bad bone structure. Every time I gain weight from a pregnancy they get worse. After having Meagan in July, they reached a pain level I have never experienced before. I felt like I was walking on tooth picks. SCARY! I worried that I would drop Baby Megs at any moment. On top of all this, my insurance ran out. Both ankles needed surgery, and that's a total of 6 months recovery time. Impossible with 3 kids and a husband working, besides the fact that there is no way we could ever afford it. Our new church has healing prayer on Thursday nights, and I got to thinking that it wouldn't hurt anything to ask God to heal them.... why not? So I went (Aug 24). I was prayed over. God brought to light some things I needed to deal with in order to receive healing, and the elders prayed for that too. (another story!) I left that service on cloud 9! My ankles still hurt, but I KNEW God was doing something. Friday and Saturday were amazing days. My faith was soo strong. I was going about my day with so much joy that I hardly even noticed my ankle pain. Then Sunday came... that afternoon we were going to the mall, but the boys wanted to go to the park. Everybody changed plans on me. I was ticked. I grudgingly went along with them, but I wasn't going to like it! They played for a while, and I persuaded Chris to take us to the mall... only to remember that they close early on Sundays. Now I was ANGRY! The only thing I wanted to do that day and I didn't get to. I was so focused on this little thing that I remembered how bad my ankle pain was. I started to doubt what God was doing in my life, and I let my attitude show it. I realized what was going on that evening and renewed my faith in our evening devotional time.
So... now I'm on track, right? Not for long... I had a repeat of this on Tuesday because I had a long wait at an appointment. (It sure doesn't take much for me to lose focus on Jesus! lol) That was easily overcome with a trip to the mall, a Starbucks caramel frappuccino, iced lemon pound cake, and an apology to God and my husband (who I had hung up on several times that morning in frustration!), but it could have been avoided.
Backing up a bit, I have had a cold for the last three weeks or so... nothing too bad, just irritating. I woke up at around 2 o'clock in the morning Thursday (Oct. 1) and that cold had changed to bronchitis. YUCK! I knew the only way to beat it was antibiotics, but I no longer had insurance. I moped all day. My ankles killed me, I was depressed, I was upset. If God couldn't keep me well, how could he heal my ankles? I heard this voice in my head saying that the bronchitis was an obstacle Satan was throwing at me to try to steal my faith, but I ignored it. I made a choice NOT to go to prayer meeting that night. I was just going to go to bed and take care of myself since God couldn't.
Long story short, I ended up at prayer meeting.... and they prayed for me again. As one of the elders prayed for my ankles he looked up at me and said, "God wants you to know that this bronchitis is an attack of Satan trying to sidetrack you from what God is doing in you." WOW! funny... I guess I should have listened to that voice earlier in the day! They prayed for the bronchitis to leave me, and I left that meeting with my joy restored! The awesome thing in this is Friday morning I woke up and the bronchitis was GONE! I can breathe normally again! I have some residual coughing and runny nose, but it's all loose. I've never gotten better from bronchitis without meds! And that quickly?! God is good!
So, what in the world is wrong with me? God is faithful! Christ himself lives in me, and it should be soooo easy to focus on him 100% of the time! Shouldn't it? Why do all these little obstacles so quickly steal my undivided attention?
I am reminded of my conversation with Jessica the other day.... It's gaps in my conscious. My heart and head KNOW who I am in Christ, that my faith comes from Christ, that my victory comes from Christ, that all that I am comes from Christ... but sometimes my mind plays tricks on me. There are these little places in my mind that still have that old programming. Those little 'gaps' think that my faith is from me, that victory is up to me, and that I have to figure things out for myself. WRONGO! But those are the places Satan most likes to attack! He knows my weaknesses. All he has to do is figure out those areas and throw something in my path, and BAM! I forget the way of grace and walk in disgrace! As I said yesterday in Part 1, the only way to fix this is renewing my mind in the Word, reminding myself of my spiritual REALITY, and claiming authority over Satan. He has no business messing with a child of God! And I will be able to quench all his fiery darts in Jesus Christ as I immerse myself in his Word.
