I've Moved
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Find my new blog here: https://www.1ofmystories.com/
Monday, October 5, 2009
I'm Forgiven by Sanctus Real
Amazing song! So true! Makes me cry and want to shout at the same time! Goosebumps!
Saturday, October 3, 2009
The Chastisement of our Peace
Isaiah 53:5 KJV
But he [was] wounded for our transgressions, [he was] bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace [was] upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.
Learned something for the first time at prayer meeting Thursday... As many times as I have read this verse, I never pondered the significance of the chastisement of our peace being upon Jesus. Sure, he shed his blood for our sins, and his body was beaten so that we could have physical healing, but what does it mean when it says the chastisement of our peace was upon him?
He not only died so that we could be redeemed, and so that we could have healing, but also so that we could have peace... not only peace with God, but peace of mind! He rebuked that which kept us from being at peace. In the Hebrew this word peace has many different meanings which I will list here:
But he [was] wounded for our transgressions, [he was] bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace [was] upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.
Learned something for the first time at prayer meeting Thursday... As many times as I have read this verse, I never pondered the significance of the chastisement of our peace being upon Jesus. Sure, he shed his blood for our sins, and his body was beaten so that we could have physical healing, but what does it mean when it says the chastisement of our peace was upon him?
He not only died so that we could be redeemed, and so that we could have healing, but also so that we could have peace... not only peace with God, but peace of mind! He rebuked that which kept us from being at peace. In the Hebrew this word peace has many different meanings which I will list here:
1) completeness, soundness, welfare, peace
a) completeness (in number)
b) safety, soundness (in body)
c) welfare, health, prosperity
d) peace, quiet, tranquillity, contentment
e) peace, friendship
1) of human relationships
2) with God especially in covenant relationship
f) peace (from war)
g) peace (as adjective)
It is interesting to me that completeness and soundness are the first two definitions listed. After we are saved we are given the mind of Christ! We are given the keys to freedom from the prison of anxieties, worries, stress, and all mental disorders! He has completed us in Christ and given us a sound mind! I wish I'd realized all this back when I was in therapy! I've always thought of peace in other aspects such as our restored relationship with the Father, our ability to get along with others, and the millennial kingdom when Jesus sits on the throne and the lion and the lamb lie together. Funny, I have talked of wanting some peace of mind, and even talked about renewing my mind in the Word... but never stopped to think that all of that is part of Christ's finished work on the cross! Maybe I'm the only one, but I thought I'd share that. I never connected those dots! How are we to be given the mind of Christ, how are we to have that sound mind absent of fear, how can we possibly renew our minds in the Word of God if Christ had not made a way for it?? All gifts that the Father gives are a result of the Son's death, burial and resurrection! WOW! Just gives me renewed faith to be healed of all this depression and mood swing junk I've dealt with for so long.
Spiritual Disorders Part 2
Ever been mountain climbing? Well, I haven't, but I've watched those national geographic shows about it. Imagine you are climbing Mt. Everest. You are making amazingly fast time and are set to make a world record for length of time to reach the peak. After scaling sheer cliffs, crossing vast glaciers, surviving avalanches and terrible weather, you reach a small boulder. "AAAAHH!" you shriek. "A boulder! I can't get over that boulder! I need to quit right now!! Time to turn back team. This obstacle is just too much for me. I'm done. I will never reach the top." That would be so silly, wouldn't it? I laugh to myself as I imaging the whole team descending the mountain over a rock when they had overcome much greater obstacles that that before. And yet....
How many times in my walk with Christ have I been scaling the heights in Him... flying high! I knew I was victorious, I knew things were going to be okay. The trial may have been enormous, but in Christ I was more than a conqueror! And then a small hurdle was placed in my way... "OH NO! God has forgotten me! How could he do that? We were doing so well... the end was in sight, and now this? How could he do this to me?" And in that instance like Peter the waves become greater than faith in the Saviour.
I call this Spiritual Attention Deficit Disorder. Satan LOVES to use this one. He realizes that our faith is strong, and he can't stop us by using that huge thing he places in our path; so he places tiny nuisances along the way. It's kinda like the straw that broke the camels back! Oh, how we get soooo focused on the little things! "I'm getting the victory! Oh... look! there's a puddle in my way!" And suddenly that 'puddle' becomes the most important thing in the world to you... until the next little thing, and the next little thing. And suddenly we melt in a pile of anxiety and worry and depression because we are completely unable to stay focused on what the battle really is about!
