Vision, Purpose, Dreams, and Goals

I read Pastor Tim's blog the other day, and I realized that I don't have a vision. I have long lists of goals that I want to accomplish (yep! I have an amazing life list!), but if I were honest with myself, I have no idea where I will be when they are accomplished. They are all great things of course, but what is their purpose? Beyond that, what is my real place in the world? What is my purpose in existence? I'm 25 years old, and I don't know what I'm supposed to be when I grow up. I know a million things that I'd like to be, that I'm interested in being, that I may even have a passion about being, but what is my niche? Even more important, where does God want me? Did he screw up when he made me? Am I an accident? If I were made for a purpose, wouldn't I know it by now? My husband is called to the ministry... he knows it. He knew it shortly after he got saved. He has the gift of teaching, an amazing ability to preach, and a huge heart for most anything ministry including missions. I don't know my gifts, I don't know my abilities, and don't really know where my heart lies. Is it in the church? Is it in the home? Is it in a secular job? Just because he's in the ministry doesn't mean I have to be... But at the same time because he is I may be... I'm musically talented, but is that my gift? I don't know. I've often dreamed of being a worship leader, but is that God's dream for me or mine? Most of my goals are silly ones like learning how to ride a motorcycle, quilting my first quilt, flying a plane, bungee jumping, going on a Mediterranean cruise, getting a full body massage, making more married friends so we can go out more, going back to college someday, etc... But what do they really accomplish except giving me a few more experiences? I thought that being a Party Lite consultant would be the it job for me... but I'm already feeling bored with it. (could be from the depression, who knows!) Seems like it always goes like that for me... I do something for 3-6 months and then I want to move on. You could blame it on a restless spirit, you could call me a quitter, but I say it's because I haven't yet found my calling. I think about what to do next... cosmetology school, law school, business school, to name a few of my often thought about options, and I can't decide which one I'd be happiest doing... which one I'd stick too. Which one would I get a degree in and get certified in and actually do something with? I got a degree in medical assisting. I never got certified. I was so bored with it by the time it was almost over that almost quit before I graduated. (It wasn't much of a challenge either...) So here's the deal... I could keep going from thing to thing, trying this and that, getting bored, being unchallenged, or whatever the case may be.... OR I could actually find my vision. My God-given dream. I really don't feel like I have one. I don't think I do. I talked to Pastor about it, and he said that it's in there, but it's buried deep under all the baggage of life. Somewhere deep inside me is the dream that God gave me when I was a little girl, long before I was tainted by the world, others, and my self. Before I was even saved, God gave me a dream. Now I have to resurrect it somehow. How? I'm not sure. But I have to. I have no choice. I refuse to live my life feeling worthless, and purposeless, without place or vision. I may be a mostly happy and optimistic person most of the time, but if you don't have vision, your gonna end up down in the dumps. Vision is why you move forward. Vision is why you don't quit. I don't have that. Nope. Don't have it.
I'm supposed to read DreamGiver by Bruce Wilkinson. I mooched it from BookMooch, and should have it by the end of next week.