Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it.

I Thessalonians 5:4 Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it.

This is the verse that is echoing in my head this morning after yesterday's... I don't know what you call that... annointing?

Long story short, Rich Nathan preached a great message on women's roles in the church and basically flung the door open for women to do any area of ministry including Sr. Pastor. Which is pretty much what I have believed for a while after doing some research on it several years back. Anyway, at the end he asked for women who had a call to ministry on their lives to come forward for prayer.

I looked at Chris and said, "Yeah.. I do... but..." And he said, "You'd better go then!"

Remember those verses I had from a while back?

I Timothy 1:12 And I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who hath enabled me, for that he counted me faithful, putting me into the ministry;

what ministry I asked him?
And some time later he says,

Colossians 4:17 And say to Archippus, Take heed to the ministry which thou hast received in the Lord, that thou fulfil it.

And I had the distinct feeling that God was calling me "Archippus" whatever that meant.

So, I found out that Archippus's name meant "master of the horse" and that he was an elder at Philemon's house church. Didn't make much sense to me because there was no way I could be an elder.

Anyway.. I've shoved all that aside for sometime now, but yesterday Pastor Nathan prayed down the Holy Spirit annointing on me and a lady prayed over me too with laying on of hands that I would be free from my past mindset about gender roles so that God could reveal to me the ministry he has for me. Wow.

So I'm looking further into Archippus, and I found out that he was likely the first bishop of Laodicea in Phrygia (Turkey), but at the time of Paul's writing he was a pastor or co-pastor of the church in Colosse.

Also, this is a guy whose heart is with Paul. Only two men were called Paul's fellow soldiers, Epaphroditis and Archippus. This word in Greek means "an associate in labours and conflicts for the cause of Christ"

Not a lot else known about this guy, but God found him important enough to mention twice in Scripture. Once to let us know that he was an upstanding guy and the other time to let us know that he had an important ministry call on his life.

And this is who God says I am... Hmmm...

My S.H.A.P.E. Summary for Heritage Christian Church

I've done spiritual gifts tests before, but thought I'd post my most recent results:



S.H.A.P.E. stands for Spiritual, Heart, Abilities, Personality and Experiences...



Spiritual:

my number one gift is Knowlege (scored 14)

I had a three way tie for my second gift : faith, leadership, and administration (scored 13)

I had a three way tie for my third gift as well: pastor, missionary, hospitality (scored 12)



(The reason I put the ties in instead of choosing three is because of how highly I scored in these areas 15 is the highest possible score)



Heart:

My top three things I love to do from the list I had to choose from are organize, influence and perform.



Abilities:

My top three abilities are musical/compositional skills, people skills, and my memory



Personality:

I am an ENFP which is something that I have blogged about before if you would like more details on that



Experiences:



Family - What did you learn growing up in your family? I learned Bible facts, docrine etc., I learned legalism (which I've been freed from!), I learned music, I learned to love reading and writing



Educational - What were your favorite subjects in school? Everything! Sciences, history, music, literature, creative writing, algebra.... pretty much all of it.


Vocational - What jobs have you been most effective in and enjoyed most? sales, small business


Spiritual - What have been your most meaningful times with God? When I've been searching for freedom and grace and he showed himself to me and taught me the things that I just could not figure out for myself.



Ministry - How have you served God in the past? Childrens ministry, music leader, teen leader/mentor, worship team, worship band, solos, piano, keyboard, hospitality ministry, small group, welcome team, leadership team, drama team, pastor advice board, janitorial, short term missions trip, deputation for full time missions, and pretty much anything you can think of... lol



Painful - What problems, hurts, thorns and trials have you learned from? how hard it is to escape legalism, suicide and depression, being outcast from family and the 'accepted' religious circles



As far as where I think the Lord wants me to serve, I know that I am going to be using my music in someway to help free people from the bondage of religion and show them the wonders of a true grace walk relationship with Christ. I am pursuing psychology as well to help me as I deal with all the intricacies of the mind/spirit connection.

