My spiritual journey: moments of clarity, ponderings, and vast irritations

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Jaded, Doubting, Uncertain... Yet He is there

And He SHINES on me. He warms me. He awes me. The tears come to my eyes and I try to hold them back.. I won't weep, I refuse to weep when I am this angry, this hurt, this betrayed. And yet... He is there. He is patient. Ever reminding me in little ways and big ways of his ardent passion for me. He has never left me. He never abandoned me. It is me who is turning my head away from his romantic melody. I am the doubter, he is the wooer. And he never gives up. How can I not melt when he is this amazing in his romance? How can I not forgive him for something he never even did to me... I am holding a grudge against an innocent lover... because I don't fully understand him. He says he wants me to have the most marvelous, amazing, happy, joyful and wonderful life and here I am wanting instant proof of that life and railing against him at the slightest sign of a storm. And yet... it is the moments with him that are the most marvelous, amazing, happy, joyful and wonderful. I am ruined for anyone else. I cannot be happy anywhere else but with him, in his arms.

Thank you Steve McVey for posting this song today because it struck a chord with all that I have been struggling with in my walk.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Opportunity --- Seize the day or Walk Away?

Once in a lifetime the opportunity comes To leap from the comfort of the everyday Into the possibilities of the future. But what we do in that moment makes all the difference. Do we run and hide in terror at the thought of the unknown? Do we pretend everything is the same and go on As if oblivious to the new pathway? Do we question and research this avenue Yet refuse to act upon our knowledge? Do we beg the advice of those around us Allowing them to make our decisions Rather than listening to the voice of our own heart, Or do we cast aside the hum drum of our normal routine And embrace this new venture wholeheartedly? THIS choice makes all the difference in future fulfillment. Abundant life is offered freely, but when such freedom is refused.... What good can it bring to one's existence? Fears are lies. Worries are enemies. Anxiety is a phantom. The wall is an imaginary construct waiting to be crushed. So chase that dream with all your heart. GO! Make it yours while you can. You can grasp it if you only choose to do so. It lies with in you.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Great 8 Competencies

According to Enneagram research, 7s fall into this category of the Great 8 Competencies (a personality profile I had never heard of before, but will have to look into further.)

Interacting and presenting

Interacting and presenting comprises three sets of competencies. First, relating and networking entails relating and networking, building rapport, networking, relating across levels, managing conflict, and using humor. Second, persuading and influencing entails making an impact, shaping conversations, appealing to emotions, promoting ideas, negotiating, gaining agreement, and dealing with political issues. Third, presenting and communicating information includes speaking fluently, explaining concepts and opinions, articulating key points of an argument, presenting and public speaking, projecting credibility, and responding to an audience.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Career test results

These are the personality types in Dr. John Holland's theory of careers and vocational choice:
Realistic: practical, physical, concrete, hands-on, machine, and tool-oriented
Investigative: analytical, intellectual, scientific, explorative, thinker
Artistic: creative, original, independent, chaotic, inventive, media, graphics, and text
Social: cooperative, supporting, helping, healing/nurturing, teaching
Enterprising: competitive environments, leadership, persuading, status
Conventional: detail-oriented, organizing, clerical

My results from the test (which I am not entirely thrilled about!):
You preferred 'Investigative' the most, followed by 'Enterprising' and 'Artistic'. Your six letter personality type is 'IEACRS'. Your personal preference is also shown in a graph below.

Your personal Holland Code:

Depending on how strongly you favor any specific type you can compose your own personal Holland Code. You do this by taking the first letters of the types you favor most. In your case, this is the letters I, E and A Your personal Holland Code then becomes either IEA, IE, EI or even EIA.

Recommended jobs:

Mechanical engineering technician
Logistics manager
Web developer
University researcher
General practitioner
Secondary school manager
HR manager
Police inspector
Veterinary practitioner
Estate agent
Civil engineering technician.

Big 5 tests compared;

Today's results: high extraversion, low agreeableness, low conscientiousness, high neuroticism, and high openness to experience. Soooo... I have changed a bit here and there in the conscientiousness and neuroticism categories. or else perhaps I was just more honest with myself today. :p

Comparing my '08 results with my current results:


Same score, however my activity level is down from 94% in '08 to 61% in '11 and my cheerfulness is down from 97% to 91%


I was low in this both times I took the test, however I dropped from 25% in '08 to 0% currently. Hmmm... I am apparently a very disagreeable person.
My score went down in all levels except trust which went from 66% to 79%.
The greatest drop was in altruism: 64% down to 3%

another BIG drop here.. from 44% down to 8%. However, my self-efficacy increased 4% to 89%.
I am less dutiful than ever dropping from 33% to 0!!!
Basically, all other categories are lower, including SURPRISE! achievement-striving which dropped from 84% to 47%.


