elbow room - My focus today is to leave room for God to be who He is. Nothing is as it seems and I trust him.
My spiritual journey: moments of clarity, ponderings, and vast irritations
Friday, July 13, 2012
My desire ~ What I want
What do I want? I desire to be that person who is embraced and ravished by the sun rather than irritated by it's scorching presence. I want to be the one who stretches out her arms and invites the gentle rain to saturate her entire being rather than muttering course words as each water droplet leaves it's mark. Storms? What are they but an accompaniment to my heart's pounding soliloquy? Wind is but the blowing of my soul pulling me to the next destination in my journey. "No grievance with the day" would be the motto here. Yes, even wintry blizzards in their harsh extremes would stir the upward motion of my lips into the greatest of delighted looks. Do I mean Content? Is that enough? Merely content? Not I! To content, add thankful, grateful, happy, blessed! And seeking still beyond for life abundant, life so free. Freedom to laugh in the face of fate whatever that might be simply for enjoyment and pleasure. Yes, That is what I desire. To taste everything, and to share it. To share it with all who do not know how. To the one who cowers from the sun, to the one who shrinks from the rain, to the one who fears the storm and shivers in the blizzards, to YOU, I wish to share my freedom and joy and gratefulness in life. This I desire. Passion... yes, passion too. Passion for HIM, for the reason for my existence. And I share his passion, to set captives free. Freedom is my passion. Freedom above all else. It is for these freed ones who do not know they are free that I am so emblazoned. Yes! Galatians 5:1 is my cry and I feel it deeply. I see the chains as if they were real, I hear the clinking. The yoke of bondage of which Paul speaks has a hold of so many, so many. And it is then that I allow myself to grieve. It is then that I weep. I, the one who is content, thankful, happy, blessed, free, who is ever longing to be at utter abandon at my Lover's feet and not concerned with the doubts and worries of life, WEEP. It is then that I realize that I my path is not one of flippant disregard of all things.. it is a path of deepest regard. There are those who may not think so (Even I, myself, have not thought so!), but I care more deeply than most. I love more deeply. I share His heart. For in enjoying creation I have developed a love for it. A love for his people. Freedom brings with it a price, a price of being willing to lay down one's life to give it to others. Ahhh, that word... surrender... it again finds me. And here I am with the striking awareness that my future will not be exactly as I thought. It will not be exactly as others thought. It will not necessarily be easy, and it will not always be pretty. It will be my hearts desire, it will be my passion, and that is what matters above all. It will be following that inner voice whom I love more dearly than anything in the world, and He is above all voices. And I am fairly sure that it will be the hardest thing I've ever done. Yes. I will be my own worst enemy in this. And I can already number my enemies before I begin. I am scared. But I can count my supporters. And I know what I desire. I know who I desire to be. And I know WHOM I desire. What else matters? When it comes down to it, I have a choice and I can choose anything. I AM FREE! But which choice will bring me closer to the woman I wish to see in the mirror at the end of the day? Ahh, this is the question. And so I am excited. An adventure awaits. How it will be accomplished, I do not know. It is a journey and I will be swept along in this chapter just as the last!