My most recent SADD moment (Lol! sadd!) began last week. I have terribly weak ankles due to bad bone structure. Every time I gain weight from a pregnancy they get worse. After having Meagan in July, they reached a pain level I have never experienced before. I felt like I was walking on tooth picks. SCARY! I worried that I would drop Baby Megs at any moment. On top of all this, my insurance ran out. Both ankles needed surgery, and that's a total of 6 months recovery time. Impossible with 3 kids and a husband working, besides the fact that there is no way we could ever afford it. Our new church has healing prayer on Thursday nights, and I got to thinking that it wouldn't hurt anything to ask God to heal them.... why not? So I went (Aug 24). I was prayed over. God brought to light some things I needed to deal with in order to receive healing, and the elders prayed for that too. (another story!) I left that service on cloud 9! My ankles still hurt, but I KNEW God was doing something. Friday and Saturday were amazing days. My faith was soo strong. I was going about my day with so much joy that I hardly even noticed my ankle pain. Then Sunday came... that afternoon we were going to the mall, but the boys wanted to go to the park. Everybody changed plans on me. I was ticked. I grudgingly went along with them, but I wasn't going to like it! They played for a while, and I persuaded Chris to take us to the mall... only to remember that they close early on Sundays. Now I was ANGRY! The only thing I wanted to do that day and I didn't get to. I was so focused on this little thing that I remembered how bad my ankle pain was. I started to doubt what God was doing in my life, and I let my attitude show it. I realized what was going on that evening and renewed my faith in our evening devotional time.
So... now I'm on track, right? Not for long... I had a repeat of this on Tuesday because I had a long wait at an appointment. (It sure doesn't take much for me to lose focus on Jesus! lol) That was easily overcome with a trip to the mall, a Starbucks caramel frappuccino, iced lemon pound cake, and an apology to God and my husband (who I had hung up on several times that morning in frustration!), but it could have been avoided.
Backing up a bit, I have had a cold for the last three weeks or so... nothing too bad, just irritating. I woke up at around 2 o'clock in the morning Thursday (Oct. 1) and that cold had changed to bronchitis. YUCK! I knew the only way to beat it was antibiotics, but I no longer had insurance. I moped all day. My ankles killed me, I was depressed, I was upset. If God couldn't keep me well, how could he heal my ankles? I heard this voice in my head saying that the bronchitis was an obstacle Satan was throwing at me to try to steal my faith, but I ignored it. I made a choice NOT to go to prayer meeting that night. I was just going to go to bed and take care of myself since God couldn't.
Long story short, I ended up at prayer meeting.... and they prayed for me again. As one of the elders prayed for my ankles he looked up at me and said, "God wants you to know that this bronchitis is an attack of Satan trying to sidetrack you from what God is doing in you." WOW! funny... I guess I should have listened to that voice earlier in the day! They prayed for the bronchitis to leave me, and I left that meeting with my joy restored! The awesome thing in this is Friday morning I woke up and the bronchitis was GONE! I can breathe normally again! I have some residual coughing and runny nose, but it's all loose. I've never gotten better from bronchitis without meds! And that quickly?! God is good!
So, what in the world is wrong with me? God is faithful! Christ himself lives in me, and it should be soooo easy to focus on him 100% of the time! Shouldn't it? Why do all these little obstacles so quickly steal my undivided attention?
I am reminded of my conversation with Jessica the other day.... It's gaps in my conscious. My heart and head KNOW who I am in Christ, that my faith comes from Christ, that my victory comes from Christ, that all that I am comes from Christ... but sometimes my mind plays tricks on me. There are these little places in my mind that still have that old programming. Those little 'gaps' think that my faith is from me, that victory is up to me, and that I have to figure things out for myself. WRONGO! But those are the places Satan most likes to attack! He knows my weaknesses. All he has to do is figure out those areas and throw something in my path, and BAM! I forget the way of grace and walk in disgrace! As I said yesterday in Part 1, the only way to fix this is renewing my mind in the Word, reminding myself of my spiritual REALITY, and claiming authority over Satan. He has no business messing with a child of God! And I will be able to quench all his fiery darts in Jesus Christ as I immerse myself in his Word.
:) Here's to victory over Spiritual ADD!!!
How many times in my walk with Christ have I been scaling the heights in Him... flying high! I knew I was victorious, I knew things were going to be okay. The trial may have been enormous, but in Christ I was more than a conqueror! And then a small hurdle was placed in my way... "OH NO! God has forgotten me! How could he do that? We were doing so well... the end was in sight, and now this? How could he do this to me?" And in that instance like Peter the waves become greater than faith in the Saviour.