Increase here from 58% to 76%

Only category that is down is depression. YAY! However, anxiety and anger are at new highs... I've increased my immoderation and vulnerability significantly as well. Still not self-conscious - Holding at 1%

Openness to Experience

Higher score by 4%, Imagination is down 2%, intellect dropped a few points, liberalism jumped from 0 to a whopping 43%!! Wow! Overall, scores are relatively the same in this category.

Big 5 Personality Test

Studying the Big 5 personality this week (already took the exam) so I'm taking a handful of the tests to see exactly how stable the traits are. In '08 (results posted in an earlier blog) I was high extraversion, low agreeableness, average conscientiousness, average neuroticism, and high openness to experience. On to test takin!

Test 1:
Big Five Test Results
Extroversion (90%) very high which suggests you are overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.
Accommodation (14%) very low which suggests you are overly selfish, uncooperative, and difficult at the expense too often of the well being of others.
Orderliness (28%) low which suggests you are overly flexible, random, scattered, and fun seeking at the expense too often of structure, reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.
Emotional Stability (18%) low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.
Inquisitiveness (52%) medium which suggests you are moderately intellectual, curious, and imaginative.
Take Free Big Five Personality Test
Personality Test by

Test 2: Word test
Big Five Word Test Results
Extroversion (90%) very high which suggests you are overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.
Accommodation (24%) low which suggests you are overly selfish, uncooperative, and difficult at the expense too often of the well being of others.
Orderliness (50%) medium which suggests you are moderately organized, structured, and self controlled while still remaining flexible, varied, and fun.
Emotional Stability (18%) low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.
Inquisitiveness (80%) high which suggests you are very intellectual, curious, imaginative but possibly not very practical.
Take Free Big Five Word Personality Test
personality tests by

Test 3: the long one!

Extraversion is marked by pronounced engagement with the external world. Extraverts enjoy being with people, are full of energy, and often experience positive emotions. They tend to be enthusiastic, action-oriented, individuals who are likely to say "Yes!" or "Let's go!" to opportunities for excitement. In groups they like to talk, assert themselves, and draw attention to themselves.

Introverts lack the exuberance, energy, and activity levels of extraverts. They tend to be quiet, low-key, deliberate, and disengaged from the social world. Their lack of social involvement should not be interpreted as shyness or depression; the introvert simply needs less stimulation than an extravert and prefers to be alone. The independence and reserve of the introvert is sometimes mistaken as unfriendliness or arrogance. In reality, an introvert who scores high on the agreeableness dimension will not seek others out but will be quite pleasant when approached.

..Activity Level...........61

Your score on Extraversion is high, indicating you are sociable, outgoing, energetic, and lively. You prefer to be around people much of the time.

Extraversion Facets

Friendliness. Friendly people genuinely like other people and openly demonstrate positive feelings toward others. They make friends quickly and it is easy for them to form close, intimate relationships. Low scorers on Friendliness are not necessarily cold and hostile, but they do not reach out to others and are perceived as distant and reserved. Your level of friendliness is high.

Gregariousness. Gregarious people find the company of others pleasantly stimulating and rewarding. They enjoy the excitement of crowds. Low scorers tend to feel overwhelmed by, and therefore actively avoid, large crowds. They do not necessarily dislike being with people sometimes, but their need for privacy and time to themselves is much greater than for individuals who score high on this scale. Your level of gregariousness is high.

Assertiveness. High scorers Assertiveness like to speak out, take charge, and direct the activities of others. They tend to be leaders in groups. Low scorers tend not to talk much and let others control the activities of groups. Your level of assertiveness is high.

Activity Level. Active individuals lead fast-paced, busy lives. They move about quickly, energetically, and vigorously, and they are involved in many activities. People who score low on this scale follow a slower and more leisurely, relaxed pace. Your activity level is average.

Excitement-Seeking. High scorers on this scale are easily bored without high levels of stimulation. They love bright lights and hustle and bustle. They are likely to take risks and seek thrills. Low scorers are overwhelmed by noise and commotion and are adverse to thrill-seeking. Your level of excitement-seeking is high.

Cheerfulness. This scale measures positive mood and feelings, not negative emotions (which are a part of the Neuroticism domain). Persons who score high on this scale typically experience a range of positive feelings, including happiness, enthusiasm, optimism, and joy. Low scorers are not as prone to such energetic, high spirits. Your level of positive emotions is high.

Agreeableness reflects individual differences in concern with cooperation and social harmony. Agreeable individuals value getting along with others. They are therefore considerate, friendly, generous, helpful, and willing to compromise their interests with others'. Agreeable people also have an optimistic view of human nature. They believe people are basically honest, decent, and trustworthy.