Trapped or Free

Today I have a job interview. I am excited. I can almost taste what it is like to be back in the work place again! After 4 1/2 years of being home with children, I am headed back out into the world of 40 hours a week and Friday is payday. (I'm not dead set on 40 hours though... I'll probably start at 30 and see how it goes? We'll see) This is not really what I had planned at this stage in my life, as I was going to wait until both of my children were in school, but our financial situation demands it. Strange. I should feel forced into working, or angry... I should feel trapped. Why am I not feeling this emotion? For years I was trapped by being home all the time, when what I really wanted to do was work... yet for the love of my children, I stayed home. At the same time, I never wanted to work because I had too, and anytime it was brought up I felt forced into the situation... again trapped. I think for the first time in my life, I am realizing that I can choose how I feel. And when it comes down to it, I want to work. So why should I let my issues of being cornered into it affect my joy in this?
Chris preached on the word 'Trapped' in Sunday School yesterday, and the quote on the top of the page was "Freedom is Frightening." Yeah, it's kinda like that. I'm so used to the feelings and emotions of being trapped in my life... stuck in my circumstances... that old Mr. Fear comes along and says that I can never be free. I can never have joy. I can never let go of my depression. Mr. Fear says that there is no door to exit; the only solution to my problems is death. But what Mr. Fear doesn't know is that I am opening my eyes to something HUGE! I have the key to get out of that feeling. I have the key to change how I perceive a situation. I have the key to give thanks in all things - to see that silver lining on the cloud!
The first key is that God is sovereign in my situation! He foreordained it to happen. He knows what's going on. He sees it all. He saw me all of those years as I cared for my children while I felt lonely, unfulfilled, and without purpose. He sees our financial situation that would force me into finding a job sooner than I had planned. He knows. He sees. He brought it upon me! That is the second key. He brings things upon me to prepare me for the ministry that he has for me! Here I am excited about today, but also dreading it. Dreading escaping the box of my house, and fearing that I am just entering one more box at work. Is there really any freedom? What would I do with it if I were truly free? This is the wrong attitude. Jesus is bringing each circumstance into my life to shape me for that perfect plan He has in mind. He created me to do a specific something, and designed special circumstances to shape me into exactly what he had in mind. Everybody has an opinion on what they think about me going back to work... positive, negative and neutral... but the bottom line is that this is an experience God wants me to have right now for his glory in my life. The third key is that even if I feel alone, Jesus goes through everything I go through right along with me. The coolest thing that Chris said about feeling trapped was that 'When God is conspicuously absent it is when he is most omnisciently present." When I don't feel him, don't see him, and feel like I'm just going to have to figure things out on my own, He is still there. In fact, he is probably orchestrating circumstances so that I will look to him and tell him that I'm in over my head. He is just waiting for me to ask him to do things for me. He brings everything upon me to bring me to my face on his altar of surrender. He is ever there patiently waiting for the day that I stop playing tug-o-war and give each situation to him.
So here I am right now on the morning of my interview, and I want to do something I have never done before. Something that I am completely unable to do, but that I believe that Jesus wants me to do. I want to thank him for my life circumstances. I want to thank him for the years that I've stayed home with my children; there are so many memories that I will always cherish. I want to thank him for our financial situation. I have learned much about God's provision and faith. I want to thank him for allowing me to go back to work even though it is not in optimum circumstances in my life, he has a plan. And I want to surrender to him my future. I don't want to feel trapped any more by anything. It's such a silly emotion. I'm saved! I have Christ in me! In Christ is perfect liberty and freedom. I want to be able to give thanks in everything, and feel joy and freedom in everything. Chris said it was a choice - choose to complain and stay trapped, or choose to surrender and find freedom. I choose surrender.

To write or not to write that is the question...

Chris really thinks I'm supposed to be a writer. He is fascinated by my blogs. Of course, he doesn't 'get' my poetry or my music at all, but he loves my blogs. He says I should write a Christian self help book from the view of a 25 year old girl. Could be fun! What's funny about that is that I have always dreamed about having my name on the cover of a book. Wait! Did I just say, "always dreamed??? Yes, that's right, it's something I've really wanted to do. I remember beginning to write my first novel in 7th grade, and bringing in my "manuscript" (oh, yes... I had big dreams of grandeur!) and reading it to the girls. I'd have sleepovers and they'd ask me to read my story. When we would get to the last sentence I had written they would beg me to write more before we went to sleep. Sadly, not only did I never finish that novel, but I no longer even have it. Why? I was afraid. It was not a Christian story, it was a romance novel. It wasn't smutty, but I was ashamed of it because I knew my parents would never approve of me writing anything but Christian fiction. I laid awake at night dreaming of pseudonym's for myself - my very own Mark Twain name - but even in that there was fear as I knew someone (my publisher!) would know who I was and it would eventually get out to my parents and I would be so busted!