I call this Spiritual Attention Deficit Disorder. Satan LOVES to use this one. He realizes that our faith is strong, and he can't stop us by using that huge thing he places in our path; so he places tiny nuisances along the way. It's kinda like the straw that broke the camels back! Oh, how we get soooo focused on the little things! "I'm getting the victory! Oh... look! there's a puddle in my way!" And suddenly that 'puddle' becomes the most important thing in the world to you... until the next little thing, and the next little thing. And suddenly we melt in a pile of anxiety and worry and depression because we are completely unable to stay focused on what the battle really is about!
My most recent SADD moment (Lol! sadd!) began last week. I have terribly weak ankles due to bad bone structure. Every time I gain weight from a pregnancy they get worse. After having Meagan in July, they reached a pain level I have never experienced before. I felt like I was walking on tooth picks. SCARY! I worried that I would drop Baby Megs at any moment. On top of all this, my insurance ran out. Both ankles needed surgery, and that's a total of 6 months recovery time. Impossible with 3 kids and a husband working, besides the fact that there is no way we could ever afford it. Our new church has healing prayer on Thursday nights, and I got to thinking that it wouldn't hurt anything to ask God to heal them.... why not? So I went (Aug 24). I was prayed over. God brought to light some things I needed to deal with in order to receive healing, and the elders prayed for that too. (another story!) I left that service on cloud 9! My ankles still hurt, but I KNEW God was doing something. Friday and Saturday were amazing days. My faith was soo strong. I was going about my day with so much joy that I hardly even noticed my ankle pain. Then Sunday came... that afternoon we were going to the mall, but the boys wanted to go to the park. Everybody changed plans on me. I was ticked. I grudgingly went along with them, but I wasn't going to like it! They played for a while, and I persuaded Chris to take us to the mall... only to remember that they close early on Sundays. Now I was ANGRY! The only thing I wanted to do that day and I didn't get to. I was so focused on this little thing that I remembered how bad my ankle pain was. I started to doubt what God was doing in my life, and I let my attitude show it. I realized what was going on that evening and renewed my faith in our evening devotional time.
So... now I'm on track, right? Not for long... I had a repeat of this on Tuesday because I had a long wait at an appointment. (It sure doesn't take much for me to lose focus on Jesus! lol) That was easily overcome with a trip to the mall, a Starbucks caramel frappuccino, iced lemon pound cake, and an apology to God and my husband (who I had hung up on several times that morning in frustration!), but it could have been avoided.
Backing up a bit, I have had a cold for the last three weeks or so... nothing too bad, just irritating. I woke up at around 2 o'clock in the morning Thursday (Oct. 1) and that cold had changed to bronchitis. YUCK! I knew the only way to beat it was antibiotics, but I no longer had insurance. I moped all day. My ankles killed me, I was depressed, I was upset. If God couldn't keep me well, how could he heal my ankles? I heard this voice in my head saying that the bronchitis was an obstacle Satan was throwing at me to try to steal my faith, but I ignored it. I made a choice NOT to go to prayer meeting that night. I was just going to go to bed and take care of myself since God couldn't.
Long story short, I ended up at prayer meeting.... and they prayed for me again. As one of the elders prayed for my ankles he looked up at me and said, "God wants you to know that this bronchitis is an attack of Satan trying to sidetrack you from what God is doing in you." WOW! funny... I guess I should have listened to that voice earlier in the day! They prayed for the bronchitis to leave me, and I left that meeting with my joy restored! The awesome thing in this is Friday morning I woke up and the bronchitis was GONE! I can breathe normally again! I have some residual coughing and runny nose, but it's all loose. I've never gotten better from bronchitis without meds! And that quickly?! God is good!
So, what in the world is wrong with me? God is faithful! Christ himself lives in me, and it should be soooo easy to focus on him 100% of the time! Shouldn't it? Why do all these little obstacles so quickly steal my undivided attention?