Disagreeable individuals place self-interest above getting along with others. They are generally unconcerned with others' well-being, and therefore are unlikely to extend themselves for other people. Sometimes their skepticism about others' motives causes them to be suspicious, unfriendly, and uncooperative.

Agreeableness is obviously advantageous for attaining and maintaining popularity. Agreeable people are better liked than disagreeable people. On the other hand, agreeableness is not useful in situations that require tough or absolute objective decisions. Disagreeable people can make excellent scientists, critics, or soldiers.


Your score on Agreeableness is low, indicating less concern with others' needs Than with your own. People see you as tough, critical, and uncompromising.

Agreeableness Facets

Trust. A person with high trust assumes that most people are fair, honest, and have good intentions. Persons low in trust see others as selfish, devious, and potentially dangerous. Your level of trust is high.

Morality. High scorers on this scale see no need for pretense or manipulation when dealing with others and are therefore candid, frank, and sincere. Low scorers believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary. People find it relatively easy to relate to the straightforward high-scorers on this scale. They generally find it more difficult to relate to the unstraightforward low-scorers on this scale. It should be made clear that low scorers are not unprincipled or immoral; they are simply more guarded and less willing to openly reveal the whole truth. Your level of morality is low.

Altruism. Altruistic people find helping other people genuinely rewarding. Consequently, they are generally willing to assist those who are in need. Altruistic people find that doing things for others is a form of self-fulfillment rather than self-sacrifice. Low scorers on this scale do not particularly like helping those in need. Requests for help feel like an imposition rather than an opportunity for self-fulfillment. Your level of altruism is low.

Cooperation. Individuals who score high on this scale dislike confrontations. They are perfectly willing to compromise or to deny their own needs in order to get along with others. Those who score low on this scale are more likely to intimidate others to get their way. Your level of compliance is low.

Modesty. High scorers on this scale do not like to claim that they are better than other people. In some cases this attitude may derive from low self-confidence or self-esteem. Nonetheless, some people with high self-esteem find immodesty unseemly. Those who are willing to describe themselves as superior tend to be seen as disagreeably arrogant by other people. Your level of modesty is low.

Sympathy. People who score high on this scale are tenderhearted and compassionate. They feel the pain of others vicariously and are easily moved to pity. Low scorers are not affected strongly by human suffering. They pride themselves on making objective judgments based on reason. They are more concerned with truth and impartial justice than with mercy. Your level of tender-mindedness is low.

Conscientiousness concerns the way in which we control, regulate, and direct our impulses. Impulses are not inherently bad; occasionally time constraints require a snap decision, and acting on our first impulse can be an effective response. Also, in times of play rather than work, acting spontaneously and impulsively can be fun. Impulsive individuals can be seen by others as colorful, fun-to-be-with, and zany.

Nonetheless, acting on impulse can lead to trouble in a number of ways. Some impulses are antisocial. Uncontrolled antisocial acts not only harm other members of society, but also can result in retribution toward the perpetrator of such impulsive acts. Another problem with impulsive acts is that they often produce immediate rewards but undesirable, long-term consequences. Examples include excessive socializing that leads to being fired from one's job, hurling an insult that causes the breakup of an important relationship, or using pleasure-inducing drugs that eventually destroy one's health.

Impulsive behavior, even when not seriously destructive, diminishes a person's effectiveness in significant ways. Acting impulsively disallows contemplating alternative courses of action, some of which would have been wiser than the impulsive choice. Impulsivity also sidetracks people during projects that require organized sequences of steps or stages. Accomplishments of an impulsive person are therefore small, scattered, and inconsistent.

A hallmark of intelligence, what potentially separates human beings from earlier life forms, is the ability to think about future consequences before acting on an impulse. Intelligent activity involves contemplation of long-range goals, organizing and planning routes to these goals, and persisting toward one's goals in the face of short-lived impulses to the contrary. The idea that intelligence involves impulse control is nicely captured by the term prudence, an alternative label for the Conscientiousness domain. Prudent means both wise and cautious. Persons who score high on the Conscientiousness scale are, in fact, perceived by others as intelligent.

The benefits of high conscientiousness are obvious. Conscientious individuals avoid trouble and achieve high levels of success through purposeful planning and persistence. They are also positively regarded by others as intelligent and reliable. On the negative side, they can be compulsive perfectionists and workaholics. Furthermore, extremely conscientious individuals might be regarded as stuffy and boring. Unconscientious people may be criticized for their unreliability, lack of ambition, and failure to stay within the lines, but they will experience many short-lived pleasures and they will never be called stuffy.


Your score on Conscientiousness is low, indicating you like to live for the moment and do what feels good now. Your work tends to be careless and disorganized.