I used to write a lot of poetry. This was private. No one ever had to read it unless I chose to let them. I did enter a poem in a contest once and got it published. That was one of the most exciting days in my life! I wanted to buy the book it was in, but my parents didn't share the same excitement I did... perhaps because they really didn't care about my poetry, or perhaps over the price tag of the book. Anyway, they never purchased the book, and I was pretty much crushed. If it wasn't important enough to them to own the tome that my name was printed in, then would it matter to anyone else? From that time one I never shared my poetry with anyone except my husband, who as I said doesn't 'get' it, (*SHRUG* What can I say? He's a guy.) and I rarely write it anymore unless it's a song. Even then I only sing the songs I write to my husband, which is also silly of me because he's not musical. I need to find a musical person to try them on. My fear there is that because my mom writes music everyone will compare me to her. I am so not her. I have a different style altogether. I do not want to be tried and found wanting. (Does anybody like criticism?)

I was also quite a story-teller back in a day. I have always had very long dreams at night that I remember in vast detail in the morning and when I was in school I would regale the other kids with these amazing adventures. They loved it. In fact, I'd have them so hooked on these dreams (that often went on and on for nights and nights. I used to have an ability to focus before sleep and cause myself to continue the same dream that night) that when the dream stopped I would have to make up an ending. They never believed that I was telling actual dreams, but I was. I often thought that I should have written them down (although they would have only been entertaining to a middle school audience!)

Then there was all the role-playing, and character imagining. I spent an entire week at youth conference one time being my imaginary self "Georgia Jakes" a southern belle who was in love with a civil war soldier named Lieutenant Anthony Allen Aimes. I used the accent and everything. I entertained the whole bus the whole way to Indiana and back. I loved to choose a character and become that person entirely - develop and entire life for them, mannerisms, friends, lifestyle, everything. I had so many 'alternate selves' I guess you could call them that I would just get lost in as I dreamed whole worlds around them. It was just like reading a book. I become the character that I most identify with in a story. In real life, I didn't like myself, so I created people that I wished to identify with. Sometimes I thought if I opened my eyes they would be standing right there... (ok, I'm no schizo!) Of course, now I have settled into who I am, but I have never lost the desire to create these amazing people and think about what they would be like if they were to really live.

My husband says this is kind of like my love for the game called the Sims. I was completely addicted to that game! I bought every expansion pack that came out. I literally spent hours upon hours playing it. Why? I loved creating people. I loved building communities. I loved choosing where they would live, what they would wear, where they would go, who they would love, if they would have children, etc. I actually had to take these games to the video game exchange place because I wasn't getting anything else accomplished in my life! I think Chris is right though... it is a clue.

Another clue is my love for so many careers. Perhaps I loved so many things, not because I wanted to be them all, but because I wanted to experience them all so that I could communicate them to others (via writing). I discovered my love for things from reading, so it makes sense that I would give it back through writing.

All that said, I'm not sure if writing is my thing or not, but I do love to write blogs, and it is one of my spiritual gifts according to the test I took on Sunday. Writing is something I can do regardless of what ministry we end up in.... I still have questions. :0) We will see.

Why 5 AM?

This morning at 5 AM Jesus woke me up. Did I want to get up? No. I was cold. I was tired. I was grouchy. I wanted to go back to sleep. Why, oh why is it always 5 AM? Of course, you would think that by this time in my Christian life I would just bound out of bed with joy at the thought that my Saviour wants to talk to me, but no... I said something along the lines of 'what do you want?' (OH MY!) Of course, he wanted me to read my Bible (AT 5 AM??!!), and I'm like, "Jesus, I'm cold, I'm tired! Can we do this later? Besides, remember how I don't have The Message yet? I don't even have access to the Internet today because something is wrong with the server (thank goodness it turned out to be a firewall problem!! YAY! My Internet is back! But at this moment, I didn't know that)." He of course sends me this mental image of my simple green KJV sitting on the shelf in the other room, to which I said, "But Lord, it's so early, I'll never get anything out of it this morning!" To which he sent me the same mental image with the thought that there was something very simple in there for me today. Nothing to difficult, nothing that would need a dictionary, a concordance, or a commentary. "But why?" I had to ask. (I HAD to ask. It was 5 o'clock in the morning!!!) He simply whispered one word. VISION. Come again? What was that? VISION. "Are you saying that you are going to give me my vision if I get up and read my Bible this morning?" Why, oh why did He have to wait until 5 AM to do it? I think I actually harrumphed. I dragged out of bed with my blanked wrapped around me asking where I was supposed to read at, but of course there was no reply on that. I apparently had to figure it out myself. I sat down on the floor outside of the bathroom and decided to read where I had left off in the Message a few days earlier, in Colossians 4 (I know, I know, for a girl who's seeking purpose I haven't been reading very much...). I was all like "YADA, YADA, YADA... okay, God. There's nothing in here for me, I'm going to bed now..." until I came to verse 17.

"And say to Archippus, Take heed to the ministry which thou hast received in the Lord, that thou fulfil it."