I am reminded of my conversation with Jessica the other day.... It's gaps in my conscious. My heart and head KNOW who I am in Christ, that my faith comes from Christ, that my victory comes from Christ, that all that I am comes from Christ... but sometimes my mind plays tricks on me. There are these little places in my mind that still have that old programming. Those little 'gaps' think that my faith is from me, that victory is up to me, and that I have to figure things out for myself. WRONGO! But those are the places Satan most likes to attack! He knows my weaknesses. All he has to do is figure out those areas and throw something in my path, and BAM! I forget the way of grace and walk in disgrace! As I said yesterday in Part 1, the only way to fix this is renewing my mind in the Word, reminding myself of my spiritual REALITY, and claiming authority over Satan. He has no business messing with a child of God! And I will be able to quench all his fiery darts in Jesus Christ as I immerse myself in his Word.
:) Here's to victory over Spiritual ADD!!!
Friday, October 2, 2009
Spiritual Disorders, Part 1
The other day I was talking to Jessica and said that I should change my facebook status to 'spiritually bipolar.' I was joking, of course... and yet... Why is it that I can have this super duper amazing spiritual high and then the very next day, or sometimes even hours later, I can be down in the spiritual dregs, moping and griping about God? It's crazy. It's insane! It's Spiritual Bipolar Disorder!
What exactly is Spiritual Bipolar Disorder? Well, it's kinda like this... I am saved by grace! I have a new nature! My old yucky grouchy self is dead, and a new Jesus self has been placed in me. I am righteous before God, and as such have victory all the time! But I live in the world... I have memories and habits of that wretched person that I used to be. I still sometimes view God through the lenses of my past. The problem? That me I remember no longer exists. I know that God isn't the big scary guy waiting to punish me and laugh at me every time I screw up. But sometimes my physical reality doesn't seem to mesh with my BIG 'R' spiritual REALITY. So, sometimes I am WAY up because I am focused on exactly how awesome and spectacular Jesus is and how amazing and spectacular I am as a result of what he has done in me, but sometimes I drop my eyes down here and listen to that little voice that says I'm scum, abundant life is a giant scam, there will never be victory over the trials, there are WAY TOO MANY trials, and I will never amount to anything spiritually.
That nasty little voice in my head is a LIAR! Jesus doesn't think those thoughts about my life; his thoughts are good thoughts! His thoughts are leading me to a beautiful place! His thoughts are making me into the image of himself! No, these thoughts are the whispers of Satan, who would have me to forget who I am in Christ and remember who I was before salvation. He wants me to FAIL. He can't take my salvation, but he can steal my joy, my victory, and do his darndest to steal my identity.
That's where the spiritual bipolar comes in... there are days when I am so confident in my identity in Christ that nothing can stop me!!! I am flying high in Christ and everyone's going to hear about it! Then there are days when it seems to me that I hit the ground with a giant thud like Wile Coyote and I will never find my way out of the hole that I've made for myself. Instead of jumping up and brushing off the dust, laughing at Satan's attempts and taking off again, I linger on my seeming failure. I get sad. I get grumpy. I get angry. I blame God. I have a giant pity party. I whine to everyone I can think of. WRONG MOVE! In Christ I cannot fall, I cannot fail! In Christ all is well! As the song writer said, It is well with my soul! There is 100% victory in Christ Jesus! There is no reason for this spiritual bipolar disorder to control my life! I am FREE!
What then is the cure for this? Well, first off I must submerge myself in the truths of WHO I AM! Who I REALLY am!
I am a daughter of the King! I am blameless, beautiful and spotless in the eyes of God... Full of HIS righteousness! I am bought with a price far greater than any price ever paid, as I am viewed as the most precious of jewels by my Saviour! I have been chosen to be the bride of the very Son of God, and He delights in me with joy and singing! I am loved, cherished, and treasured by my Jesus! ♥
Going hand in hand with this first step is renewing my mind in the Word. Day by day as I fill myself up with God-thoughts I will gradually find that my old life is forgotten - erased from my mind - those old habits have faded away. Finally I must exercise my authority over Satan and tell him to get out!!! Tell him his lies have no power here! Nothing that he whispers to me can EVER change what Christ has done in me! No fake physical reality that he flashes before my eyes can change what I am and where I am! I am seated in heavenly places in Christ Jesus, and nothing or nobody can pull me down! It's done! Finished!
Will I ever be 100% free of spiritual bipolar disorder? In Christ, I believe it will happen one day!!! Maybe I will never see it on earth, but the day that Christ comes to take me home I will be transformed in an instant to that body that has absolutely NO traces of memories, habits and crud that have been picked up on this earth! I will spend eternity basking in Jesus and who he has made me to be!