Conscientiousness Facets

Self-Efficacy. Self-Efficacy describes confidence in one's ability to accomplish things. High scorers believe they have the intelligence (common sense), drive, and self-control necessary for achieving success. Low scorers do not feel effective, and may have a sense that they are not in control of their lives. Your level of self-efficacy is high.

Orderliness. Persons with high scores on orderliness are well-organized. They like to live according to routines and schedules. They keep lists and make plans. Low scorers tend to be disorganized and scattered. Your level of orderliness is low.

Dutifulness. This scale reflects the strength of a person's sense of duty and obligation. Those who score high on this scale have a strong sense of moral obligation. Low scorers find contracts, rules, and regulations overly confining. They are likely to be seen as unreliable or even irresponsible. Your level of dutifulness is low.

Achievement-Striving. Individuals who score high on this scale strive hard to achieve excellence. Their drive to be recognized as successful keeps them on track toward their lofty goals. They often have a strong sense of direction in life, but extremely high scores may be too single-minded and obsessed with their work. Low scorers are content to get by with a minimal amount of work, and might be seen by others as lazy. Your level of achievement striving is average.

Self-Discipline. Self-discipline-what many people call will-power-refers to the ability to persist at difficult or unpleasant tasks until they are completed. People who possess high self-discipline are able to overcome reluctance to begin tasks and stay on track despite distractions. Those with low self-discipline procrastinate and show poor follow-through, often failing to complete tasks-even tasks they want very much to complete. Your level of self-discipline is low.

Cautiousness. Cautiousness describes the disposition to think through possibilities before acting. High scorers on the Cautiousness scale take their time when making decisions. Low scorers often say or do first thing that comes to mind without deliberating alternatives and the probable consequences of those alternatives. Your level of cautiousness is low.

Freud originally used the term neurosis to describe a condition marked by mental distress, emotional suffering, and an inability to cope effectively with the normal demands of life. He suggested that everyone shows some signs of neurosis, but that we differ in our degree of suffering and our specific symptoms of distress. Today neuroticism refers to the tendency to experience negative feelings. Those who score high on Neuroticism may experience primarily one specific negative feeling such as anxiety, anger, or depression, but are likely to experience several of these emotions. People high in neuroticism are emotionally reactive. They respond emotionally to events that would not affect most people, and their reactions tend to be more intense than normal. They are more likely to interpret ordinary situations as threatening, and minor frustrations as hopelessly difficult. Their negative emotional reactions tend to persist for unusually long periods of time, which means they are often in a bad mood. These problems in emotional regulation can diminish a neurotic's ability to think clearly, make decisions, and cope effectively with stress.

At the other end of the scale, individuals who score low in neuroticism are less easily upset and are less emotionally reactive. They tend to be calm, emotionally stable, and free from persistent negative feelings. Freedom from negative feelings does not mean that low scorers experience a lot of positive feelings; frequency of positive emotions is a component of the Extraversion domain.


Your score on Neuroticism is high, indicating that you are easily upset, even by what most people consider the normal demands of living. People consider you to be sensitive and emotional.

Neuroticism Facets

Anxiety. The "fight-or-flight" system of the brain of anxious individuals is too easily and too often engaged. Therefore, people who are high in anxiety often feel like something dangerous is about to happen. They may be afraid of specific situations or be just generally fearful. They feel tense, jittery, and nervous. Persons low in Anxiety are generally calm and fearless. Your level of anxiety is high.

Anger. Persons who score high in Anger feel enraged when things do not go their way. They are sensitive about being treated fairly and feel resentful and bitter when they feel they are being cheated. This scale measures the tendency to feel angry; whether or not the person expresses annoyance and hostility depends on the individual's level on Agreeableness. Low scorers do not get angry often or easily. Your level of anger is high.

Depression. This scale measures the tendency to feel sad, dejected, and discouraged. High scorers lack energy and have difficult initiating activities. Low scorers tend to be free from these depressive feelings. Your level of depression is average.

Self-Consciousness. Self-conscious individuals are sensitive about what others think of them. Their concern about rejection and ridicule cause them to feel shy and uncomfortable abound others. They are easily embarrassed and often feel ashamed. Their fears that others will criticize or make fun of them are exaggerated and unrealistic, but their awkwardness and discomfort may make these fears a self-fulfilling prophecy. Low scorers, in contrast, do not suffer from the mistaken impression that everyone is watching and judging them. They do not feel nervous in social situations. Your level or self-consciousness is low.

Immoderation. Immoderate individuals feel strong cravings and urges that they have have difficulty resisting. They tend to be oriented toward short-term pleasures and rewards rather than long- term consequences. Low scorers do not experience strong, irresistible cravings and consequently do not find themselves tempted to overindulge. Your level of immoderation is high.

Vulnerability. High scorers on Vulnerability experience panic, confusion, and helplessness when under pressure or stress. Low scorers feel more poised, confident, and clear-thinking when stressed. Your level of vulnerability is high.