It was like there were little neon arrows surrounding the verse, and I knew it was what he had roused me from sleep for. Simple for sure, but confusing as well. What ministry? I already had one? When did he give it to me? Of course, right now he was pretty quiet and I was left entirely to my own sleepy-headed musings, and this was the time that an explanation would have been great! I had a cross reference written in my Bible from some time ago leading me to Philemon 2

"And to our beloved Apphia, and Archippus our fellowsoldier, and to the church in they house:"

It meant little to me, so I went back and studied the verse some more... What ministry? It must be important if the Holy Spirit would get me up at 5 AM. And then I remembered something... I Timothy... There was this verse that God gave me last year when we submitted our resumes to FBC. I was terrified about being a pastor's wife, but we saw it as an open door, so we walked through it. God ended up having other plans, but he was pleased with our willingness. At this time I was seeking him like crazy because I was overwhelmed with what that role would mean for me. I was at the dentist getting an emergency root canal and I was bored, so I was playing games on my cell phone (it turned into an all day event). I decided to read my Bible on my cell phone while I was in there and started in I Timothy. It seemed a logical place to start. My husband was seeking the pastorate, and I Timothy was written to a young pastor. I got to verse 12 and my heart melted. Jesus spoke to me, and at the time I thought it was just for peace about FBC... now I'm not so sure. The verse is as follows:

" And I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who hath enabled me, for that he counted me faithful, putting me into the ministry;"

I was never called to do anything, but I felt that God was saying that because I had been faithful in the ministries he had given me, he would allow me to serve alongside my husband.

Now here I was this morning looking at this verse in a new light. Last fall Jesus said that I was faithful and he put me into the ministry, and now he says to me, remember what I told you? It's time to fulfill it.

This left me a tad bit confused as I asked myself is it a ministry, or THE ministry... So I asked Christopher, and in so doing I found the importance of Philemon 2... Archippus was a preacher/teacher, Timothy was a Pastor. There is only one "THE ministry" I quipped back at him that I must be called to preach then, and he laughed. No, not called to preach. Called to the ministry. My husband is called to preach. I as his wife am no less in the ministry than he is. He proceeded to remind me of something that happened last summer at my dear friend Carolyn's funeral. Christopher preached her funeral, and afterwards a sweet lady began to talk to me in an understanding way about being a pastor's wife and that she just knew I was a wonderful one, and she knew just what it was like and gave me all kinds of encouragement. I should have told her that my husband wasn't a pastor, but I couldn't. It felt... right. It felt like truth. Chris was standing right there having person after person shake his hand and call him a pastor, but he couldn't correct them. It felt true. We looked at each other, startled as if some prophecy had been spoken over us. We did tell the sweet lady the truth, and she looked at us in confusion and said that God would put us in a church for sure. From that point on Chris has known that he would pastor a church. For some reason, it hasn't sunk in with me.
Oh, I know why. Because it is the one thing that I have always said that I would NEVER do!! There you have it. A missionaries wife, sure, a pastor's wife, no way!
So I think God is trying to tell me something...
Meanwhile other things are happening in Chris' life that I'd love to tell you about, but the timing isn't right. Needless to say, God has me on this vision seeking journey for a reason, and I'm not seeking on my own. My husband is on a journey as well! I think we all will be amazed at what will happen in the near future.

Oh... Archippus means master of the horse... perhaps I'll get my horse ranch after all! LOL

Where to serve....

So my husband found this great site on spiritual gifts, and it has a section to help you figure out what ministry you should serve in depending on where your strengths lie.
(http://mintools.com/ministries.htm) The gift categories are a bit different than the test I took, but here are the 8 gifts I scored highest in with ministry options (these links go to the website for more info on those ministry areas)

service (this is where my writing and music fall under)
benevolence/caring
clerical
communications
hospitality
service-oriented
staff-support
worship

hospitality
benevolence/caring
hospitality

discernment
discernment
prayer
staffing
staff-support
visionary

administration
Christian education
staffing
staff-support

leadership
Christian education
visionary

apostle
outreach
visionary

missionary outreach

Well, I don't feel like I'm any closer to what I'm supposed to do, but I know some areas in the church that I can try. I already do worship team and hospitality. I can rule out Christian education because I am NOT a teacher, and I can rule out some parts of benevolence because I do not have mercy or helps, but some of it is my type of hospitality... like sending cards, making meals, etc...

So what does that leave... the things that stand out to me are staff-support, visionary, and communications (here's where I could use my writing skills!).

Just what is my place in the church?

Hmmmm... still as confused as ever. I guess I'll keep doing what I know for now. Music! :0)