What exactly is Spiritual Bipolar Disorder? Well, it's kinda like this... I am saved by grace! I have a new nature! My old yucky grouchy self is dead, and a new Jesus self has been placed in me. I am righteous before God, and as such have victory all the time! But I live in the world... I have memories and habits of that wretched person that I used to be. I still sometimes view God through the lenses of my past. The problem? That me I remember no longer exists. I know that God isn't the big scary guy waiting to punish me and laugh at me every time I screw up. But sometimes my physical reality doesn't seem to mesh with my BIG 'R' spiritual REALITY. So, sometimes I am WAY up because I am focused on exactly how awesome and spectacular Jesus is and how amazing and spectacular I am as a result of what he has done in me, but sometimes I drop my eyes down here and listen to that little voice that says I'm scum, abundant life is a giant scam, there will never be victory over the trials, there are WAY TOO MANY trials, and I will never amount to anything spiritually.
That nasty little voice in my head is a LIAR! Jesus doesn't think those thoughts about my life; his thoughts are good thoughts! His thoughts are leading me to a beautiful place! His thoughts are making me into the image of himself! No, these thoughts are the whispers of Satan, who would have me to forget who I am in Christ and remember who I was before salvation. He wants me to FAIL. He can't take my salvation, but he can steal my joy, my victory, and do his darndest to steal my identity.
That's where the spiritual bipolar comes in... there are days when I am so confident in my identity in Christ that nothing can stop me!!! I am flying high in Christ and everyone's going to hear about it! Then there are days when it seems to me that I hit the ground with a giant thud like Wile Coyote and I will never find my way out of the hole that I've made for myself. Instead of jumping up and brushing off the dust, laughing at Satan's attempts and taking off again, I linger on my seeming failure. I get sad. I get grumpy. I get angry. I blame God. I have a giant pity party. I whine to everyone I can think of. WRONG MOVE! In Christ I cannot fall, I cannot fail! In Christ all is well! As the song writer said, It is well with my soul! There is 100% victory in Christ Jesus! There is no reason for this spiritual bipolar disorder to control my life! I am FREE!
What then is the cure for this? Well, first off I must submerge myself in the truths of WHO I AM! Who I REALLY am!
I am a daughter of the King! I am blameless, beautiful and spotless in the eyes of God... Full of HIS righteousness! I am bought with a price far greater than any price ever paid, as I am viewed as the most precious of jewels by my Saviour! I have been chosen to be the bride of the very Son of God, and He delights in me with joy and singing! I am loved, cherished, and treasured by my Jesus! ♥
Going hand in hand with this first step is renewing my mind in the Word. Day by day as I fill myself up with God-thoughts I will gradually find that my old life is forgotten - erased from my mind - those old habits have faded away. Finally I must exercise my authority over Satan and tell him to get out!!! Tell him his lies have no power here! Nothing that he whispers to me can EVER change what Christ has done in me! No fake physical reality that he flashes before my eyes can change what I am and where I am! I am seated in heavenly places in Christ Jesus, and nothing or nobody can pull me down! It's done! Finished!
Will I ever be 100% free of spiritual bipolar disorder? In Christ, I believe it will happen one day!!! Maybe I will never see it on earth, but the day that Christ comes to take me home I will be transformed in an instant to that body that has absolutely NO traces of memories, habits and crud that have been picked up on this earth! I will spend eternity basking in Jesus and who he has made me to be!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
In a Place I Never Expected!
So, here we are in Westerville, OH. WOW! I really had begun to believe we were going to live in Northeast Ohio forever! I was planning on raising my kids there... watching them get married there... Funny how the second you accept your life the way it is, God reaches down and mixes things up!
So, we get the call from James asking Chris to come work for him. He had asked before, but it had never felt right; never had that God touch on it. This time both of us just KNEW! Of course we prayed about it a bit, spoke to some of our most trusted spiritual counselors... but we knew what the decision was going to be.
It was a quick move! God's hand was all over it in every detail, even in finding the apartment. I had this whole list of places to check out, and none of them were working. Then one apartment manager sat down with us and gave us the lay of the land! She directed us to Lake Forest Apts, which was not on my list due to price. We felt it was of God and came here and ended up with an apartment! They worked with us, James gave us the raise we needed to pay for it, and BAM we had a place to live!
Living in Westerville... It's amazing! I love it here. There are so many things to do, so many conveniences close by. I think it will be awhile before boredom sets in! LOL We are close to Easton Mall, Polaris Mall, and hundreds of little plazas. Right across the street is a Krogers; it's close enough to walk to!! I can't believe how many parks there are around here! We've visited a handful of them, and they are all fantastic! The kids favorite is Huber Village Park which is like a giant castle! We also enjoy going to the Hoover Dam. Of course, now that bad weather is on it's way, there is always the Zoo Park at Polaris Mall; another kid favorite!