Openness to Experience

Openness to Experience describes a dimension of cognitive style that distinguishes imaginative, creative people from down-to-earth, conventional people. Open people are intellectually curious, appreciative of art, and sensitive to beauty. They tend to be, compared to closed people, more aware of their feelings. They tend to think and act in individualistic and nonconforming ways. Intellectuals typically score high on Openness to Experience; consequently, this factor has also been called Culture or Intellect. Nonetheless, Intellect is probably best regarded as one aspect of openness to experience. Scores on Openness to Experience are only modestly related to years of education and scores on standard intelligent tests.

Another characteristic of the open cognitive style is a facility for thinking in symbols and abstractions far removed from concrete experience. Depending on the individual's specific intellectual abilities, this symbolic cognition may take the form of mathematical, logical, or geometric thinking, artistic and metaphorical use of language, music composition or performance, or one of the many visual or performing arts. People with low scores on openness to experience tend to have narrow, common interests. They prefer the plain, straightforward, and obvious over the complex, ambiguous, and subtle. They may regard the arts and sciences with suspicion, regarding these endeavors as abstruse or of no practical use. Closed people prefer familiarity over novelty; they are conservative and resistant to change.

Openness is often presented as healthier or more mature by psychologists, who are often themselves open to experience. However, open and closed styles of thinking are useful in different environments. The intellectual style of the open person may serve a professor well, but research has shown that closed thinking is related to superior job performance in police work, sales, and a number of service occupations.

..Artistic Interests.......82

Your score on Openness to Experience is high, indicating you enjoy novelty, variety, and change. You are curious, imaginative, and creative.

Openness Facets

Imagination. To imaginative individuals, the real world is often too plain and ordinary. High scorers on this scale use fantasy as a way of creating a richer, more interesting world. Low scorers are on this scale are more oriented to facts than fantasy. Your level of imagination is high.

Artistic Interests. High scorers on this scale love beauty, both in art and in nature. They become easily involved and absorbed in artistic and natural events. They are not necessarily artistically trained nor talented, although many will be. The defining features of this scale are interest in, and appreciation of natural and artificial beauty. Low scorers lack aesthetic sensitivity and interest in the arts. Your level of artistic interests is high.

Emotionality. Persons high on Emotionality have good access to and awareness of their own feelings. Low scorers are less aware of their feelings and tend not to express their emotions openly. Your level of emotionality is high.

Adventurousness. High scorers on adventurousness are eager to try new activities, travel to foreign lands, and experience different things. They find familiarity and routine boring, and will take a new route home just because it is different. Low scorers tend to feel uncomfortable with change and prefer familiar routines. Your level of adventurousness is high.

Intellect. Intellect and artistic interests are the two most important, central aspects of openness to experience. High scorers on Intellect love to play with ideas. They are open-minded to new and unusual ideas, and like to debate intellectual issues. They enjoy riddles, puzzles, and brain teasers. Low scorers on Intellect prefer dealing with either people or things rather than ideas. They regard intellectual exercises as a waste of time. Intellect should not be equated with intelligence. Intellect is an intellectual style, not an intellectual ability, although high scorers on Intellect score slightly higher than low-Intellect individuals on standardized intelligence tests. Your level of intellect is high.

Liberalism. Psychological liberalism refers to a readiness to challenge authority, convention, and traditional values. In its most extreme form, psychological liberalism can even represent outright hostility toward rules, sympathy for law-breakers, and love of ambiguity, chaos, and disorder. Psychological conservatives prefer the security and stability brought by conformity to tradition. Psychological liberalism and conservatism are not identical to political affiliation, but certainly incline individuals toward certain political parties. Your level of liberalism is average.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

I aspire to be you... but realize I can only be me

Some revelations are almost welcoming. They take the stress off. I know who I want to be like more than anything, and it's my Aunt Sandy. And I realized today that it just isn't in my core makeup to be her. We have many similarities, but I'm me and she is her. LOL And it's ok. She will always be my hero. Trying to be her is hard for me. I can't cook like that, clean like that, do all those projects and actually finish them! I'm a scatter brain. I start things and leave them undone. I'm cluttered and messy. I hate housework. I like to bake, but really only like to cook on occasions when I'm in the mood. I much prefer to have Chris do the daily meals. I'm no Suzie homemaker. I love to entertain, but despite countless spiritual gift test that say otherwise I have realized that I DO NOT HAVE THE GIFT OF HOSPITALITY! I just like to have people over to my house... because I NEED people around me to be fulfilled. Yeah. I don't like meeting their needs, they meet mine. I don't think there is a giant switch in my head I can throw that will put me into hospitality mode any time soon. I grumble and groan when I actually get put into a service role. It's just not me. Now, give me a fun project and I'm all over it! Helping in the kitchen at a party here and there... cool. No prob. Setting a table and making it pretty.. I don't mind. Especially if there are people involved. I can do all those things, but.. ummmm... just not to that level. Nope. But honestly, I'd much rather be the one shirking the duties and playing games, talking, dancing, swimming, something.. anything.. but actual housework stuff! There. I feel better. I'm just not made that way. Huge relief. (Of course, I do love my occasional whirlwind clean the whole house days and organize the closet days.. I can't deny my craziness there)
And I soooo wish I could hang out with my Aunt Sandy more often! Oh yes! Some of my bestest fondest memories EVER are with her! :)

Monday, June 6, 2011

Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it.

