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Glorious Bride

One of the amazing themes of my life in Christ has been about his bride. I have much that I could write about that. This past Sunday was a profound addition to my bride moments. :) So, I have recently been attending a Methodist church.. yes, I have much to catch you all up on, don't I?

That can be another blog. For now, suffice it say that it surprises even me that I am there and I'm there because Jesus is leading me there. :)

In Sunday's service, near closing, the Pastor said something to the effect of the church being the bride of Christ. He was referring of course to the local aspect of the bride, being that particular church. In my head, almost audibly it was so very, very clear, came the words:

 "It's a glorious church, without spot or wrinkle."

 I paused. Tears filled my eyes and it was all I could do not to weep right there in front of all who would care to witness. Why would such words affect me in this manner? They were referencing Ephesians 5:27, "That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish." A verse that I have known well, a verse that I was raised believing that it applied only to the Baptist church. A verse that I have learned (again referencing many of my bride moments through the years) applies much more broadly to the church at large, to all the saved who have ever been, to the Old Testament saints, to ME. Why should I be crying at the thought of this church, this particular church being a church like this? Why?

Because the Holy Spirit touched a nerve. He touched a deep nerve. He found a place that I have been mocking, a place where I have still felt myself to be better than others. He found that I have been standing apart from a group of Christians and saying of them, "You are caught up in liturgy, traditions, and religion, you are not worthy to fellowship with me. I am above you." I who have received grace, who understand freedom and liberty am better.  

I who have felt deep pain because others have judged me... I turned my condemning eye on a group of Christians simply because of their label.

And what does that make of me? Just as guilty of being religious. Turning my grace and identity into a religion. And Jesus says, this is my bride. They too are accepted in the beloved. They too are perfect, loved, and righteous. His eyes are not focused entirely upon the religious trappings but upon their heart before him.

 And I silently cried realizing that IDENTITY is not affected by ACTIONS. The bride is the bride. And in this case, I have seen a church of people who are hungering for growth, a leader who is seeking the lost of his community, youth who have been involved in world missions, young adults who want to build real relationships, and worship that was Spirit filled. I felt a wall crumbling. A wall that I had built between myself and God's people.

I remembered the way I have mocked a dear friend who is working to become a Methodist minister and I wish to beg his forgiveness. I wish to ask forgiveness from many people that I have unknowingly offended. I was blind to this aspect.

I am still me with the same passions and the same heart to free those who are missing relationship with Jesus because they are focused upon the trappings of religion. But I am realizing that I can find people who are free and people who are in bonds everywhere irregardless to labels and denominations. Even those who believe they are free still find bits of chains for the Spirit to remove here and there. I know that I feel freer today than I did a few days ago. Freer to love and serve in capacities that I thought were closed to me.

My desire ~ What I want

What do I want? I desire to be that person who is embraced and ravished by the sun rather than irritated by it's scorching presence. I want to be the one who stretches out her arms and invites the gentle rain to saturate her entire being rather than muttering course words as each water droplet leaves it's mark. Storms? What are they but an accompaniment to my heart's pounding soliloquy? Wind is but the blowing of my soul pulling me to the next destination in my journey. "No grievance with the day" would be the motto here. Yes, even wintry blizzards in their harsh extremes would stir the upward motion of my lips into the greatest of delighted looks. Do I mean Content? Is that enough? Merely content? Not I! To content, add thankful, grateful, happy, blessed! And seeking still beyond for life abundant, life so free. Freedom to laugh in the face of fate whatever that might be simply for enjoyment and pleasure. Yes, That is what I desire. To taste everything, and to share it. To share it with all who do not know how. To the one who cowers from the sun, to the one who shrinks from the rain, to the one who fears the storm and shivers in the blizzards, to YOU, I wish to share my freedom and joy and gratefulness in life. This I desire. Passion... yes, passion too. Passion for HIM, for the reason for my existence. And I share his passion, to set captives free. Freedom is my passion. Freedom above all else. It is for these freed ones who do not know they are free that I am so emblazoned. Yes! Galatians 5:1 is my cry and I feel it deeply. I see the chains as if they were real, I hear the clinking. The yoke of bondage of which Paul speaks has a hold of so many, so many. And it is then that I allow myself to grieve. It is then that I weep. I, the one who is content, thankful, happy, blessed, free, who is ever longing to be at utter abandon at my Lover's feet and not concerned with the doubts and worries of life, WEEP. It is then that I realize that I my path is not one of flippant disregard of all things.. it is a path of deepest regard. There are those who may not think so (Even I, myself, have not thought so!), but I care more deeply than most. I love more deeply. I share His heart. For in enjoying creation I have developed a love for it. A love for his people. Freedom brings with it a price, a price of being willing to lay down one's life to give it to others. Ahhh, that word... surrender... it again finds me. And here I am with the striking awareness that my future will not be exactly as I thought. It will not be exactly as others thought. It will not necessarily be easy, and it will not always be pretty. It will be my hearts desire, it will be my passion, and that is what matters above all. It will be following that inner voice whom I love more dearly than anything in the world, and He is above all voices. And I am fairly sure that it will be the hardest thing I've ever done. Yes. I will be my own worst enemy in this. And I can already number my enemies before I begin. I am scared. But I can count my supporters. And I know what I desire. I know who I desire to be. And I know WHOM I desire. What else matters? When it comes down to it, I have a choice and I can choose anything. I AM FREE! But which choice will bring me closer to the woman I wish to see in the mirror at the end of the day? Ahh, this is the question. And so I am excited. An adventure awaits. How it will be accomplished, I do not know. It is a journey and I will be swept along in this chapter just as the last!