This doesn't even touch all the things to do in downtown Columbus. We have already been to the museum of art, but still need to check out Cosi and the Columbus Zoo. Aidan and Evan keep reminding me that I told them there is a zoo here... "Mommy, where is the zoo? I haven't seen the zoo yet. When are we going to the zoo?"
God directed us to an awesome church down here! It's Heritage Chrisitian Church. www.heritagecc.org He's speaking to us every service! They have 4 weekend services, and we like to go to the 5:00 Saturday service before they've 'practiced' a bunch of times! LOL We also went to their healing prayer service last Thursday. AWESOME! We'd like to make it a weekly thing. It's not a kooky freaky thing... just the elders of the church practicing and believing James 5! ;) The Holy Spirit Power is amazing!
Well, I could go on and on and on... but I just want to say that I am SOO thankful that God directed us here. It's the best thing that ever happened to us. We are growing closer and closer as husband and wife, and as a family. We only have each other right now, and each other is our number one priority! We are also drawing closer to God in this. He knew just what he was doing, for sure!
Oh, and of course college is on hold right now! We took the step of obedience in enrolling, and God then decided to show us what he wanted us to do! We will most likely enroll somewhere down here next fall, once we are really settled in and adjusted. Unless God chooses to do something else!
So, we get the call from James asking Chris to come work for him. He had asked before, but it had never felt right; never had that God touch on it. This time both of us just KNEW! Of course we prayed about it a bit, spoke to some of our most trusted spiritual counselors... but we knew what the decision was going to be.
It was a quick move! God's hand was all over it in every detail, even in finding the apartment. I had this whole list of places to check out, and none of them were working. Then one apartment manager sat down with us and gave us the lay of the land! She directed us to Lake Forest Apts, which was not on my list due to price. We felt it was of God and came here and ended up with an apartment! They worked with us, James gave us the raise we needed to pay for it, and BAM we had a place to live!
Living in Westerville... It's amazing! I love it here. There are so many things to do, so many conveniences close by. I think it will be awhile before boredom sets in! LOL We are close to Easton Mall, Polaris Mall, and hundreds of little plazas. Right across the street is a Krogers; it's close enough to walk to!! I can't believe how many parks there are around here! We've visited a handful of them, and they are all fantastic! The kids favorite is Huber Village Park which is like a giant castle! We also enjoy going to the Hoover Dam. Of course, now that bad weather is on it's way, there is always the Zoo Park at Polaris Mall; another kid favorite!
This doesn't even touch all the things to do in downtown Columbus. We have already been to the museum of art, but still need to check out Cosi and the Columbus Zoo. Aidan and Evan keep reminding me that I told them there is a zoo here... "Mommy, where is the zoo? I haven't seen the zoo yet. When are we going to the zoo?"
God directed us to an awesome church down here! It's Heritage Chrisitian Church. www.heritagecc.org He's speaking to us every service! They have 4 weekend services, and we like to go to the 5:00 Saturday service before they've 'practiced' a bunch of times! LOL We also went to their healing prayer service last Thursday. AWESOME! We'd like to make it a weekly thing. It's not a kooky freaky thing... just the elders of the church practicing and believing James 5! ;) The Holy Spirit Power is amazing!
Well, I could go on and on and on... but I just want to say that I am SOO thankful that God directed us here. It's the best thing that ever happened to us. We are growing closer and closer as husband and wife, and as a family. We only have each other right now, and each other is our number one priority! We are also drawing closer to God in this. He knew just what he was doing, for sure!
Oh, and of course college is on hold right now! We took the step of obedience in enrolling, and God then decided to show us what he wanted us to do! We will most likely enroll somewhere down here next fall, once we are really settled in and adjusted. Unless God chooses to do something else!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Stuck in the hospital...
Well, all it takes is a good hospital stay to get this woman writing again! LOL
I'm 33 weeks pregnant, and baby Meagan wants to pop out already... Sigh. So I'm in here on magnesium wishing that I was home.
But since I'm here, I'll catch you up on my life a bit.
It's pretty much been the same old stuff lately, other than the pregnancy... Yay! a girl! :)
The biggest news is that I have enrolled in Akron U for music composition and psychology... Chris is going back for psychology too. Going to be a busy fall! Two of us in college, a new baby and Aidan starting kindergarten! Crazy life!!