I Thessalonians 5:4 Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it.

This is the verse that is echoing in my head this morning after yesterday's... I don't know what you call that... annointing?

Long story short, Rich Nathan preached a great message on women's roles in the church and basically flung the door open for women to do any area of ministry including Sr. Pastor. Which is pretty much what I have believed for a while after doing some research on it several years back. Anyway, at the end he asked for women who had a call to ministry on their lives to come forward for prayer.

I looked at Chris and said, "Yeah.. I do... but..." And he said, "You'd better go then!"

Remember those verses I had from a while back?

I Timothy 1:12 And I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who hath enabled me, for that he counted me faithful, putting me into the ministry;

what ministry I asked him?
And some time later he says,

Colossians 4:17 And say to Archippus, Take heed to the ministry which thou hast received in the Lord, that thou fulfil it.

And I had the distinct feeling that God was calling me "Archippus" whatever that meant.

So, I found out that Archippus's name meant "master of the horse" and that he was an elder at Philemon's house church. Didn't make much sense to me because there was no way I could be an elder.

Anyway.. I've shoved all that aside for sometime now, but yesterday Pastor Nathan prayed down the Holy Spirit annointing on me and a lady prayed over me too with laying on of hands that I would be free from my past mindset about gender roles so that God could reveal to me the ministry he has for me. Wow.

So I'm looking further into Archippus, and I found out that he was likely the first bishop of Laodicea in Phrygia (Turkey), but at the time of Paul's writing he was a pastor or co-pastor of the church in Colosse.

Also, this is a guy whose heart is with Paul. Only two men were called Paul's fellow soldiers, Epaphroditis and Archippus. This word in Greek means "an associate in labours and conflicts for the cause of Christ"

Not a lot else known about this guy, but God found him important enough to mention twice in Scripture. Once to let us know that he was an upstanding guy and the other time to let us know that he had an important ministry call on his life.

And this is who God says I am... Hmmm...

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Early morning ponderings...

Some people like to do puzzles, I like to draw mazes... Right now I'm trying to figure out where some of these interesting paths in my life intersect into the main path... and I'm concerned about which ones may dead end... Unfortunately, this is one maze that I did not draw....
And of course, there is comfort in the fact that the most amazing Maze Maker of all has designed this one for me, but there is also frustration involved cuz I want to know NOW. Sometimes it's hard to rest in Him, knowing that He will show me in His time. I have many questions, and I have many plans. I really should not worry, it's not like He's disappointed me yet. He has given me the desires of my heart over and over and over again... Really, is there reason to fear? No... no fears... only a deep need to see the end goal, to formulate a clear vision, to know exactly what I am working towards. :) I think, "Is that so much to ask?" I suppose not, and yet I know this One who guides me each step of the way, and He has been very funny about giving me tiny little illuminated corridors at a time! A scripture verse here, a self-insight there... Perhaps to others these make more sense than they do to myself! Maybe? HA! And so the mystery continues, and I grab a hold of His hand and beg Him to take me deeper into Himself and deeper into what He has for me. I anticipate...... something wonderful....!

Friday, April 8, 2011

Jesus Life Coach

Little thing I wrote for school that I ended up not using. Wasn't exactly what the assignment called for, so I re-wrote it with a different life application. Thought this was worth saving though. :)

There was a time that I saw Jesus as coming to steal away the individuality of those who called upon his name. Every dream I ever had as a child was squelched because I thought that in order to be a Christian, I had to ‘fit the mold’ that every other Christian in my church was striving to fit into with the ultimate goal being full-time ministry as if that were the end-all-be-all place of the Christian life. I always loved the verse in Scripture that says, “Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart” (Psalm 37:4), because secretly, deep inside me, I hoped that if I tried hard enough to please him he would make me happy with some of my hopes and dreams—but this was always explained away as meaning Christ’s desires.
Then one day I actually met Jesus. He transformed my life, my way of thinking, my everything. Slowly, bit-by-bit, he awakened my heart to the realization that the dreams inside of me were gifts from him! He had created me with a purpose and a plan, and the week-in, week-out performance of religion was not going to replace that for me. With Jesus as my Coach my life has become, as Jones (2004) says, “a dance of possibilities far more than the march of sorrows we have come to associate with religion” (p. 169). No longer do I look to a religious consensus to see where my story will go, I look within me to the amazing passions Jesus has placed there. He has given me the desires of my heart.

