Early morning ponderings...

Some people like to do puzzles, I like to draw mazes... Right now I'm trying to figure out where some of these interesting paths in my life intersect into the main path... and I'm concerned about which ones may dead end... Unfortunately, this is one maze that I did not draw....
And of course, there is comfort in the fact that the most amazing Maze Maker of all has designed this one for me, but there is also frustration involved cuz I want to know NOW. Sometimes it's hard to rest in Him, knowing that He will show me in His time. I have many questions, and I have many plans. I really should not worry, it's not like He's disappointed me yet. He has given me the desires of my heart over and over and over again... Really, is there reason to fear? No... no fears... only a deep need to see the end goal, to formulate a clear vision, to know exactly what I am working towards. :) I think, "Is that so much to ask?" I suppose not, and yet I know this One who guides me each step of the way, and He has been very funny about giving me tiny little illuminated corridors at a time! A scripture verse here, a self-insight there... Perhaps to others these make more sense than they do to myself! Maybe? HA! And so the mystery continues, and I grab a hold of His hand and beg Him to take me deeper into Himself and deeper into what He has for me. I anticipate...... something wonderful....!

Jesus Life Coach

Little thing I wrote for school that I ended up not using. Wasn't exactly what the assignment called for, so I re-wrote it with a different life application. Thought this was worth saving though. :)

There was a time that I saw Jesus as coming to steal away the individuality of those who called upon his name. Every dream I ever had as a child was squelched because I thought that in order to be a Christian, I had to ‘fit the mold’ that every other Christian in my church was striving to fit into with the ultimate goal being full-time ministry as if that were the end-all-be-all place of the Christian life. I always loved the verse in Scripture that says, “Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart” (Psalm 37:4), because secretly, deep inside me, I hoped that if I tried hard enough to please him he would make me happy with some of my hopes and dreams—but this was always explained away as meaning Christ’s desires.
Then one day I actually met Jesus. He transformed my life, my way of thinking, my everything. Slowly, bit-by-bit, he awakened my heart to the realization that the dreams inside of me were gifts from him! He had created me with a purpose and a plan, and the week-in, week-out performance of religion was not going to replace that for me. With Jesus as my Coach my life has become, as Jones (2004) says, “a dance of possibilities far more than the march of sorrows we have come to associate with religion” (p. 169). No longer do I look to a religious consensus to see where my story will go, I look within me to the amazing passions Jesus has placed there. He has given me the desires of my heart.

Reference
Jones, Laurie B. (2004) Jesus life coach. New York, NY. MLB Books

Trapped or Free

Today I have a job interview. I am excited. I can almost taste what it is like to be back in the work place again! After 4 1/2 years of being home with children, I am headed back out into the world of 40 hours a week and Friday is payday. (I'm not dead set on 40 hours though... I'll probably start at 30 and see how it goes? We'll see) This is not really what I had planned at this stage in my life, as I was going to wait until both of my children were in school, but our financial situation demands it. Strange. I should feel forced into working, or angry... I should feel trapped. Why am I not feeling this emotion? For years I was trapped by being home all the time, when what I really wanted to do was work... yet for the love of my children, I stayed home. At the same time, I never wanted to work because I had too, and anytime it was brought up I felt forced into the situation... again trapped. I think for the first time in my life, I am realizing that I can choose how I feel. And when it comes down to it, I want to work. So why should I let my issues of being cornered into it affect my joy in this?
Chris preached on the word 'Trapped' in Sunday School yesterday, and the quote on the top of the page was "Freedom is Frightening." Yeah, it's kinda like that. I'm so used to the feelings and emotions of being trapped in my life... stuck in my circumstances... that old Mr. Fear comes along and says that I can never be free. I can never have joy. I can never let go of my depression. Mr. Fear says that there is no door to exit; the only solution to my problems is death. But what Mr. Fear doesn't know is that I am opening my eyes to something HUGE! I have the key to get out of that feeling. I have the key to change how I perceive a situation. I have the key to give thanks in all things - to see that silver lining on the cloud!
The first key is that God is sovereign in my situation! He foreordained it to happen. He knows what's going on. He sees it all. He saw me all of those years as I cared for my children while I felt lonely, unfulfilled, and without purpose. He sees our financial situation that would force me into finding a job sooner than I had planned. He knows. He sees. He brought it upon me! That is the second key. He brings things upon me to prepare me for the ministry that he has for me! Here I am excited about today, but also dreading it. Dreading escaping the box of my house, and fearing that I am just entering one more box at work. Is there really any freedom? What would I do with it if I were truly free? This is the wrong attitude. Jesus is bringing each circumstance into my life to shape me for that perfect plan He has in mind. He created me to do a specific something, and designed special circumstances to shape me into exactly what he had in mind. Everybody has an opinion on what they think about me going back to work... positive, negative and neutral... but the bottom line is that this is an experience God wants me to have right now for his glory in my life. The third key is that even if I feel alone, Jesus goes through everything I go through right along with me. The coolest thing that Chris said about feeling trapped was that 'When God is conspicuously absent it is when he is most omnisciently present." When I don't feel him, don't see him, and feel like I'm just going to have to figure things out on my own, He is still there. In fact, he is probably orchestrating circumstances so that I will look to him and tell him that I'm in over my head. He is just waiting for me to ask him to do things for me. He brings everything upon me to bring me to my face on his altar of surrender. He is ever there patiently waiting for the day that I stop playing tug-o-war and give each situation to him.
So here I am right now on the morning of my interview, and I want to do something I have never done before. Something that I am completely unable to do, but that I believe that Jesus wants me to do. I want to thank him for my life circumstances. I want to thank him for the years that I've stayed home with my children; there are so many memories that I will always cherish. I want to thank him for our financial situation. I have learned much about God's provision and faith. I want to thank him for allowing me to go back to work even though it is not in optimum circumstances in my life, he has a plan. And I want to surrender to him my future. I don't want to feel trapped any more by anything. It's such a silly emotion. I'm saved! I have Christ in me! In Christ is perfect liberty and freedom. I want to be able to give thanks in everything, and feel joy and freedom in everything. Chris said it was a choice - choose to complain and stay trapped, or choose to surrender and find freedom. I choose surrender.

Everything is about purpose these days!

I log onto myspace, and Mike has a new blog about purpose! Coincidence? Perhaps. But just now as I opened up BibleGateway.com and read I Thessalonians chapter 1 in The Message, again I was reminded about having a purpose... Jesus says to me:

It is clear to us, friends, that God not only loves you very much but also has put his hand on you for something special.

There you have it! God has something special he wants me to do! Wow! flashback! Those were lyrics from the duet that I sang with Uncle Tim in that play years ago! Fancy remembering that now.

I'm special to Jesus, there's no one else like me.
I wouldn't trade places with anyone else,
I'm special you see.
God has a perfect plan he wants me to do.
I'm special, I'm special to my Lord
I'm special, I'm special to my Lord.

I'm getting goosebumps... Thank you Jesus for reminding me that I am special, and that you do have a plan for my life, and that you were working circumstances in my life to lead up to this very moment even when I was a child!