I'd love to give you a long spiritual discussion or insight... etc. as I'm want to do, however the mag. has my mind totally blurred out. :)
LATER
I'm 33 weeks pregnant, and baby Meagan wants to pop out already... Sigh. So I'm in here on magnesium wishing that I was home.
But since I'm here, I'll catch you up on my life a bit.
It's pretty much been the same old stuff lately, other than the pregnancy... Yay! a girl! :)
The biggest news is that I have enrolled in Akron U for music composition and psychology... Chris is going back for psychology too. Going to be a busy fall! Two of us in college, a new baby and Aidan starting kindergarten! Crazy life!!
I'd love to give you a long spiritual discussion or insight... etc. as I'm want to do, however the mag. has my mind totally blurred out. :)
LATER
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
I've found it... Or perhaps it found me.
Sometimes God smacks you in the head with the thing you've been searching for, and then you realize that you've actually known it all along... Yeah, about that.
Sigh.
I've made this all very hard on myself.
To the point of driving my self, my family, my friends, and even the whole world crazy with my searching for purpose. I quit writing on here for a while, because honestly, I felt like I was just spinning in circles with no end in sight. I pretty much gave up.
Funny, I've heard people say that when you stop searching, you find your answer, and it must be true.
I believed with all my heart that there was something for me, but it was just too hard to find.
Then on September 27th we had the privilege to go to a Michelle Tumes concert. Totally amazing! My friend Gail won tickets, and my husband and I were the lucky two that went with her and Tim.
Sitting there listening to her from the third row back right (I had an amazing view of her at the grand piano!) I was overcome by this emotion I couldn't put my finger on, but somehow I couldn't fully enjoy the concert. Oh, I loved the music, but something was wrong. Then it hit me. I wanted to BE her. I wanted to do what she was doing. I thought to myself.... "Is singing in front of people really my purpose?" Hmmm.... I tried to ignore the feeling, but couldn't quite shake it. Then she said something that pierced my heart. She said that she used to be too shy to get up in front of all those people and share the songs that she had written, but God told her that he didn't give them to her for her to keep, but to give away. So she started to sing them for others. Wow. I was like so convicted. Chris even knew it and looked at me.
I've been writing songs off and on since I was 17, nothing extremely spectacular I suppose, but a few good ones. In fact a couple from last year/early this year were pretty good. Problem though... I'm terrified to sing them to anyone. I'm scared of what they'll think. Don't want to hear the criticism that I'm sure will follow, etc. I'll sometimes sing them to Chris, but if I get the feeling he doesn't like it, I completely shut down. (he doesn't get blank verse poetry, so often it stops right there... I write a lot of blank verse!) I figure if my own husband doesn't like it, nobody will. That doesn't factor in that he knows nothing about music... and perhaps just doesn't like the style and that somebody else might. I just keep it all to myself. I know that God gave them to me, but....
I couldn't stop thinking about this. Several days went by. Michelle Tumes songs were in my head at night, in the morning, while I was working, just ALL the time!! Finally, I sat down at the piano and started to play, and ended up rewriting a song that I had written before and it came out absolutely fantastic! Stranger still Chris actually loved it! He cried! The next day with another Michelle Tumes melody in my head I sat down to play it, and ended up playing something totally different and unique. It turned into a brand new song. It made me cry. Since then I've written 3 more new ones, one of which still needs some work, and I'm tweaking a couple old ones, as well as working on melodies for a couple of love poems I wrote when I was a teenager.
I told Chris after that first song that I finally knew my purpose. It's to do what Michelle Tumes does.... The Rebecca Dennison way, of course! I'm supposed to write music, sing and play, perform, basically do the thing that makes me the most fulfilled!
Here I was trying to figure out how to choose between the gift of writing and the gift of music, when I can have my cake and eat it too!!!!
Another funny thing.... I've always heard the full orchestra accompanying me when I played the piano... even when I was a beginner. And no I wasn't crazy, I just knew they should be there filling in the gaps... making the music beautiful, passionate, amazing! Oh my! I couldn't believe it when it hit me... Michelle Tumes uses an orchestra.... That's what I'm supposed to do... My music is supposed to be fully orchestrated! Isn't that crazy? From a kid I've somehow known that!
Chris said that when he heard me play my song Arms of Love he heard the orchestra. Yay! Success! Someone else heard it! Of course there are a few songs that are more keys/drums/guitar, or just piano style.