:) Here's to victory over Spiritual ADD!!!

Spiritual Disorders, Part 1

The other day I was talking to Jessica and said that I should change my facebook status to 'spiritually bipolar.' I was joking, of course... and yet... Why is it that I can have this super duper amazing spiritual high and then the very next day, or sometimes even hours later, I can be down in the spiritual dregs, moping and griping about God? It's crazy. It's insane! It's Spiritual Bipolar Disorder!
What exactly is Spiritual Bipolar Disorder? Well, it's kinda like this... I am saved by grace! I have a new nature! My old yucky grouchy self is dead, and a new Jesus self has been placed in me. I am righteous before God, and as such have victory all the time! But I live in the world... I have memories and habits of that wretched person that I used to be. I still sometimes view God through the lenses of my past. The problem? That me I remember no longer exists. I know that God isn't the big scary guy waiting to punish me and laugh at me every time I screw up. But sometimes my physical reality doesn't seem to mesh with my BIG 'R' spiritual REALITY. So, sometimes I am WAY up because I am focused on exactly how awesome and spectacular Jesus is and how amazing and spectacular I am as a result of what he has done in me, but sometimes I drop my eyes down here and listen to that little voice that says I'm scum, abundant life is a giant scam, there will never be victory over the trials, there are WAY TOO MANY trials, and I will never amount to anything spiritually.
That nasty little voice in my head is a LIAR! Jesus doesn't think those thoughts about my life; his thoughts are good thoughts! His thoughts are leading me to a beautiful place! His thoughts are making me into the image of himself! No, these thoughts are the whispers of Satan, who would have me to forget who I am in Christ and remember who I was before salvation. He wants me to FAIL. He can't take my salvation, but he can steal my joy, my victory, and do his darndest to steal my identity.
That's where the spiritual bipolar comes in... there are days when I am so confident in my identity in Christ that nothing can stop me!!! I am flying high in Christ and everyone's going to hear about it! Then there are days when it seems to me that I hit the ground with a giant thud like Wile Coyote and I will never find my way out of the hole that I've made for myself. Instead of jumping up and brushing off the dust, laughing at Satan's attempts and taking off again, I linger on my seeming failure. I get sad. I get grumpy. I get angry. I blame God. I have a giant pity party. I whine to everyone I can think of. WRONG MOVE! In Christ I cannot fall, I cannot fail! In Christ all is well! As the song writer said, It is well with my soul! There is 100% victory in Christ Jesus! There is no reason for this spiritual bipolar disorder to control my life! I am FREE!
What then is the cure for this? Well, first off I must submerge myself in the truths of WHO I AM! Who I REALLY am!
I am a daughter of the King! I am blameless, beautiful and spotless in the eyes of God... Full of HIS righteousness! I am bought with a price far greater than any price ever paid, as I am viewed as the most precious of jewels by my Saviour! I have been chosen to be the bride of the very Son of God, and He delights in me with joy and singing! I am loved, cherished, and treasured by my Jesus! ♥
Going hand in hand with this first step is renewing my mind in the Word. Day by day as I fill myself up with God-thoughts I will gradually find that my old life is forgotten - erased from my mind - those old habits have faded away. Finally I must exercise my authority over Satan and tell him to get out!!! Tell him his lies have no power here! Nothing that he whispers to me can EVER change what Christ has done in me! No fake physical reality that he flashes before my eyes can change what I am and where I am! I am seated in heavenly places in Christ Jesus, and nothing or nobody can pull me down! It's done! Finished!
Will I ever be 100% free of spiritual bipolar disorder? In Christ, I believe it will happen one day!!! Maybe I will never see it on earth, but the day that Christ comes to take me home I will be transformed in an instant to that body that has absolutely NO traces of memories, habits and crud that have been picked up on this earth! I will spend eternity basking in Jesus and who he has made me to be!