Loved with an amazing love

In constant flux.. ever changing, growing, becoming, discovering. Fearless! Yet filled with trepidation. Anticipating! Yet hanging back in the shadows doubting... The voices in my head fighting for attention, "Go this way and that way!", pointing their fingers and shaking them when they disapprove. Smiling and nodding when they are proud. And then there is Your voice and it is STUNNING. I am locked in your gaze. I can't believe your words, or can I? They come when I most need them as you say that I am PERFECT and beautiful. And exactly as you DESIRE me to be. You breathe the words in a way that I cannot deny them even if I try.... fear fades away. The doubt fades away. In those moments I am as one chained, enslaved to you, your words mean all and all others pale in comparison. I am loved and that is all that matters! Then glancing at my feet I realize I am still as free as I always was. One look into your loving eyes confirms it. WOW. What is a girl to do when lavished with such love and trust? Fly, that's what! Fly back out and conquer it all with his words propelling me onward!

Jaded, Doubting, Uncertain... Yet He is there

And He SHINES on me. He warms me. He awes me. The tears come to my eyes and I try to hold them back.. I won't weep, I refuse to weep when I am this angry, this hurt, this betrayed. And yet... He is there. He is patient. Ever reminding me in little ways and big ways of his ardent passion for me. He has never left me. He never abandoned me. It is me who is turning my head away from his romantic melody. I am the doubter, he is the wooer. And he never gives up. How can I not melt when he is this amazing in his romance? How can I not forgive him for something he never even did to me... I am holding a grudge against an innocent lover... because I don't fully understand him. He says he wants me to have the most marvelous, amazing, happy, joyful and wonderful life and here I am wanting instant proof of that life and railing against him at the slightest sign of a storm. And yet... it is the moments with him that are the most marvelous, amazing, happy, joyful and wonderful. I am ruined for anyone else. I cannot be happy anywhere else but with him, in his arms.



Thank you Steve McVey for posting this song today because it struck a chord with all that I have been struggling with in my walk.

Opportunity --- Seize the day or Walk Away?

Once in a lifetime the opportunity comes To leap from the comfort of the everyday Into the possibilities of the future. But what we do in that moment makes all the difference. Do we run and hide in terror at the thought of the unknown? Do we pretend everything is the same and go on As if oblivious to the new pathway? Do we question and research this avenue Yet refuse to act upon our knowledge? Do we beg the advice of those around us Allowing them to make our decisions Rather than listening to the voice of our own heart, Or do we cast aside the hum drum of our normal routine And embrace this new venture wholeheartedly? THIS choice makes all the difference in future fulfillment. Abundant life is offered freely, but when such freedom is refused.... What good can it bring to one's existence? Fears are lies. Worries are enemies. Anxiety is a phantom. The wall is an imaginary construct waiting to be crushed. So chase that dream with all your heart. GO! Make it yours while you can. You can grasp it if you only choose to do so. It lies with in you.

Great 8 Competencies

According to Enneagram research, 7s fall into this category of the Great 8 Competencies (a personality profile I had never heard of before, but will have to look into further.)

Interacting and presenting

Interacting and presenting comprises three sets of competencies. First, relating and networking entails relating and networking, building rapport, networking, relating across levels, managing conflict, and using humor. Second, persuading and influencing entails making an impact, shaping conversations, appealing to emotions, promoting ideas, negotiating, gaining agreement, and dealing with political issues. Third, presenting and communicating information includes speaking fluently, explaining concepts and opinions, articulating key points of an argument, presenting and public speaking, projecting credibility, and responding to an audience.