Anyway, I'm just super excited skipping on clouds! Thanks Jesus for telling me something I should have known already! As many times as I've written a song, and felt so elated afterward... why didn't I figure this out? As much as I love to play the keys in the band... as much as I love to sing in the worship team... how did I not just KNOW?
So, I'm trying to get financial aid to go to Akron U for music composition. I figure that would be of the best help for me. I'll learn how to write all that orchestration stuff. ;0) Plus brush up on piano and vocals while I'm at it.
Yay!
Sigh.
I've made this all very hard on myself.
To the point of driving my self, my family, my friends, and even the whole world crazy with my searching for purpose. I quit writing on here for a while, because honestly, I felt like I was just spinning in circles with no end in sight. I pretty much gave up.
Funny, I've heard people say that when you stop searching, you find your answer, and it must be true.
I believed with all my heart that there was something for me, but it was just too hard to find.
Then on September 27th we had the privilege to go to a Michelle Tumes concert. Totally amazing! My friend Gail won tickets, and my husband and I were the lucky two that went with her and Tim.
Sitting there listening to her from the third row back right (I had an amazing view of her at the grand piano!) I was overcome by this emotion I couldn't put my finger on, but somehow I couldn't fully enjoy the concert. Oh, I loved the music, but something was wrong. Then it hit me. I wanted to BE her. I wanted to do what she was doing. I thought to myself.... "Is singing in front of people really my purpose?" Hmmm.... I tried to ignore the feeling, but couldn't quite shake it. Then she said something that pierced my heart. She said that she used to be too shy to get up in front of all those people and share the songs that she had written, but God told her that he didn't give them to her for her to keep, but to give away. So she started to sing them for others. Wow. I was like so convicted. Chris even knew it and looked at me.
I've been writing songs off and on since I was 17, nothing extremely spectacular I suppose, but a few good ones. In fact a couple from last year/early this year were pretty good. Problem though... I'm terrified to sing them to anyone. I'm scared of what they'll think. Don't want to hear the criticism that I'm sure will follow, etc. I'll sometimes sing them to Chris, but if I get the feeling he doesn't like it, I completely shut down. (he doesn't get blank verse poetry, so often it stops right there... I write a lot of blank verse!) I figure if my own husband doesn't like it, nobody will. That doesn't factor in that he knows nothing about music... and perhaps just doesn't like the style and that somebody else might. I just keep it all to myself. I know that God gave them to me, but....
I couldn't stop thinking about this. Several days went by. Michelle Tumes songs were in my head at night, in the morning, while I was working, just ALL the time!! Finally, I sat down at the piano and started to play, and ended up rewriting a song that I had written before and it came out absolutely fantastic! Stranger still Chris actually loved it! He cried! The next day with another Michelle Tumes melody in my head I sat down to play it, and ended up playing something totally different and unique. It turned into a brand new song. It made me cry. Since then I've written 3 more new ones, one of which still needs some work, and I'm tweaking a couple old ones, as well as working on melodies for a couple of love poems I wrote when I was a teenager.
I told Chris after that first song that I finally knew my purpose. It's to do what Michelle Tumes does.... The Rebecca Dennison way, of course! I'm supposed to write music, sing and play, perform, basically do the thing that makes me the most fulfilled!
Here I was trying to figure out how to choose between the gift of writing and the gift of music, when I can have my cake and eat it too!!!!
Another funny thing.... I've always heard the full orchestra accompanying me when I played the piano... even when I was a beginner. And no I wasn't crazy, I just knew they should be there filling in the gaps... making the music beautiful, passionate, amazing! Oh my! I couldn't believe it when it hit me... Michelle Tumes uses an orchestra.... That's what I'm supposed to do... My music is supposed to be fully orchestrated! Isn't that crazy? From a kid I've somehow known that!
Chris said that when he heard me play my song Arms of Love he heard the orchestra. Yay! Success! Someone else heard it! Of course there are a few songs that are more keys/drums/guitar, or just piano style.
Anyway, I'm just super excited skipping on clouds! Thanks Jesus for telling me something I should have known already! As many times as I've written a song, and felt so elated afterward... why didn't I figure this out? As much as I love to play the keys in the band... as much as I love to sing in the worship team... how did I not just KNOW?
So, I'm trying to get financial aid to go to Akron U for music composition. I figure that would be of the best help for me. I'll learn how to write all that orchestration stuff. ;0) Plus brush up on piano and vocals while I'm at it.
Yay!
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