Jones, Laurie B. (2004) Jesus life coach. New York, NY. MLB Books

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Life Song/Movie/Show

Been thinking for awhile about what my life song, movie, or tv show would be...
i.e. desperate housewife, sleepless in seattle, etc...
I, of course, must choose a song! I'm a music person!
And I can't just stick with title, it must include lyrics. :)

Leaning right now toward Dream, by Michelle Tumes (I say leaning, because I am still thinking about this... I may find something that speaks to me even more, but this is just so spot on at the moment)
Dreams you say? yes! I'm full of them!

I believe there is divine imagination
Give it wings for it created aviation
Every little hop you’re holding inside
Every little gleam you keep in you eyes
A dream, yeah, a dream

Before a seed became a flower there was a vision
The dream is planted deep, He’ll shower it with wisdom
Flowing with love that’s making you smile
You’ve waited in your faith you’ve dreamed your whole life
Your soul begin to fly

There’s a dream in your heart
And His heart is your prayer
You can move mountains with your life in His hands
He’ll tear down the walls and He’ll walk where you can’t
Have faith in the power to believe
He’s given you a dream

I pray your dream will leap beyond your expectations
You’ll see miracles He has no limitations
Listen to His voice a spark will ignite
Let Him be the strength to carry your life
He’ll raise your spirit high

You will find the bloom beneath the sunshine
Reach inside and sail to His horizon
Every little hope you’re holding inside
Every little gleam you keep in your eyes
You’ve waited in your faith you’ve dreamed your whole life
Let your soul begin to fly

Faith in the power to believe
He has given you a dream
Faith in the power to believe
Gotta have faith in the power to believe
He has given you a dream
Faith in the power

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Purpose Statement Revised Again... :)

“My purpose is to use my effervescence and people skills through writing, music, and personal relationships to guide, to inspire, and to lead others to realize their identity in Christ, to find their purpose, and to enter into the freedom of worshiping God in utter abandon.”

Always a work in progress!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

My dream

My dream... does it have to be singular? I have so many... .... All my songs recorded, by me, hearing myself on the radio, singing to thousands of people...
My books, written, published, taking pictures of them on random library shelves, sig...ning them alongside of those CD's I'm selling!
Getting my doctorate... yeah, I still dream about that... in developmental and positive psychology
Doing motivational/identity talks to thousands of people. People discovering who they are in Christ and finding freedom and realing the dream that God has placed inside them... becoming who God has made them to be.
Touring all over the place, traveling the world.
Coaching individuals to overcome obstacles and realize their big dreams!
the purpose (LEADING PEOPLE into a deep and real relational worship of God, Jesus, and the Spirit.. a place of utter abandon to the Saviour!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Is it passion or curiosity?

When I finished reading chapter 7 of Christian Coaching it got me thinking about passions. What am I passionate about? Is this life coaching thing another rabbit trail in my journey, or is it going to be something that ignites a flame inside me? It's somewhat hard to tell this early into it. Sometimes our passions are locked away deep inside waiting to be discovered! Right now, I think I'm curious. But I'm curious about a lot of things that I could never envision myself doing for the rest of my life. :)
There are things that I know about me: I KNOW I'm passionate about my music. I KNOW that I want a college degree, and I KNOW I love psychology and that I am enjoying this class leaps and bounds above the counseling classes. It's much more my thing than that was!
But after that it's kinda hazy....
Is it what I wanna do the rest of my life or what I can simply "see myself doing'?
Is it going to make me happy or leave me truly fulfilled?
Is it going to just suit my personality or is it going to place me into that perfect niche that God created me for?
Will I be living out my dreams?
Is it passion or curiosity?

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


I am not a nothing. I am not small, diminished and unimportant. That insignificant me died. Wanna know the really awesome thing about death? Resurrection! I am ALIVE! I died so that I can have a freaking awesome and amazing resurrected life with the glory of Christ glowing through all the uniqueness of my personality! Yeah. That's Christianity. Not me getting out of the way, but Christ creating a better me and living through me. Us together in living unity!

Romans 6:6 For if we have been planted together in the likeness
of his death, we shall be also in the likeness of his resurrection:

Romans 6:11 Likewise reckon ye also
yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through
Jesus Christ our Lord.

Colossians 2:12 Buried with him in baptism, wherein also ye are risen with him through the faith of the operation of God, who
hath raised him from the dead.

Colossians 3:1 If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God.

I am not waiting for resurrection, I am resurrected -- as Christ died, I died; as Christ resurrected, I resurrected. And this new life is supercharged! Look at Ephesians 2:

At salvation we were 'quickened' which means "made alive together."

At salvation we were 'raised up' to sit in heavenly places, which means "to raise up together from mortal death to a new and blessed life dedicated to God"

Interestingly, this Greek word (synegeirō) for 'raised up' is the same word used in Col 2:12 and 3:1, so it clearly refers to THE resurrection life.

Paul doesn't just say this is something we will have 'some day,' he makes it clear that it is a spiritual reality NOW. We are resurrected.

I am not only resurrected, I am a brand new creation.

II Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is
a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.

The old me died, I was resurrected as a new me with the life of Christ as my very breath. I think one of my favorite verses is Galatians 2:20 which says, "I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me."

Seriously, this whole life is no longer the old, insignificant, messed up me. It's the brand new, alive me. Paul says he is crucified, but he's ALIVE cuz JESUS is alive in him (It would be wrong to say "I no longer exist, because Paul clearly refutes that thought here, and that would leave us with a bunch of Christians with identical personalities, likes, dislikes, temperaments, etc. Kinda weird doctrine there!). So, I'm a brand new, God-creation and the alive thing about me is Jesus and the new-creation me.

OK, how do I say this clearly... All of my personality traits, my temperament, my gifts, talents, etc. Everything that makes me the person that God created me to be is now FREE to shine out PURELY and beautifully the way he intended, all to the glory of God! I can stop fretting about screwing up this Christian life, because he has taken care of it all! He has already made it so I can't screw it up. It's all him now. It's all him and the real me. The true me. The perfect awesome me. He has made me whole and new and amazing, and he did it all at the moment of salvation!


So why is it that as Christians we are constantly putting ourselves down and ragging on our imperfections? Why do we think God needs us out of the way so he can do his work? He chose us, he loves us, he indwells us, he recreated us in his image and we are no longer in that fallen mess that we used to be, we are perfected in Him, and we are ALIVE! Do you realize how empowering that is? God has made us "meet to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in light: (Col 1:12) and has reconciled us to himself in order "to present [us] holy and unblameable and unreproveable in his sight: (Col 1:22)"

Good stuff! We aren't nothing. Hear that voice in your head? Don't listen to it! Oh, and by the way... this is another blog entirely, but you weren't a nothing before salvation either. Everyone is significant. John 3:16 FOR GOD SO LOVED.... :)

Tweaking purpose statement...

This is definitely a work in progress :)

I am still not sure on the finished project, but here are some thoughts.

I have a great desire to lead others to discover their identity in Christ, to find their purpose, and to live their full potentials in the abundant life God desires for them.

Not exactly the same thing as counseling. Hmmm... Life coaching starts this week, it will be interesting to see if that fits into the picture!

Previously my purpose statement read like this:
"My purpose is to use my effervescence and people skills through writing, music, and personal relationships to counsel those who are in bondage and to lead them into the freedom of worshiping God in utter abandon."

Guess I need to drop the "to counsel those who are in bondage" I'll have to post a blog sometime on how God spoke to me on not being a Christian counselor. It was very definite.

Anyway, feel free to comment with suggestions!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

John Lynch

If you ever get a chance check out John Lynch's vlogs on youtube :) He's the author of Bo's Cafe and True Faced, both books on my MUST READ list. Although I haven't read the books, I have had opportunity to conference call with John Lynch and get to know him a bit on facebook and through his short messages online. I love Christ in John! His understanding of grace is fantastic. Here's his most recent upload:

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Why am I taking Life Coaching classes at Liberty this semester?

As I have mentioned here before, my passion is music. I write music, sing, play keyboard, etc. Of course, I blog and write books (none published yet! I have big dreams... :) But all with a focus on taking people out of bondage and bringing people into living the abundant life God created them to live so that they are free to worship God in utter abandon!

I have discovered that I do not want to counsel people so much as help them to find out what exactly God has made them to be.

Not many years ago I was ready to quit living because I didn't think that I had a 'purpose' for existing. God has showed me differently and I hope to bring this message to others!

Know what's crazy? When I decided to discontinue Christian counseling classes at Liberty, I said that I wished they offered Life Coaching. I thought that would fit me better. The next day I had an e-mail saying they would be offering life coaching classes for the first time this spring. Sounded like God to me! So I enrolled, of course! Who knows what God will do!

Saturday, January 1, 2011

2011 Abundant Life!!

Square peg fitting in a round hole for too long??? Make 2011 your year to discover God's marvelous abundant life for you!! Get outta there and find YOUR purpose. Yes, God has a place where you will thrive and fit in perfect fulfillment of your unique personality, temperament, gifts, and especially that inner hearts desire you have almost forgotten. (You're excited already, aren't you!!)